Inksecrets
by Mystical-Hysterical
Summary: Complete crack. A parody of what really happened in Inkheart. OOCness, swearing, utter disregard of logic and reasoning. First few chapters were written years ago and may need revisions. Co-written with flickaXxOoXx.
1. Chapter One: A Hottie In the Afternoon

Chapter One: A Hottie in the Afternoon

As Meggie was walking home from school the day that she would always remember, she stumbled and dropped her book. Bending down to get it, she switched her iPod on and it started shouting, "I'm bringin' sexy back! Yah!" and she jumped in fright. She didn't like that song, so when she hit shuffle, and it started playing "Loosen up my buttons, babe. Uh-huh" She did a little dance and then kept on walking. When she returned home she was looking around for her father, Mo. When she did not see him she decided that he was in his bookbinding room, a.k.a. his office.

"Mo?" she called into the hallway.

"In my office, Meggie," came a reply. It sounded nasally.

"Mo, are you okay? You sound a little sick."

Another nasally reply said, "Oh, Meggie I'm okay. I'm just a little tired from working almost all day."

Meggie replied in a matter-of-fact way, "Well, then come and sit with me we can talk. Then after that I want you to go right to bed to get a rest!"

"Well, look who's being the parent today," Mo said as he was coming out of his office. He went over to Meggie and they both sat down. He put his arm around her shoulders and sighed.

"Meggie, you are becoming such a lady. Soon you will be taking care of me instead of me taking care of you."

Meggie grinned at Mo. "Yea, you'll need a lot of taking care of, too." She hugged him, and then went to her room to do homework.

She flopped down on her bed and grabbed her science book out of her backpack. She was about to open it when she spotted a small little figure out of the corner of her eye. When she got up to look out of her window, she saw it scurry away. When she got back to her bed she swore on her life that the little figure had horns. It looked something like a ferret, too. She glanced at her ferret's cage, Sunshine, just to be sure.

But the gray ferret was chattering and running around in the safety of the bars. Besides, the little figure had brown fur, or at least what Meggie had seen of it.

Suddenly, her window burst into flames. Screaming, Meggie instinctively grabbed her bedspread and threw it at the flames, but it only fed them bigger. She grabbed Sunshine out of his cage and ran out, screaming for Mo.

"What is it, Meggie?" he asked, running through the hallway.

"FIRE!!" Meggie yelled, and ran back to show Mo the fire.

Only there was no fire.

Not anymore, at least. The window was cracked, and her bedspread was lying near it, but from this angle Meggie couldn't detect a burn on it. She knew it was there, though, but Mo shook his head and looked at her, confused.

"Meggie, you sure have some imagination," he said shaking his head. He turned to walk away.

"No!" Meggie tried to run after him. "Mo, you have to believe me!"

Mo looked at her strangely. "Meggie, there is no fire."

Suddenly, they heard a cry from outside, and a furry animal jumped onto the windowsill.

"Sorry!" someone yelled, and then a face appeared at the window. It was a man, with three unattractive looking scars running across his cheeks. The furry animal beside him—Meggie was pretty sure it was a marten—lashed out its tail and swiped it across the window. Meggie suddenly realized that the furry animal was the figure from early that day, before her fire. The man's faced turned from apologetic to surprised when he saw Mo.

Mo stared at the scar-faced man for a long time. Meggie recognized the look on his face: sheer disbelief. She was utterly confused.

Mo opened his mouth to speak, but for a moment nothing came out. "D-Dustfinger?" he asked cautiously.

The scar-faced man nodded and stared at Mo. "Silvertongue?"

Mo nodded. "How did you get back here? After _he_ captured you, I thought—"

"I escaped," Dustfinger interrupted him, glancing at Meggie.

"Of course." Mo glanced at the furry animal. "Is that Gwin?"

Dustfinger looked at the marten. "Yes. He escaped too." He picked up the marten, avoiding its sharp snapping teeth, and put it into his backpack.

All this time, Meggie was staring at Dustfinger and thinking, _He's hott_! Then all off a sudden she stopped daydreaming and realized that the man with the scars and Mo know each other.

"How in the name of all the hott men in the world do you know each other?" Meggie asked while jumping up and down to get Mo who was in his own la-la-land.

"Meggie why don't you go to your room and do you're homework," Mo said still in a daze.

"I am in my room, you big old goof. Tell me how two you know each other!" Meggie shouted.

"Dustfinger, would you like to come in and have something to eat? You look starved," Mo said.

Dustfinger nodded and walked to the door.

"Meggie you stay here and do your homework," Mo said as he said as he walked to meet Dustfinger. Still in shock Meggie could not protest. The two men left the room and Meggie looked around, still thinking about how hott Dustfinger was. She switched on her iPod; once again, it sang, "I'm bringin' sexy back" but this time she decided she liked the song a lot more than she had thought. She danced along and started scribbling things down in her science notebook without thinking.

The next time Mo came in it was ten o'clock and he told her to go to bed and have sweet dreams. She knew she would have sweet dreams because she would be thinking of Dustfinger.

In the morning, Meggie got up and started humming a song, "The pages of a book, hold our secrets!" yet she didn't know why. When she got into the kitchen she noticed that there was an extra plate on the table so she knew that Mr. Hottie, Dustfinger, would be eating breakfast with them. She was very happy. Mo was making breakfast at the stove, and she marched over to him.

"Mo, I want to know more about how you know Mr. Hot—I mean, Dustfinger."

Mo turned to face her, a grim look in his eyes. "Meggie, the story is too complicated to tell now. Perhaps over breakfast." But Meggie was stubborn.

"Tell me, Mo," she demanded. "And don't lie, either." Sometimes her father fibbed to her to keep a cold truth away, and she felt he was going to do it soon.

Mo sighed and turned to her, but just as he opened his mouth, instead of words came out, "Ouch!" and he pulled his hand away from the stove. At first, Meggie thought he had been burned, but then she saw Dustfinger's marten, apparently called Gwin, clambering around on the counter. Mo uttered a soft swear at the furry animal and shooed him away. Gwin chattered crossly at him and scurried away, leaping off of the high counter top. Sunshine was stalking around the table legs, his gray pelt fluffed up at the sight of Gwin. The marten hissed at him and snapped, but Sunshine was much bigger and with a swipe of his claws got Gwin to back off.

Just then, Dustfinger walked through the doorway, swinging his backpack off of his shoulder and placing it around the back of his chair. "Good morning," he told them. Meggie was so happy to see him. "So, Silvertongue, what's for breakfast?" he asked as he sat down. "I'm starved."

"Toast," Mo answered, taking a piece of toast and biting into it.

Meggie went over to the table and sat down. She liked toast, but right then her head was swarming with a million questions. When Mo sat her plate of toast down she barely acknowledged it, but instead bit into it without any feeling, and she felt like she almost couldn't taste it.


	2. Chapter Two: More Questions, No Answers

Chapter Two: More Questions, No Answers

When breakfast was done Meggie headed off to school. When Meggie got to school that morning she went right over to her best friends seats, Bridget and Emma, to tell them about the hottie that was at her house.

"He's, like, really hott," she kept repeating.

"We get it," Emma said after about the fifteenth time. "Why don't we meet this 'hottie' then?" she challenged.

"Yea," Bridget agreed. "By the way, what did you write for your science homework, Meggie? I didn't get it."

Meggie started to pull out her book and flipped over to the page, but there was no work there. Instead, she had written, "Dustfinger is hott " all over the page with little hearts everywhere.

Emma raised her eyebrows. "I don't think Mrs. Lee will approve of that," she commented. "No matter how 'hott' this guy really is."

Meggie gulped. Mrs. Lee was the meanest teacher at Lilywood School.

When science came around Meggie had the perfect excuse. When Mrs. Lee called on Meggie she was ready.

"Well Mrs. Lee I really wanted to do my homework but my dad was really sick and he needed me by his side. But now my dad is much better now that I helped him. I am willingly to do it at my free period right after lunch," Meggie said with a smile so sweet anybody could fall for it.

"Well, then you can do that and extra credit over the weekend." Mrs. Lee's usual gravelly voice growled in reply, but Meggie could tell that she had succeeded in softening it a bit. "And I hope your father gets better." She looked away when she said it, like she didn't like admitting that she cared.

"Thank you." Meggie bounded over to Emma and Bridget, greeting them with a smile.

"Obviously things went well," Emma guessed. "So Mrs. Lee is taking to this 'hottie' of yours?"

"No!" Meggie snapped at her. "I made up an excuse." She sat down and began fiddling with her pencil.

"Oh." Emma and Bridget looked at each other.

"Can we come to your house after school?" Bridget asked Meggie, gathering her books as they departed for their next class. "Just so we can see your crush?" She smirked, and Meggie scowled at her.

"Stop that!" Meggie dug her elbow into Bridget's ribs and her friend started laughing uncontrollably.

"Sorry," she gasped. "But this is just too funny."

Meggie glared at her. "I wish you guys would understand."

"Aw, we do," Emma comforted her. "She was only teasing."

"Yea, you know that, Meggie," Bridget added. "C'mon; I think we're dismissed from school."

"I thought we had Language Arts?" Emma stared at Bridget, confused.

Bridget shook her head. "That's tomorrow, you goof." She smiled. "Today we get out early, remember?"

Meggie nodded and pulled out her schedule. "Yes, she's right."

Together, the three girls walked home from school, carrying their heavy book bags on their backs.

"Ugh, I think I have a body in here!" Bridget complained, shifting her book bag around uncomfortably on her shoulders. Emma giggled at her.

"C'mon, just a bit further," Meggie urged. "My house is on this street." They rounded the next corner and the three girls faced Meggie's small quant home. Surprisingly, the sky was getting a bit dark–it was only about 3 o' clock–and the girls hurried inside.

When the girls entered the house Dustfinger and Mo were no where to be found.

"So where is Mr. Hotty-totty?" asked Emma.

"I don't know but he is still here. Look his backpack is right there," Meggie said. But at that same moment Mo and Dustfinger entered the room from Mo's office. Mo was carrying a book in his arms that he immediately hid from Meggie's sight. Gwin was clambering around Dustfinger's shoulders and chattering crossly. Sunshine was hissing at him from the floor, and Meggie scooped her ferret up in her arms and stroked his soft gray fur.

"Meggie aren't you going to introduce us to your guest?" asked Bridget.

"Oh, right. Emma, Bridget this is Dustfinger. Dustfinger this is Emma and Bridget." Meggie said.

"Nice to meet you, Dustfinger," Bridget and Emma replied at the same time.

"The pleasure is all mine, ladies," Dustfinger said.

"Bridget, Emma, and Meggie why don't you go into Meggie's room while Dustfinger and I talk?" asked Mo.

"Yes, Mo," all three girls said. And with that went into Meggie's room.

They got up to Meggie's room and Meggie flopped down on her bed with a sigh.

"He's hott," Emma told her with a matter-of-fact nod, as if she didn't know what he looked like.

Bridget had to bite back her laughter while Meggie rolled her eyes at. Emma "Well, of course!" she snapped. She turned to Bridget.

"Um..." Bridget shrugged. "He's nice. He's got a weird name, though."

Emma nodded in agreement with Bridget. "Yea, his name is really weird. I mean who names their kid 'Dustfinger'? It is really strange."

"So? He is hott I mean come on he is like so hott. Who could not think of him as hott?" said Meggie.

"Yea I guess you guys are right. He is kinda hott," said Bridget

"Well, duh he's hott I mean if he wasn't do you think I would have asked you to come over to see him?" replied Meggie.

"Probably," Emma muttered under her breath, and Meggie glared at her but said nothing.

"So...?" Emma looked around. "What do you guys want to do?"

Meggie shrugged.

"Eavesdrop?" Bridget suggested hopefully. "Mo was hiding a book from us, remember?"

"It could have the slightest thing to do with how he knows Dustfinger," Meggie added.

"So let's go!" said Emma, herding her friends toward the door. "Eavesdropping, here we come!" They marched out of the room.

So with that the three girls headed toward Mo's office. When they got to his room Bridget ran into the kitchen grabbed three glass cups and ran to join the two other girls at the door.

Putting the glasses to their ears, the girls leaned against the door and listened for what secrets might lay on the other side of the wooden plank.

"But he's as dangerous as ever now!" they heard Dustfinger yell. "And I'm sure he won't exactly welcome me back with open arms after I escaped!" He lowered his voice a bit, trying to avoid overhearing. "Do you know how many days I spent in his dreadful cow sheds?"

"No." That was Mo's voice now. "I don't, and I don't expect you to come with us. But maybe, just maybe, if we give him the book–"

"Are you insane?" Dustfinger interrupted him. "Just give him the book? Simple as that?" They heard him sigh. Then Dustfinger lowered his voice even more. "Silvertongue, he'll kill you once he's done. If he gets a hold of Meggie–which if you give him your whereabouts he will–he might kill her first."

Meggie shuddered.

"Capricorn will not harm Meggie as long as I live," Mo vowed.

Dustfinger sighed. "Exactly; as long as you live. But this is Capricorn we're talking about. You think he hasn't killed a man before? I mean, I'm sure Basta and Flatnose take more a part in that than he, but I'm sure he knows a great deal about it."

_Basta? Flatnose? Capricorn?_ Meggie's mind was whirling with unanswered questions. She looked at her friends and saw the same questions in their eyes, too. After that they went back to Meggie's room so they wouldn't have to hear the dreadful conversation. When they got back in to Meggie's room Meggie said, "Do you really think he would kill me?"

"Of course not," replied Bridget. She sat down on Meggie's bed. "This Capricorn guy doesn't even know you."

"Well I don't know if he would kill you but these people have some really strange names. I mean there's Dustfinger and now Basta and this Capernorn guy–I mean isn't that a zodiac sign? And Flatnose what the heck is going on here? Are we having a weird name convention here?" said Emma, confused. "Are we?"

"No, but that's not what we're talking about!" Meggie snapped at her.

"Yea Meggie's life is on the line here!" Bridget added. "And by the way, it's Capricorn, not Capernorn."

"Whatever." Emma strolled over to Meggie's dressers. "In the meantime I'm bored," she complained, fiddling with some necklaces.

"This is serious!" Meggie and Bridget said in unison.

"Sorry, but I'm just so bored. I mean let's stop talking about dying and have fun. I mean this Capricorn dude has no clue where you live so just chill," Emma replied. She looked at the two girls and burst out laughing.

"What is so funny? I mean Meggie's life is in serious danger, Emma!" shouted Bridget. She and Meggie both glared at Emma with disgrace, and she made a face at them.

"I was trying to lighten things up," she said. "I mean, everyone's talking about dying here. Maybe instead we should have some laughs."

"We might not have time for laughs!" Meggie snapped at her.

Emma glanced at her watch. "You're right; I have to go home. Bye!" And with that, she disappeared out of Meggie's room.

"I gotta go, too," said Bridget. "See ya, Meggie. Don't die on us!" She hugged her friend and followed Emma out of the door. But as they were walking down the street they suddenly disappeared around the corner. They hadn't even made it around; just in the blink of an eye vanished. At first Meggie thought her eyes were playing a joke on her eyes but then they never came back or turned the corner.

Meggie's jaw dropped. She blinked and rubbed her eyes, but her friends still were not there. "B-Bridget?" she stammered. "E-Emma?" She almost expected to see her friends reappear beside her. "Where are you?" she whispered into the air, and she almost thought she heard someone answer her; and she cried out into the wind.

---

Meggie was left to stare at the place where her friends had vanished for a moment. Then she ran out of her room and zoomed to the front door. She was about to open it when she noticed how quiet the house was. Turning around she strained her ears for any kind of whisper or any movement.

Nothing.

Shuddering, Meggie went to Mo's office door. Listening, she heard nothing at first, but then came a soft whisper, a cold, rasping whisper.

"C'mon, Silvertongue. We know you have it," the voice said. "Or shall we ask your daughter where it is?" She heard a chuckle, and it made her shudder and flinch away from the door. "We already have her friends, here."

Meggie almost gasped, but held herself. _Bridget_! she cried in her mind. _Emma!_

"You will not harm my daughter." That was Mo's voice, coming back colder than Meggie knew her father could be. "Let her friends go; they and her know nothing, Basta."

_Basta?_ Meggie thought. Wasn't that the name she had heard Dustfinger mention before?

The rasping voice again, "Or course they don't; just like you and your fire-eating friend don't." Meggie heard laughs; not from one person, but two.

_Fire-eating?_ Now Meggie was more confused than ever. _Who's that? Does he mean Dustfinger?_

"They know nothing," Mo was insisting. "Why would they? I never told Meggie."

Hot rage flooded through Meggie. _Exactly; he didn't tell me_, she thought angrily. _But there's no time for that now_, she tried to reason with herself. _Now let's concentrate on not getting caught by Basto or whoever._

"Flatnose," Basta growled. "Cockerell. What should we do with these useless girls? Do you believe they really know nothing?"

A chuckle, and then another voice that sounded nasally, more than Mo was the other day. "Take them to the boss," the voice growled, and another person grunted in agreement.

"Won't Capricorn be pleased with this bunch? We have everyone besides the girl and the fire-eater. That's all we need for now, right?"

"I suppose," Basta's voice rasped. "Only for now. I'll take him to the boss. You two stay."

Meggie was hearing all of the dreaded names from before, only now they sounded even more haunting.

"Oh, come on Basta." It was the nasally voice again. "Do you need both of us to stay?"

"There are two people we need," came a simple reply.

"Basta's right." Another voice, this one with an accent. Meggie heard a thud of someone limping on the floorboards. "Maybe we should look for them now."

Before Meggie could move, the door swung open, and she was faced with three large men, armed with revolvers and knives. The man who had swung the door open reached for Meggie, and she jumped away. She saw Mo, staring at her sadly, with Bridget and Emma standing behind the three men. Screaming, Meggie took off down the hall.

Her house wasn't all that big, but Meggie knew some good hiding spots. She heard footsteps behind her; the three men were all running after her, screaming, "It's her! Get her!" and she caught a glimpse of Mo sneaking out of his office, Bridget and Emma behind him.

The men were gaining. The first one was carrying a knife and trying to throw it at her. Meggie had never been so scared in her life. She ran upstairs with greater agility than she thought she had, and zoomed into her room, locking the door and running into her huge box-filled closet.

A thud on the door. More thuds. BANG! BANG! BANG! Meggie's door would give way soon, she was sure of it.

Something burst through, and she heard heavy footsteps coming toward her. Shaking, Meggie tried to crouch back; and knocked over a few boxes behind her, creating noise.  
"I see," came a growl. "So our little troublemaker is in the closet, is she?" She heard a laugh, a cold one that made Meggie shudder. Her blood chilled as footsteps came nearer, nearer...

Meggie clamped her eyes shut as she heard the door swing open and did her best to crouch down behind some boxes, but it was no use.

"Ah, so there she is." The voice belonged to the man Meggie believed to be called Basta. She braced herself from anything that may happen, not wanting to open her eyes for fear that it would make her more visible if she did.

Suddenly, a scream sounded. Meggie shuddered. Basta was screaming. Her eyes shot open; and immediately her vision was clouded with smoke. Coughing, she peered through the smoke, to see Basta's arm on fire.

"Fire!" he was screaming. "Do something, you fools!" The two other men, Flatnose and Cockerell, came rushing over with towels from Meggie's bathroom. The flames licked at Basta's white shirt hungrily as they climbed higher and higher into the air.

The smoke alarm went off. Meggie closed her eyes for a moment, hoping that everything and everyone would just disappear, but when she opened them again they continued to reveal the truth to her. She tried to get farther away from the entrance of the closet and stuffed a nearby sweater to her face, trying to get clean air amidst all of the smoke. She closed her eyes and clamped her hands over her ears and prayed that neither the fire or the men would get her, hot tears spilling into the sweater and her muffled sobs lost in the roaring of the flames and the screaming of the men. _Please,_ she thought desperately, feeling light-headed. _Disappear! Go away!_

She breathed in a mouthful of smoke and coughed. Pain filled her lungs and brain, and she felt like she was spinning, spinning forever and eternally, and a jolt of bright colors filled her vision.

_Just go away...  
_  
And everything went black.


	3. Chapter Three: The Unfriendly Friendly's

Chapter Three: The Hotel, the Waitress, and the Unfriendly Friendly's People

Meggie woke up to the hissing of Gwin and Sunshine fighting right by her ear. She had absolutely no idea where she was, but it didn't take her long to notice that she was moving. She got up to wander and soon realized that she was in Mo's camper van. She went over to the driver's seat and saw Dustfinger in the passenger side and Mo driving.

"Mo, where are we going?" Meggie demanded.

Mo turned around to face her. "Oh, Meggie, you're up." He smiled.

"Yes," said Meggie. "And I'm fine. But where are we going?"

Mo opened his mouth to answer but then heard a loud horn and turned around to the road and veered sharply to the right. "To your great aunt Elinor's house," he said simply. "You don't know her, but she has books that need binding and her house is the ideal place to hide."

Meggie nodded. "But what happened to those men? I don't remember much about what happened…" She scratched her head and sat down wearily. Her head was throbbing and she could hear her pulses beating down on her skin. She wanted to collapse back down on the seat again but also wanted to get the answers to her numerous unanswered questions. She still didn't know about Capricorn, but that could wait.

Dustfinger turned around in his seat and scrutinized her for a moment. "Well luckily for you it appears that Basta still has a great fear for fire." He smiled, but Meggie didn't sense much happiness in it. Still, he looked hott when he smiled and she stared at him. Staring she suddenly took more notice in the three scars on Dustfinger's cheeks. She wondered how they got there.

_Another unanswered question, _she thought to herself. She smiled back at him and turned to Mo.

"So, about this Capricorn person," she said. "Who is he?"

Mo turned around and shot her a look. "Meggie, I'll tell you when we get to Elinor's," he replied. "Until then, you look pretty tired anyway."

Meggie sighed. She was very tired, and lay down to sleep. But despite her tiredness, it took her the better part of an hour to finally get drowsy enough to go to sleep. Gwin and Sunshine were leaping around and hissing at each other. Dustfinger reached back and grabbed Gwin just as the marten was about to give Sunshine a bad bite, and stuffed him in his backpack along with some bread. Meggie watched him for a moment. Sunshine came over and curled up beside her, and for one moment Meggie's last thought was, _I wonder why Gwin has horns?_

When Meggie awoke again it was in the middle of the night. Dustfinger was sleeping and Mo was looking very tired. There were large circles under his eyes and he was breathing slowly. He splashed some cold water on his face every couple of minutes.

"Mo?" Meggie asked cautiously.

Mo spun around. "Meggie! Why aren't you sleeping?"

Meggie shrugged. "I woke up. I'm not all that tired anymore."

"Well you should be." Mo splashed some more water on his face. "It's almost three o'clock, and we won't be at Elinor's till about noon."

"That's a lot of driving," commented Meggie. She shifted around in her seat, picking up Sunshine and stroking the sleeping ferret. She noticed that Gwin was out of the backpack now, sniffling around under Mo's seat.

"Which is why," Mo paused and splashed some more water, "you should go to bed again and sleep the time away. We might stop at a hotel on the way."

Meggie nodded and lay down, trying to go back to sleep. After about ten minutes of no success, Mo halted the car.

"A hotel?" asked Meggie.

"Yes." Mo took some more water. "Get our stuff out of the trunk. I'll get Dustfinger awake."

Meggie nodded and opened the car door. A blast of cold air caught her and she shivered. Then she stepped out and got opened the trunk. Sure enough, Mo had organized her stuff in her bag. She took it out along with Mo's bag and then shut the trunk. She glanced at her sign of the hotel, but it was too far away and she couldn't quite make it out. Shivering from the cold, she turned to Mo and Dustfinger, who had just got out of the car. She handed Mo his bag and the three of them went into the hotel.

The hotel was fairly large. They walked in and the check-in counter was to the left and to the right was a small lounge with sofas and coffee makers and such. The ceiling was high, and there was a long hallway with many, many doors on both sides. The building looked so big from the outside that Meggie knew the hotels would be big.

While Mo checked them in, Dustfinger looked around the lounge and Meggie watched him, wondering if it would be a good time to ask him all of the questions that she needed answered. But Mo was standing right there, and no doubt he would hear.

"C'mon," Mo told them after a while. "We have Room Number 56." He started off down the hall, and Dustfinger quickly followed him. Meggie went on after them.

Their room was large. When they opened the door there was a kitchen to the right and a large table to the left. Further down there was a TV and couch, and then two bedrooms and a bathroom.

_Two bedrooms? _Meggie wondered. _That isn't enough._

"Mo," she said to her father. "There aren't enough bedrooms."

Mo glanced around and frowned. "I told the man three people." He went over to the first bedroom and peered inside. There was one bed, but in the next room there was a bunk-bed. The bunk-bed was very small, and no doubt Meggie could scarcely fit in it. She winced and looked at her father, who was frowning and shaking his head.

"And this place was expensive, too," he was muttering. "One of us will have to sleep on the couch, Dustfinger."

Dustfinger, who was busy looking at a fancy glass centerpiece on the table, glanced at Mo and nodded. "I'll take the couch then." He sounded uninterested in the conversation.

"Are you sure?" asked Mo.

"Yes," replied Dustfinger. "It's a lot better than what I'm used to."

Mo shot him a look and glanced at Meggie, but Meggie knew what he was talking about.

"I'll take the couch," Mo confirmed. "I believe the bed's a bit too small for me, anyway." The bed was indeed a bit small, and Meggie knew Mo liked a lot of room to move around.

"Alright." Dustfinger nodded and looked away. Meggie noticed he liked to take a good look at his surroundings a lot.

"I'll go to bed." Mo's mouth opened wide in a long yawn, and he kissed Meggie good night and went to the couch. "Elinor will be angry if we are late. She believes if we are one minute late all of her books will simply fall apart." Mo's voice sounded very tired. He yawned again. "Good night."

Dustfinger also said good night and left, and Meggie was alone in her room. It only took about a minute before Mo's soft snore sounded from the couch, and she sighed. Her father was probably exhausted, but she couldn't get a wink of sleep. Yes, she was tired, but she didn't quite _feel _tired.

_Maybe I could ask Dustfinger what I wanted to ask him, _she thought. But after ten minutes she thought he was probably asleep. Still, Meggie couldn't sleep anyway, and she was about to get out of bed when she heard a loud creaking sound of a door and then light footsteps, footsteps that would have been inaudible had it not been for the slight creaking problem in the floorboards. She listened intently, but she didn't hear any other noises except footsteps.

Then, a shadow passed across her doorway. She knew it was Dustfinger, but she didn't know what he was doing. She went to the doorway and squinted her eyes to see in the dark. Dustfinger was rummaging through Mo's bag, and finally pulled out a book. Meggie recognized the book as the one Mo had hidden from her the other day.

Quite suddenly, Dustfinger froze. He stayed still for a moment and then spun around. Meggie ran back through the doorway, but he had seen her.

"Meggie!" she heard him whisper. "C'mon; you can come out." She went out and saw Dustfinger zipping up Mo's bag and getting up off of the floor. He went over to her and gave her the book before sitting down on her bed.

"That book," he said, pointing, "is the answer to all of the questions that you are probably asking yourself right now."

Meggie glanced at him in confusion. She had always loved reading—so had her father—but how could a mere book hold the answers to her confusing questions?

Seeing her confused look, Dustfinger beckoned Meggie over and took the book from her and started to leaf through the pages. He pointed to one page in particular. Meggie read through it; it was all about Capricorn! About his life, about everything. She glanced at Dustfinger, more confused than ever, and he smiled that strange smile again. Once again, it seemed more sad than anything else. "The one thing you won't find in there," he said, "is why I call your father Silvertongue. And it's a long story, one that I believe he should tell you. But in regards to Capricorn…" He sighed. "Capricorn is a greedy, evil man, and he gets whatever he wants, no matter what."

Meggie thought that the whole Capricorn thing was very horrible, but then she realized something. There was a hott guy sitting on _her_ bed. That was really something. The place where she had laid just seconds ago, and Dustfinger was sitting on it. She took a minute to reflect on that but Dustfinger must've noticed that she wasn't paying attention because he stopped talking and impatiently waited for her to realize that she needed to get out of her daydreams.

"Meggie, this is serious!" he snapped at her. "If Capricorn doesn't get that book, he may kill Silver—I mean, Mo."

Meggie glared at him. There was that name again, Silvertongue. She liked the name, but had a feeling it had a dark past involving Capricorn.

"Capricorn's main men," Dustfinger went on, "were at your house the other night. Basta was among them; I'm sure you know which one I mean." He raised a hand to touch the scars on his cheek, Meggie knew not why. "Flatnose and Cockerell were there, too. And if your aunt whatever-her-name-is lives somewhere where Capricorn would think to look, you may very well be seeing those men again." He paused. "I hope you never have the displeasure of meeting Capricorn himself, but I'm sure you will." He sighed, but before Meggie could ask any questions she heard someone stirring on the couch. Mo.

Dustfinger got up from her bed and headed for the door. "That's all I can tell you tonight," he whispered before vanishing into the darkness.

Meggie scrambled into her bed and closed her eyes when the footsteps got closer, and soon enough she could hear Mo breathing over her as he tucked her blankets up to her chin. "Good night, Meggie," he whispered. Sighing, he went on, "I know you're asleep, so all the better to tell you this. I just had a nice dream about me, you, and your mother." He paused. "We were all back home and no one else was interrupting us and it was just like normal before I read Capricorn out of his book."

_Out of his book? _Meggie clutched the book she had hidden beside her under the covers. What was Mo talking about? But she felt a strong feeling of loss as Mo mentioned her mother, who had disappeared out of their lives when she was only three. She didn't even know her mother's name, and Mo never talked about her.

"No Capricorn, no Basta, no Dustfinger," Mo went on. "They were all back there." He sighed. Meggie was a bit disappointed because he said Dustfinger wasn't there. "Meggie, I wish I could tell you. Now would be the best time. You _are_ asleep, aren't you?" Mo paused for a brief moment, and Meggie stiffened. "Shake your head if you're asleep."

But Meggie was too smart for that. She just lay in bed thinking of how silly Mo can be sometimes. Mo sighed, a big sigh. Meggie wanted to ask what was wrong but she knew that if she did she would never learn anything about hott Dustfinger and all those other people.

"Meggie…" Mo's voice trailed off. Meggie heard something move in the other room. She squinted open her eyes a tiny crack. Mo had stood up and was looking towards the other room. Without a word he went to the door and looked around. Meggie wanted to get up and look around with him but she told herself to stay put.

When Mo didn't come back a couple minutes later, Meggie got out of bed to see if he was coming. When she didn't see any sign of him she went into the hallway. The hallway was dark and quiet. Meggie didn't even dare to turn a light on, in case Mo was somewhere near. Meggie took another step forward and the floorboards creaked. She didn't even move a muscle, let alone breathe until she knew the cost was clear. When Meggie saw no sign of Mo or Dustfinger she continued onward. This time Meggie moved more quickly and more quietly.

She finally got to Mo's bedroom for the night and put her ear up onto the door. She heard a little bit of talking because it was to quiet but suddenly it go louder.

"Silvertongue, someone _has _to tell her…and it isn't going to be me!" Dustfinger practically shouted at Mo.

"Well, I just can't. I mean, I've been lying to her for nine years; I just can't come out and tell her the truth! It just isn't the right time." There was a brief pause, then Mo continued, "I'll tell her when we get to Elinor's. That will be a fine time. Capricorn won't be able to find us and everything will be alright." Mo sighed. It seemed to Meggie that he was upset. "Well I guess I will go check on Meggie. I still didn't say good-night to her," Mo said while getting up and heading towards the door. Meggie didn't even wait to see if he opened the door, because she was off a second after he said he would check on her.

Meggie got back in the same position in her bed that she was in before. Mo came over to her and knelt down beside the bed. "Good night, Meggie," he murmured, and left.

Meggie suddenly whispered into the night, so inaudibly that Mo couldn't have heard her, "Good-night, Mo." And then drifted off to sleep thinking randomly about how hott Dustfinger was.

As the sun was rising the next morning, Meggie, Mo and Dustfinger were all ready out on the road and heading towards Elinor's. Meggie was in a day dream, thinking about a dream she had had last night, though she was still a bit tired. Dustfinger was sleeping in the passenger seat and Mo was driving, determined to get to Elinor's by nightfall.

"How much longer until we get there?" whined Meggie, who just finished her day dream when the car went to a sudden halt.

"About two to three hours. Maybe four depending on the traffic." Meggie let out a loud, long and big groan. When Meggie was done her groan, Dustfinger was suddenly awoken.

"Tell Roxane I love her!" Dustfinger shouted still in his little dream. He suddenly blushed and was quiet for a little while. _Who the hell is Roxane? _thought Meggie_. Maybe she is a dream person. Well who ever she is I will deal with her later _Meggie also thought. She looked at Mo who seemed to not have heard Dustfinger for some reason. Maybe he learned block him out or he is concentrating so much on getting to Elinor's so he didn't hear him, she told herself.

A few hours passed by and they were still far from near Elinor's. Meggie was_ very_ bored. She decided to talk to Dustfinger who was now sitting in the back. She went up to him while he was looking out the window and sat down.

"So did you have a good dream?" she asked him._ I bet he did, thinking of that godforsaken Roxane. _

"Well, yes, I did have a…pleasant dream," he replied, still looking out the window.

"Me too," Meggie admitted, feeling the blood rise to her face. Dustfinger still did not look at her. Thankfully, he did not ask her about her dream. "So…who's Roxane?"

Dustfinger hesitated. He opened his mouth to say something—and closed it again. Meggie waited patiently for him to answer but in the end he just shrugged and said nothing. She was dying to know about this Roxane person.

"Well, is she a friend or something more?" Meggie asked, dreading the answer if it was more then a friend. But Dustfinger did not reply, he just looked out the window with all different, sad emotions in his eyes. Meggie realized she probably shouldn't ask about Roxane anymore, and as she saw no point in just sitting there, she got up and let to go back to her original seat. Mo had not heard them and was completely absorbed on the road in front of them.

"Mo, how much longer?" Meggie inquired yet again.

Mo banged his hand weakly on the steering wheel, sighing. "Only another hour at the most, Meggie," he said.

"Alright." Satisfied, Meggie turned her gaze out the window, trying to ignore the hunger pangs in her stomach that roared at her. She wanted to try to start a conversation with her father, but could think of nothing to say. She went over to the mini fridge and took out a can of soda, although she was not that thirsty. The van went over a large bump but Meggie absentmindedly ignored it and sat down.

"We might go over a few more bumps…." As Mo ended his statement the van leapt into the air as it hit a huge bump.

Meggie nodded, and, not thinking, opened the soda can.

A while later after all the bumps were down, Meggie went into the bathroom to change into something a little less wet. They still had about forty-five more minutes before they got there. Meggie was still very hungry—she hadn't eaten in five hours! _Maybe we can stop at a restaurant and get something to eat._

"Mo, can we get something to eat? I'm starved!" Meggie complained. Mo easily gave in and they stopped at the nearest restaurant and sat down at a booth.

"Hi, I'm Roxanne, and I will be your waitress today," said the waitress. _Oh my gosh! She must be that Roxane Dustfinger said in his sleep! I'm going to hurt her and make her forget about Dustfinger! _Meggie thought to herself. She stood up from her seat. The waitress was ugly, with a crooked nose and moles on her cheeks. Dustfinger, who was right across from her, looked at the waitress confusingly.

"You have a bad taste in women," Meggie whispered to him.

"What?" Dustfinger looked over at her.

"You heard me! You're crazy!" Meggie was getting angry.

"What are you talking about?"

"Never mind." Meggie got up, went over to Roxanne, and slapped her smartly across the face. The shocked waitress cried out and staggered backwards, holding her hand to her cheek and gaping at Meggie.

"Meggie, why in the world would you do that?" Mo shouted at her. Luckily there weren't too many people in there so they didn't create too big of a scene.

"I am so sorry! Meggie, I don't know what has gotten into you, but you are grounded. I'm sorry for causing you trouble," Mo said as he pulled Meggie out of the booth and ushered her out the door. Dustfinger followed them, leaving the flabbergasted waitress with her hand pressed against her stinging cheek.

"Meggie! What was that about?" Mo yelled as he dragged his squirming daughter over to the van. Meggie didn't even try to explain herself and scrambled into the back seat. Dustfinger got into the passenger seat without a word.

"I don't know what is going on here," said Mo, "but that was inappropriate behavior, Meggie!"

"But—"

"No buts!" Mo started the car. Cursing, he looked around. "I forgot to pay them, didn't I?" Mo swore. "You two stay right here, and I'll be back." Then he left.

Meggie watched her father run into the restaurant. Dustfinger pretended to be occupied with looking at something out of the window. Suddenly he turned around.

"Why did you do that?" he asked her.

"What?" Meggie couldn't believe what she was hearing. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, why did you do that?" Dustfinger repeated slowly.

Meggie shrugged her shoulders and turned her gaze out of the window. If she told Dustfinger that she had slapped that lady because her name was Roxane, he would ask why she cared so much about Roxane, and she couldn't tell him. "Maybe I felt like it," she said harshly.

"Last time I checked slapping waitresses in the face isn't exactly a hobby," Dustfinger countered sarcastically. He added, "But then again, I could be wrong."

Meggie whirled around and shot him a glare. "Why do you care so much?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because it's not your business."

"Well then." Dustfinger let Gwin out of his backpack. "Why did you tell me I was crazy? Surely that's my business…?"

"No." Meggie looked out the window again. "It might be, but in any case I don't want to talk about it just now."

Dustfinger opened his mouth to reply, but at that moment Mo opened the car door and got in. "It took me a while to convince them that I hadn't left without paying on purpose," he explained briefly. "And to apologize to that waitress." He shot Meggie an icy look.

"Let's just go," Meggie murmured under her breath. Mo didn't hear her, but she was pretty sure Dustfinger did. Meggie put her hand down on the seat, but suddenly sharp teeth raked across it.

"Ouch!" she shrieked, pulling her hand away. It was Gwin, and the marten bared his teeth at her. Without a word, Dustfinger reached back and grabbed him away. Sunshine leapt up next to Meggie, hissing at Gwin. Meggie stroked her ferret's soft gray fur. "When will we be at Elinor's?" she asked her father quietly, careful not to provoke him.

Mo sighed. "Still another day yet, Meggie, with this traffic."

Meggie just nodded. _Still another day, after how long it has taken us so far? Before Mo had said in a few hours we'd be there!_

Suddenly, out of the blue, Meggie thought about Capricorn again, and about whether Dustfinger would tell her more about him or if Mo would finally tell her. Shrugging, she tried to focus on the scenery as Mo pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road. And all of the sudden Meggie wished she had ordered something instead of slap the waitress, because she realized her hunger.

Hours passed. Meggie was very hungry—her hunger pangs were eating away at her sanity. Practically delirious with hunger, she looked out at the darkening sky. She still hadn't eaten, and practically the whole day had passed.

"Mo!" she groaned. "I'm _really _hungry! Can't we stop for dinner? Aren't you hungry?"

"Yes, Meggie!" Mo replied irritably. "I'm starving, too. So is Dustfinger."

Dustfinger, who hadn't been paying attention, turned around when Mo said his name. "I am?"

"Well, maybe not," Mo murmured. "Look, there's a restaurant up ahead."

"I can't see it," Dustfinger told him, squinting his eyes to see through the bright street lamps and shop lights. "There are too many godforsaken lights in this world—" He broke off abruptly. Mo shot him a warning glance. "I mean town," Dustfinger added.

"Yes, that's what I thought." Mo coughed and turned to the road. "But there _is_ a restaurant there…."

Meggie watched the two men in astonishment. She was one hundred percent sure that Dustfinger had not made a mistake when he had said 'world', but what could he be talking about? Instinctively, Meggie's eyes wandered to her briefcase, which she had hidden _Inkheart _in. Why was she thinking of that book all of the sudden?

Before she could gather together her thoughts to conclude an answer, suddenly, the car screeched to a halt. They arrived at a restaurant. Peering out, Meggie saw it was Friendly's. Mo got out his side of the car and Dustfinger got out his. Meggie scrambled over to the car door and got out quickly to follow them. She wasn't a fan of Friendly's, but at this point she would probably eat a dead cockroach if she had to. Her stomach roared at her, demanding food. She began walking so quickly to the front door that she stumbled and almost fell.

"Take it easy, Meggie," Mo advised, helping her to stand upright. "We'll be in there sooner or later." He said it with an amused tone. As if it were funny that she was starving! Meggie grew angry.

"I'm hungry!" she growled, pushing past him and going to the door.

"Of course." Mo stumbled after her. "I forgot that you always get cranky when you're hungry."

Meggie hotheadedly ignored him and went into Friendly's. The restaurant was extremely crowded, with people bustling everywhere. More times than she could count she bumped into someone so harshly that she almost fell over, and she had no clue where Mo and Dustfinger were. She tried to push past the people and look around for them, but it was difficult. She almost wanted to scream and push these annoying people to the ground, but she knew too well what Mo would have to say to that. _"Two outbursts in one day!" _Meggie heard his voice only too well in her head, knowing what his exact words would most likely be. _"I must not have taught my daughter proper manners! Her mother would have!" _Wincing, she wondered if Mo would actually mention her mother. In that case, probably.

"Meggie?"

She looked up. Mo was standing in front of her. "It's a miracle I found you!" he breathed. "Where's Dustfinger?"

Meggie shrugged. She, too, knew it was a miracle that Mo had managed to find her. She wouldn't be surprised if they didn't see Dustfinger ever again in this crowd!

"C'mon." Mo pulled her away, trying in vain to get to the front desk. Swearing, he added, "Why are there so many people in this darned restaurant?"

Meggie knew she didn't have to answer, so she didn't.

It took them about ten minutes to get through the crowd, and even that was a gift from the heavens. Mo got to the front desk, struggling against the current of the crowd.

"Table for three, please," he said.

The man at the desk nodded, grabbed three menus, and disappeared among the swarm of people. Mo took off speedily after him, hauling Meggie along with him.

When they came through a doorway, the crowd vanished. Meggie breathed a sigh of pure relief. The room they were in was not like any Friendly's Meggie had ever known; it could've been taken for a ballroom! The room was so magnificently decorated Meggie couldn't believe her eyes, and it was absolutely enormous. There were few people in there, and it was so silent after the noisy crowd that Meggie could hardly believe her ears.

"This," the waiter said, gesturing around, "this is the Grand Dining Room. I hope you can afford it; the rest of the restaurant is completely full." Without waiting for Mo's reply, he led them hastily to a table and placed the three menus down. Then, looking puzzled, he asked, "Didn't you say, _three?_"

"Oh, yes." Mo nodded and sat down. "Well we seemed to have lost someone in that crowd."

The waiter nodded and said no more as he fished a notepad out from his pocket. "Decide your orders quickly; there are people waiting to eat."

Mo nodded and opened his menu. Meggie did the same.

They waited about twenty minutes, eating their food, until Dustfinger finally came.

"You've been here the whole time?"

Mo nodded. "Sorry, but we couldn't find you, so we just came in here. And the waiter took the menus away."

"Thanks," Dustfinger mumbled sarcastically, sitting down. "It took me forever to get out of that crowd." He brushed a piece of stray thread off of his shirt. "Now, where did that waiter go?"

"Not sure," Mo admitted. "He was just here a minute ago, refilling our glasses."

Meggie took another bite of her delicious steak. She had no idea Friendly's could be this great. "I think he went into that room." She gestured with her head to a door to her right. Looking, she saw it said EMPLOYEES ONLY in big golden letters.

"Great. How am I supposed to eat now? I'm very hungry!" Dustfinger exclaimed. "Oh, I hate this stupid world! I wish I never even came here! Not like I had a choice though," Dustfinger finished with a mumble.

"Um…Dustfinger, I think you mean town. And, I mean, you didn't have to come with us," Mo started to say. "Oh, and I would try to stop saying this stupid world!" Mo whispered to Dustfinger but Meggie heard only to well.

"What does that mean?" she demanded, turning to Mo. "I know that's no mistake!"

Mo glanced at her nervously, and then looked at Dustfinger with a look that clearly said, "Why didn't you just shut up in the first place?"

"It's not my fault!" Dustfinger snapped. Then, glancing at Mo and Meggie, who were ready for an argument, he added, "I think I'll look for that waiter..." And without waiting for a response he slipped into the EMPLOYEES ONLYdoor. Meggie wondered if he would get in trouble or not, but only for a brief moment before turning back to Mo.

"Tell me!" she raged.

Mo looked around nervously. "Sshh, Meggie! People are listening!"

But Meggie didn't care. She was just about to yell at him more, but suddenly a loud bang came from the EMPLOYEES ONLYroom.

Mo jumped. "What was that?"

Another bang sounded, a yell, and Dustfinger came rushing out, cursing. He sat down in his seat quickly, but then winced and grasped his shoulder with his hand.

"I think they take things way too seriously around here," he mumbled, glancing at his shoulder. Sarcastically, he added, "Though their frying pans aren't too cheap looking."

Meggie stared at him in horror. "They hit you with a frying pan?"

"Yea."

"Really?" Meggie felt bad and angry at the same time. How dare they hit a hott person! Then came out their waiter with three other waiters and waitresses. There was another one who was there but he didn't have a uniform on the others. When all five of them were at Meggie's table their waiter was the first to talk. "You people are _never_ allowed to come here ever again. Especially you!" The waiter finished by pointing a finger at Dustfinger. Meggie was about to slap them all individually for being so hostile, but she knew she had caused enough havoc for one day.

"Please, we hope that we didn't cause any problems for you. We are very, very sorry," Mo said, looking like he cared, when Meggie knew he really didn't care.

"Well, then. We would really like it if you just paid the money you owe us and leave," said their waiter. "We will give twenty minutes to pay your bill and leave," their waiter finished off by turning on his heel.

"He is so not getting a tip," Meggie said when Mo left the bill on the table. Mo just laughed and opened the doors where a rush of sound met them.

"Not what I expected," Dustfinger murmured behind them. He swore quietly and put his hand on his shoulder again.

"Are you _sure _your shoulder's alright?" Meggie couldn't help but ask, looking at him with concern.

Dustfinger smiled weakly. "Yes, it's fine. Of course it's only natural for it to hurt." Though he was smiling, Meggie sensed his confusion; confusion because he must've been surprised that she cared. Well, Mo didn't seem to. He was hurrying along ahead of them as if they were being pursued by the crazy Friendly's people. And indeed, were they? Meggie glanced nervously back, but saw nothing.

"I think we've caused enough public attractions for one day," Mo said briskly, getting into the van and putting the key into the ignition. "Now we need to focus on finding a place to stay the night."

"Why not the van?" Meggie clambered into the backseat, squeezing herself in between the luggage.

"Good point." Mo barely waited a second after Dustfinger got into the car before pulling out of the parking lot. Dustfinger looked at him with annoyance.

"So, where are we going to go?" Meggie squirmed around. She felt the fabric of Dustfinger's backpack with her hand and thought she felt Gwin scrambling around inside. "I know we should stay in the van, but where are we going to park it?"

Mo shrugged. "We'll find some place. Honestly, Meggie, I hadn't been planning on it taking us this long in the first place." He cast Dustfinger an icy look.

"What?" Dustfinger inquired. "Don't look at me as if it were all my fault!"

"I'm not," Mo murmured, looking away. "It's this traffic's fault we're not there."

Suddenly, Meggie was reminded of something—that she had been about to start a quarrel with Mo about everything that he wasn't telling her. "Mo!" she yelled. "Aren't you going to tell me about Capricorn and everyone now? I need to know!" Her voice grew so high that her father winced. "You have to tell me sometime soon! If he's as dangerous as you say, it must be important. Important enough to tell me…." Surprisingly, she felt tears coming to her eyes. _No! _she yelled at herself. _Don't cry! Be strong! Don't let Mo see you weak, or he won't tell you. Be strong! _She covered her look of sadness with a look of disdain.

"Meggie…." She could see Mo trying in vain to search for words.

"No! I don't want excuses! I want the truth! And it's about time you gave it to me!"

Mo looked uneasily at Dustfinger, who returned his gaze.

"I told you to tell her." Dustfinger's voice was low, but Meggie heard him all the same.

"And he should have!" Meggie spat.

Mo sighed. "Meggie, now isn't the time—"

"I'm tired of waiting!" Meggie couldn't believe Mo. Surely he would tell her now? After all that had happened?

"Listen, Meggie. I swear by all of the books that you have that I will tell you, but not now."

Meggie wasn't listening. She was about to snap back a retort, when suddenly she remembered something. Books…school…friends…_Oh my God! Bridget and Emma! I had completely forgotten about them! _"Mo! I forgot about Bridget and Emma! We have to get them somehow!" How could she have forgotten, this whole time?

Mo looked at her as if he, too, were just remembering them. Perhaps he was. "Yes, they were captured by Capricorn's men, weren't they? Dear, dear…." He looked up at the sky as if it might hold the solution to their problems. "You know very well, Meggie, that we cannot go to Capricorn looking for them." The look he gave her was serious, but she did not listen.

"No! They're my friends! I can't leave them!" she shouted.

"Meggie, cut it out!" Mo's voice was so stern that she actually did fall silent for once. "I can't deal with this right now! When we get to Elinor's, we'll sort everything out, and it will all be just—"

Suddenly, Mo's cell phone began ringing. He pulled it out with a growl, held up a single finger for silence, and flipped it open.

"Hello?" He gulped. "Oh, yes, I know. No need to remind me, Elinor …what? No, of course not! ...I know! We've been held up for a bit …yes, as a matter of fact, she is …anyone else, you ask? Well, um …huh? Don't say that, Elinor—you know it's not true! … Hello? Elinor? … We'll be there tomorrow, at the latest! Good-bye!" Mo snapped the phone shut and stuffed it in his pocket with a sigh of relief.

"As you can imagine, Elinor wasn't pleased with our tardiness," he explained.

Meggie didn't answer—anger beat down on her, rage building up. "I can't believe we're just going to leave Bridget and Emma…"

"Not another word about that, Meggie!" Mo interrupted, his voice firm and fierce. "Not a single word, or I'll stop right here and drop you on the side of the road!"

Meggie knew, of course, that Mo wouldn't ever really do that, but the fierceness in his voice when he threatened her brought tears to her eyes.

"Okay, okay," she murmured, as if making an agreement with her father rather than getting into an argument. "Can we go back and get them _later?" _She shrank back, fearing his wrath.

But Mo didn't answer, as if he hadn't heard.


	4. Chapter Four: Weird, or Crazy?

Chapter Four: The Difference Between Weird and Crazy

Meggie was astonished at how long it took them to get to Elinor's house. And they still weren't there yet. It had almost been a week since Meggie had last seen her two friends Emma and Bridget. She missed Emma's bubbly-ness and Bridget calming them down when they were high on markers. She really missed them!

"Mo, do we have any markers?" she questioned, fidgeting. Night was upon them, now, and she was almost asleep.

"Why?" Mo turned around and shot her a suspicious look. "Meggie! We already had a talk about this getting-high-on-markers phase before…"

"I know, but remember, I'm addicted now! The doctor said it himself!"

Dustfinger turned around. "You can get high on markers? I thought you couldn't anymore."

Meggie shot him a death look but Mo had heard. "What? Meggie, what is this supposed to mean? How exactly did you get so high?"

Meggie shrank back. "Um, well, you see…"

"Oh my God, Meggie, were you smoking POT?" Mo screamed it real loud.

"No," Meggie said truthfully.

"Then it was CRACK then, wasn't it! My little girl's on crack, Dusty—get me some champagne!"

Dustfinger looked taken aback. "We don't have champagne, Silver—I mean, Mo. And please, don't call me Dusty." He turned to look at Meggie. She knew he was thinking the exact same thing as her—it was probably MO that was on crack, not her.

"Well, Meggie I need to know how you got high! Dusty, I need some vodka! I know you have some with you!" Mo shouted as they were at a red light. Meggie sighed she was not going to get some markers tonight. She went over to her box of books and looked at the last one. It was an old _Where's Waldo?_ book.

She skimmed through the pages before saying, "Screw you Waldo, go find yourself!" Dustfinger looked at her with a weird expression on his face. She shrugged her shoulders and smiled at him before going up to sit with Mo.

"Dusty, where's that vodka?" Mo shrieked, waving his hands around gaily. Meggie glimpsed back to see Dustfinger rolling his eyes.

"Um… Mo I don't have any vodka and STOP CALLING ME DUSTY!" shouted Dustfinger at the top of his lungs.

"OK, fine. Whatever DF," Mo said. Meggie looked back at Dustfinger and she could tell that he was pretty darn pissed. She tried to hold back laughter but she couldn't. She ended up bursting into laughter and having Mo and Dustfinger looking at her like she was loco.

"Meggie, I think you need to get some sleep," Mo said coming out of his I'm-on-crack phase.

"Sorry, Mo but you and Dustfinger are so funny! With the DF and Dusty!" Meggie said in between laughs. "Oh and the vodka!" Meggie burst out with fresh new laughter and tears streaming down her checks. She toppled out of the car seat and was rolling on the ground, of the car, clutching her sides.

Dustfinger raised one eyebrow. "Personally I don't think it's that funny," he objected, shooting Mo a narrow-eyed glare as Meggie scrambled back onto the car seat.

"Why not, Dust?" Mo asked.

"Hmm, I wonder why," Dustfinger snapped.

"Me too." Mo took a box of Whoppers out of his suitcase and popped a few of the brown chocolates in his mouth.

"Mo, I don't think you should be driving in this state," Meggie reasoned, trying to sound calm and sophisticated. She folded her hands across her lap.

"Meggie, I'm purrr-fectly fine." Mo turned around smiling. "MEOW!!" he screamed, and suddenly turned and bit Dustfinger's shoulder.

"Mo, what in the name of Corny is wrong with you?" Meggie asked grabbing the steering wheel.

"I may not know how to drive but I am so pulling this car over," she muttered to herself as she heard Mo meow again. Meggie saw an empty parking lot and drove into it. She parked the car and turned around to see Mo on top of Dustfinger trying to bit his shoulder, again.

"Wow! Nasty image just got put in my mind! Thanks Mo, thanks." Meggie said looking at the two men.

"Get off me!" Dustfinger mumbled kicking Mo off him.

"MRROW!!" exclaimed Mo, lolling his tongue out of his mouth.

"If you lick me, I swear…" Dustfinger warned, but Mo put his tongue inside his mouth and meowed again.

"Out of the car, Mo!" Meggie ordered, stepping out herself. Mo jumped out on all fours after her. Dustfinger, rubbing his shoulder, followed them. Meggie thought his shoulder probably hurt a lot after the frying pan and then Mo biting it.

"We should just wait here until Mo stops being….a cat," Meggie said to Dustfinger, adding in a whisper, "He does this sometimes—it's best to wait it off. Last time he was an elephant." She shuddered as the memory returned to her.

Dustfinger looked too astonished to reply, but suddenly Mo howled and came scampering up to them, still on all fours. He started sniffing Dustfinger's jeans. Obviously he was over being a cat and decided to be a dog now. A bad dog.

"Do you mind?" Dustfinger inquired, but Mo kept on sniffing. Suddenly he bit Dustfinger's pants.

"Get off!" Dustfinger yelled. Meggie came over to intervene, but Mo took a step back and growled at her.

"Mo, stop if you don't go to bed now, there will be no more tummy rubs for weeks on end!" Meggie shouted at Mo. "When Mo acts like an animal it is best that you bargain with him," Meggie whispered to Dustfinger as she saw the look he gave her. He nodded his head as if he understood. Mo looked at Meggie and started to whimper like a crying dog.

"No. Go to bed… or else!" Meggie said giving Mo a mean look as she said 'or else'. Mo crawled off to a small corner and started to snore. Meggie knew he was fast asleep.

"Works every time," Meggie said grinning at Dustfinger.

"That's just great," Dustfinger murmured. "May I add that you have an odd family?"

"Twisted blood lines." Meggie poked her nose.

"I can tell."

"Yep, very easy to notice. You probably wonder why I have friends, huh?" She poked her nose again.

"Not really. There's lots of people out there like you, I'm sure," Dustfinger reasoned.

Meggie got tired of poking herself so she turned and poked Dustfinger's nose.

"Do you mind?" he snapped at her.

"Not much," Meggie replied. "You have a nice nose. My nose is very pointy, but yours isn't." She poked his nose again but this time he smacked her hand away.

"Seriously, stop that."

Meggie ignored his comment and looked around the deserted parking lot and then Mo sleeping soundly by the van.

"So, we're alone now," she said quietly with a hint of a dirty smile.

"Um… yea I guess we are," Dustfinger said awkwardly. Meggie looked at him then did something shocking, she poked her stomach and did this really weird laugh. At the sound of her weird laugh Mo woke up.

"Why am I curled up in a dark corner?" Mo asked confused.

"Oh you had one of your animal phases again," Meggie told him as he got up and walked over to them.

"Meggie, you know I only go in my animal phases when I have alcohol or think of it," Mo said looking at Meggie with a raised eyebrow.

"Exactly," Meggie pointed out. "What do you call vodka?" In her mind she wanted to punch her father because he had woken up right when she and Dustfinger were alone.

Mo swiped his tongue across his lips. "Alcohol."

"Don't think of it, Mo!" Meggie pleaded, but suddenly her father dropped to all fours and started scampering around, chattering like a chipmunk. Gwin and Sunshine came scuttling out of the van, side by side. The ferret and marten stopped at Mo and hissed, arching their backs in warning and lashing their tails. Mo crouched down lower and hissed back, kicking out his legs as if acting like he had a tail to lash out.

"God, not again," Meggie growled. "Looks like you're drivin', Dusty." She patted his shoulder and he gave her an icy look.

"That's my bad shoulder, for one thing," he said coldly, brushing her hand off. "Please don't call me Dusty. And just so you know, I can't drive."

Meggie blinked. "What do you mean, you can't drive?? What kind of adult can't drive? Well, besides midgets and handicap people! You're, what, like 30? How can you not drive?"

Dustfinger cleared his throat. "For one thing I'm twenty-five, thank you. And I can't drive because…" He looked down to the ground.

"Tell me!" Meggie demanded.

"Okay, I failed my driver's license test!" Dustfinger said, looking ashamed.

"So, I don't have my license and I drove us here when Mo was on top of you," Meggie said looking at Dustfinger.

"Well then can't you drive again? It would help!" Dustfinger exclaimed looking at Meggie with hope in his eyes.

"No. Fine I will put Mo to sleep with the threat again then we will go to bed, wake in the morning with Mo out of his phase." Meggie said sounding confident. She walked over to Mo and told him that if he didn't go to bed now something bad will happen in the morning. Mo went back to his corner and started to snore once again.

"Good-night," Meggie then said briskly to Dustfinger as she crawled into the van. He didn't reply but got into the passenger's seat. Mo was already in the driver's seat, curled up and snoring.

Soon Meggie was asleep, too.

Meggie awoke as the first lights of dawn crept up in the sky. She was shaking. But not because she was cold because the van was moving. She got up and saw Mo driving the van and out of his animal mode.

"Good morning, Mo. I see that you are out of your phase, again." Meggie said smiling at him. Mo smiled back.

"Yea it is good to be myself again. I guess I should stop with drinking for now on until I can control myself." He said more to himself them to Meggie. Meggie sat down in the passengers seat and buckled up.

"Where is Dusty? Or DF?" Meggie said making fun of Mo and still asking a question.

"Oh Meggie please stop. Dustfinger is in the bathroom freshening up," Mo said giving Meggie a side ways glance. "Why do you care?" He said focusing on the road again.

"Um, well, he's not here, that's all," Meggie replied.

"I'm sure."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Meggie growled, but before Mo could reply they heard a thud from the bathroom.

A minute later they heard Dustfinger yell, "I'm okay!" Meggie saw Mo roll his eyes before they heard another thud and an 'I'm okay'. A minute or two later Dustfinger came out with three band-aids on his arms and two bruises on his legs and his hair was messy, too. Meggie couldn't help but laugh at the sight.

"I thought you were supposed to freshen yourself up not beat yourself up!" Meggie said holding back more laughter.

"I did not beat myself up!" Dustfinger growled. "The shelf in the bathroom AND the shower curtain took care of that. Is there another bathroom I can use?"

"Why do you still need one?" Meggie joked. "You look fine!"

"Very funny," Dustfinger snapped, using his hands to try to pat his hair down, since it was frizzing up and beginning to resemble an Afro. "Mo, do we have anything to eat in this trash-hole?"

"Hey, this van was expensive!" Mo protested. "It was $100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 just so you know!"

"Yea, in your dreams," Dustfinger snorted. "I bet this is worth a broken bronze coin."

Mo gulped. "Dustfinger, don't you mean penny or something?"

"Oh, yea, right. But anyway, got somethin' to eat?"

"Well since you are being so rude about it, no then. We have no food for you to eat," Mo said acting like a little kid.

"What that is so rude. Do you want me to starve or something?" Dustfinger asked with attitude.

"Meggie go get the cereal and milk. Oh and the OJ to." Mo said looking at Meggie.

"Ok that is so not right. Eating food right in front of me. Doesn't anyone like me?" Dustfinger mumbled.

"I like you." Meggie said coming back with two bowls and the milk and OJ. Dustfinger looked at Meggie. Meggie blushed and covered up by saying, "I mean I like orange juice. Good old orange juice." Meggie said thinking she was holding up the orange juice.

"Um… Meggie that's the milk bottle," Mo said giving her a side ways glance, again.

"What's your point?" Meggie snapped.

"YOUR MOM!" Mo screamed, and he jumped out of his seat, grabbed his cereal and milk, and started gobbling it up like a ravenous dog. His cereal soon spilled on the carpet. "Ah, tarter sauce," Mo grumbled.

"Mo, you should get back to the steering wheel," Dustfinger advised. "I'm going to get something to eat." He turned for the kitchen but Mo blocked him.

"Didn't I tell you that you can't have food?" Mo raged. "Meggie, didn't I tell him?" He turned to Meggie.

"Mo, let him go, for goodness sake!" Meggie protested. Mo shot her that strange sideways glance again, and she figured she was beginning to understand it. She rolled her eyes. "We all have to eat sometime!" she continued.

Mo stepped out to let Dustfinger by. "Fine, as long as he doesn't eat my yodels. They're mine! They're so good and creamy and chocolaty and yummy and—"

Suddenly the horn of a car screeched loudly in Meggie's ears, and the van shook violently. Suddenly it felt like they were spinning, and Meggie then had no idea where she was. She barely heard herself when she screamed at the top of her lungs and felt someone smash into her from behind. It didn't seem to matter whether she closed or opened her eyes, because she only saw swirling colors and flashing lights, and heard the screams of people. She cried out again, her voice lost in the endless silence. She didn't know where she was, she couldn't feel her body—she didn't even feel like she was alive, yet she KNEW she was. Somewhere in another cosmic world her body was being tossed around in a flipping van, banging into furniture, and her pulse was still beating, ringing eternally in her ears.

"Help me!" she screamed, but she didn't think anyone heard her.

And then everything—every sound, feeling, sight, smell—suddenly shut down, and went black.

Meggie woke up in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar faces. As she opened her eyes fully she heard whispers and 'she's awake'. Everyone was smiling at her.

"Where am I? Where is Mo? And Dustfinger? What happened? I want answers! NOW!!" Meggie screamed losing her patience.

"Calm down," a lady said to her. Blinking, Meggie realized that she was dressed in a nurse uniform so she must be a nurse. "You got into a car crash, don't you remember?"

"That still doesn't answer my questions! Where are Mo and Dustfinger?" Meggie yelled, not ready to calm down until all of her questions were answered. What if they DIED? She hoped not. "OH MY GOD, ARE THEY DEAD???????????"

The nurse felt her forehead but Meggie smacked her hand away.

"Don't touch me, whore!"

"Meggie, calm down they are OK. Mo is a little smacked up and this Dustfinger is a little beaten up but they are OK. Now are you?" the nurse said raising an eyebrow when she was done.

"What the heck is that supposed to mean? 'ARE YOU'??" Meggie asked saying the 'are you' in a weird voice.

"I mean are you OK?" The nurse asked looking concerned.

"Yea I am fine. Now what's your name?" Meggie asked looking at the nurse. She was tall and lean, her auburn hair was up in a ponytail and she was young. Her hazel eyes almost looked like an intense fire when the light hit them. She looked like a model.

"Me? My name is Andrea, but you can call me Andy. Why do you want to know, anyway?"

"Well did you want me to call you NURSE?" Meggie stated with attitude.

"Well, no not really. Well when you feel better come ask for me then I can take you to see Mo and this Dustfinger guy," Andy said smiling.

"Oh. I feel better now! Take me to see them. NOW!!" Meggie said jumping out of the bed.

"OK, then I will take you to see Mo then Dustfinger. Well Mo is a little confused so don't be surprised if he is acting weird," Andy said leading Meggie to Mo's room.

Meggie saw Mo lying in his bed with patches of blood and bruises on his face and arms.

"Mo!" Meggie cried, running over to him. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I am, Maggie." Mo smiled weakly and then crossed his eyes and stuck his tongue out. "Hehehehe! I'm a Barbie BOY, in a Barbie world!! I'm so plastic, it's fun-tastic!!" He waved his arms around again and giggled.

Andy came up and whispered in Meggie's ear, "Yea, that's what I meant by 'weird.'"

"Well, Mo's like that sometimes," Meggie whispered back.

"Oh okay. Well why don't we give you some space Mr. Mo." Andy said backing away.

"Bye Maggie!" Mo said waving his hand deliriously. As they were leaving his room, they could hear Mo chant, "We've got style, We've got flare. We have polka-dot underwear!"

"Alright. Time to see Dustfinger," Andy still said Dustfinger weirdly. Meggie was over excited about seeing Mr. Hot-tay again.

Dustfinger was sitting on his bed looking into empty space. He was startled to see people coming in to see him. The first person was one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen in his life. She was tall and lean with beautiful eyes. Coming in behind her was Meggie.

Dustfinger had the three new bruises on his face and had a new scar that was on his arm. His face had blood patches like Mo but Meggie still thought he looked hott as ever. Dustfinger didn't seem to notice Meggie's waving and smiles. He seemed to be looking at Andy. Andy and Andy and Andy, no else but Andy. Meggie could feel rage filling her insides. How could she have trusted that whore? What was she going to do now, obviously Dustfinger liked her! _There is only one choice left for Andy; MURDER!! _Meggie thought to herself with more evil thoughts. She cast Andy some venomous looks, but the nurse didn't seem to notice her. She seemed to be interested in Dustfinger as he was in her.

_I think I hate her more than Roxane, _Meggie thought violently, envisioning herself stabbing Andy repeatedly in the head. She hoped her blood spilled out dark red as a sign that she was pure evil. Other deathly images entered her mind, and she could not push them away—not that she wanted to!! She thought of herself as a wolf, baring her sharp fangs and lunging at Andy, gripping her throat with satisfaction as the nurse gasped pitifully for breath.

"Hello, Andy wanna go back to my room now! I think I might get lost if you don't help me!" Meggie shouted but the nurse seemed like she couldn't hear her. She was too busy flirting with Dustfinger. Meggie could hear the two of them laughing and talking, she inched closer to hear what they were saying.

"So where did you get those three scars?" Andy asked running a finger over one of them. Meggie almost then and there choked Andy, but she held herself down from doing so.

"Oh, they were from a fight with another guy. He had an advantage," Dustfinger nodded as he finished. Meggie took a step back. She didn't want to hear anymore. She waited another moment before she kicked Andy.

"Ouch! What?" Andy turned around.

"Remember me? I want to go back to my room now! Take me there!" Meggie said demandingly. Andy waved good-bye to Dustfinger before blowing him a kiss. Meggie almost had a heart attack.

"Andy, I think I'm going to have a seizure," Meggie told her.

"Why?" Andy asked, concerned.

"I donno, it's just—" Meggie crossed her eyes and foamed at the mouth, pretending to have a seizure. She convulsed her body and dropped to the floor, writhing and squirming.

"Oh my God! Someone help! She's having a seizure!" Andy screamed. She pulled Meggie up by her arm and led her into her room, thrusting her down on her bed. She started fiddling with some wires on the machines around her when she suddenly stopped.

"Hold on." She narrowed her eyes. Meggie pretended not to notice and squirmed a bit more, putting some more foam out there for a dramatic effect.

"Meggie, don't ever do that to me again." Andy breathed a sigh of relief and took Meggie by the shoulders. "Stop it, please. I know you're not really having a seizure."

Meggie growled and spit her foam out at the nurse, but Andy didn't seem to notice. Instead she got up, plucked a tissue from the tissue box, and swiped it across Meggie's mouth, removing most of the saliva. Then she dropped the tissue in the trashcan and came up to Meggie, sitting down on her bed.

"Meggie, tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing," Meggie growled. She didn't intend to tell Andy anything.

"Come on, dear. People don't fake seizures just for fun."

"I felt like I was having one!" Meggie lied.

The nurse narrowed her eyes. Meggie felt like Andy could see through all of her lies, but at least she couldn't seek out the truth.

"Okay, maybe I wanted some attention." Meggie sighed like she was relieving a burden from her. She seemed to lie much better this time, and Andy looked like she believed her. _Of course, she probably thinks of me as one of those snot-nosed demanding girls who always seek attention, _Meggie thought. _She's probably screaming in her head, "Attention seeker!" _Then Meggie shook her head. _No, she's probably not thinking of me at all—she's probably thinking about Dustfinger. _She scowled at this thought.

"Meggie." Andy put a hand on her knee. "It's okay to want attention sometime. Just ask, okay? Don't go faking seizures."

"But I DID ask!" Meggie objected, unable to control herself. "You just didn't pay any attention to me!"

Andy blinked and looked at the ground. "I'm sorry," she said in injured tones.

_Good, she feels bad, she should. _Meggie thought to herself with a small and sly grin.

"Do you want to sleep I bet your day was pretty hard," Andy asked after moment. _Oh my god! She is probably going to go back to Dustfinger! I have to keep her here with me so she can't flirt anymore._ Meggie thought with rising panic.

"No, I want you to stay. I need company!" Meggie said before Andy left the room.

Andy turned around and smiled before saying, "Okay. I'll stay with you until you fall asleep." She was all smiles.

For three hours Meggie and Andy just talked. Mostly Meggie talked. She talked about why they were on the road and more stuff like that. Even though Meggie despised Andy, Meggie was happy she had someone to talk to, that wasn't Mo. Meaning, who wasn't delusional and hopped around being different animals and biting people's shoulders. Sure, if she could, she probably would have pulled out a knife and sliced Andy's throat, but since she couldn't it was nice to have company.

"Well, Meggie, you seemed to have traveled a long way, haven't you?" Andy inquired after awhile. "And you don't seem to be falling asleep anytime soon," she added with a bit of a girly laugh.

"I'm not that tired," Meggie admitted.

"Okay, well, I'm just going to go now, if that's okay with you," Andy said, getting up from the bed.

"Wait! If I'm not falling asleep, I won't have any company! I'm sure I'll be out in about another hour," Meggie called after her.

Andy sighed and for a moment Meggie thought she saw an agitated look in the nurse's hazel eyes. Suddenly she didn't feel in need of her company—she felt her muscles tense and she clenched her teeth, struggling with the urge to attack Andy.

"Do you know what I think it is best you do leave now, Andy," Meggie said as Andy sat down on her bed. She was trying to control her hands so they wouldn't strangle Andy.

"Oh, OK. Bye Meggie, I'll come check on you in an hour or so," Andy said heading for the direction of Dustfinger's room. Meggie sighed. Meggie needed to think. She was still thinking before she drifted off to a heavy sleep.


	5. Chapter Five: Randomized

Chapter Five: Randomized

"Meggie wake up. Wake up, Meggie!" Meggie turned over in bed and for a second she didn't know where she was but then she saw Andy's face and remembered. She was at the hospital.

"Meggie, your dad has asked his nurses if you could come and visit him this morning. Do you want to go and visit him?" Andy looked at Meggie and gave her a girly smile.

"Sure, Lets go see loco Mo," Meggie said climbing out of the bed.

Andy laughed a little and turned out of Meggie's room, turning and heading for Mo's room. Meggie trudged after her.

Meggie saw Mo sitting on his bed playing with oranges.

"Be free little oranges, be free! Come on Elder Orange you can make it!" Mo was shouting as he pretended to make the oranges dance. "Oh, hi Maggie!" Mo said like a little kid as Meggie walked closer to him.

"Hi, Mo. How was your night?" Andy asked sitting down in one of the chairs.

"Maggie, guess what? I have to go to this person with a REALLY long name. A THERAPIST!" When Mo said therapist his eyes widened.

"Mo, do you wanna know something? If you put a space between the E and the R you get THE RAPIST!" _Kind of like Andy! _ Meggie added in her head.

"Oh my God you are so right!" Mo shouted, looking around wildly and panicking. "Maggie, are YOU a THER-A-PIST?"

"Of course not, Mo. Calm down."

"Maggie, what's a RA-PIST?" Mo questioned. He said it like 'RA-PEEST.'

"A bad person," Meggie explained. "And you do know, my name is Meggie."

"Meggie?" Mo looked at her like she had just sprouted another head. "Maggie, come on. I'm your dad; I think I'd know what I named you. Now, don't go changing your name on me." He wagged a finger at her.

Meggie rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say, Mo."

Andy smiled. "Okay, Mr. Folchart, would you mind if we left now?" she politely asked.

"Mind? What is it to mind, Nice Nurse Lady?" Mo inquired.

Andy sighed. "You can call me Andy, Mr. Folchart."

"You can call ME Mo, An-die!" Mo shouted back, smiling from ear to ear.

"C'mon, let's just go now," Meggie whispered to Andy. The nurse nodded and they went out of the room.

"Bye Mo! See you later!" Meggie called over her shoulder. She heard Mo giggle a reply.

"Okay, Meggie." Andy led Meggie into her room and sat her down on her bed. "I have to do other things now—nurse things, if you will." She sighed and Meggie saw her blush a bit.

"Right. Sure." Meggie lay down on her bed and glared at Andy silently.

"What?" the nurse growled. It was quite different from her usual kind tone.

"Andy, I want a laptop! Go get me one, NOW!" Meggie said in a demanding tone. Andy looked at her, the nodded her head, before leaving the room.

Andy came back ten minutes later with a box that had a picture of a laptop on it. "Here, you can have this. I got it for my birthday a couple of weeks ago. I really don't want it." Andy said handing her the box.

"OMG! No firkin way! I can really have it? Thanks." Meggie opened the box and took the laptop out. She could tell that Andy must have used it once because everything was opened. She didn't care. She just got a laptop! Meggie turned the laptop on, after setting everything up, and went on MICROSOFT WORD, she was going to type a story about two friends that both like a guy and the one friend kills the other one to have the hott guy, sound familiar? As Meggie was typing a little paper-clip dude popped up.

"Oh my god! Hey, little paper clip, dude!" Meggie shouted at the computer. Andy smiled before asking, "You like?"

"Me like? Me love!" Meggie shouted. "I love that little paper-clip dude!" She tried to type _Dear Paper-clip Dude, _and then the little paper-clip man got a little speech bubble.

"Andy!" Meggie yelled. "It's telling me it looks like I'm writing a letter! It says it wants to help!" She took a deep breath. "WELL, THANK YOU, PAPER-CLIP MAN! I WOULD LOVE IT IF YOU HELPED ME!" She turned to Andy. "It's not responding." Andy smiled.

"Can I see your story?" the nurse questioned. Before Meggie could object she turned the laptop towards her and ran her finger along the last line.

_"And then Margaret plunged the knife straight into Ariel's chest, piercing her heart. She didn't even feel like they were friends anymore, she just felt hatred. Meanwhile, Dustin was sitting on the sidelines quietly, panic on his really hott face. Margaret turned to him and threw herself into his arms and they walked off into the sunset."_

"Well, then, that was a very interesting story." Andy said looking at Meggie. "Why did you choose those particular names? I mean do you like those names? Just wondering," Andy said looking at the floor.

"Why do you care?" Meggie snarled. "In fact, I think I'll rewrite it." She deleted it all, looking to the paper-clip man for feedback. But he only blinked and stared at her, occasionally raising his eyebrows and scratching his head.

"Sorry," Andy murmured. "Okay, rewrite it. And tell me when you're done so I can read all of it—it sounds like a good story."

Meggie nodded and typed. She typed constantly and without much hesitation, since she had already typed it but was only improving. After about ten or twenty minutes she turned the laptop to Andy. "I'm done."

Without a word the nurse walked up to the computer. "Read it out loud," Meggie instructed her, and she obeyed.

_"Once there were two friends, Margaret and Ariel. Both were very pretty girls, but Margaret was most beautiful and admired by all the other girls in the nation. All of the boys wanted to date her, but she only had eyes for one boy—Dustin. She loved him very much, but one day she found Ariel by her locker in the hallway staring blankly at her books. Or so it seemed. 'Hi, Ariel,' Margaret greeted her friend. Then she froze and saw that Ariel had pictures of her hottie in her locker! 'How could you?' she screamed. 'You boyfriend-stealer! I hate you! Go choke on your own saliva!' She hit Ariel with her book in the head and stomped out of the building. But on her way out, she noticed Dustin at his own locker. Fearfully, she leaned back, suspicion gleaming in her beautiful sky-blue eyes. Dustin had pictures of Ariel in his locker as well! Rage filled Margaret so much that she almost considered taking it out on Dustin—but she would never do that! So, very quietly so he wouldn't notice that she had even been there, she slipped back down the hall where Ariel was prancing down the hallway, books in hand. Margaret stalked up to her and pounced, grabbing the back of her neck viciously with her sharp, recently manicured nails. 'I hate you!' she shrieked, over and over again. Suddenly she remembered the pocketknife she always kept in her glorious Coach bag for protection. With deathly silence she reached into her bag and snapped the knife open, raising it into the air with a vindictive but beautiful gesture. 'Time to pay,' she whispered as Ariel cried into the empty, vacant halls for help. And Margaret plunged the knife straight into her back, driving it deeper and deeper until it reached her heart. Ariel let out one last final screech of terror before convulsing her body once and going limp in Margaret's bloodstained hands. Margaret scowled and turned around to see Dustin walking towards her, smiling and waving. She ran up and threw herself into his arms, and they walked off together in the dazzling sunset."_

"Wow! That was a very interesting story. You seem to be a good writer, do you write a lot?" Andy inquired looking at Meggie.

"Well, I do have a couple stories that I wrote before in my notebook before the crash." Meggie said looking at the story in front of her.

"Oh, well do you think you can tell me it like do you remember any parts of them?" Andy asked with excitement. She seemed to like Meggie's stories.

"Not now. Can you go get me some books, please? I really want something to read," Meggie said putting on her angel face smile.

"Oh, ok. What book do you want?" Andy asked getting up from where she sat.

"I don't care," Meggie murmured. "What books do you have? You can't have all of the books in the world."

Andy shook her head. "I'll get the book cart," she said, smiling. Meggie nodded.

"Okay Ariel—I mean, Andy!" she added quickly. "Sorry, I'm still in a story mood."

Andy nodded again. "I'm getting the book cart." Then she departed from the room, leaving Meggie laying in wait. She yawned and closed her eyes for a moment, sighing. _I wonder what book I'll get, _she thought, astonished that for once her thoughts weren't focused towards Andy and how much she hated her.

Then the nurse came into the room again, wheeling a large cart stacked with mounds of books. They looked like nice, well-taken-care-of books, and Meggie was pleased. She showed her appreciation to Andy with by grinning from ear to ear. "Thank you," she said warmly, comforted by her ink-and-paper friends—books.

Meggie scanned the loads of books. One book caught her eye; it was on the top, lying on its back. Meggie raised her eyebrows and picked it up—only to drop it with a gasp.

The book was _Inkheart. _


	6. Chapter Six: Inkheart

Chapter Six: Inkheart

"Oh my god! What's wrong?" Andy asked looking concerned.

"It's, it's, it's _Inkheart_!"

"Um… yea. That's its title. Why do you want a different book? I mean there is plenty!" Andy said reaching for the book.

"No! I want. But can we go see Dustfinger for a minute, please?" Maggie asked.

"Sure, let's go see Dustfinger!" To Meggie, Andy seemed overexcited.

Dustfinger was sitting on his bed playing with his fingers. For a second Meggie thought she saw fire.

"Um…Andy, I kind of want to talk to Dustfinger, alone." Meggie said turning to Andy.

"Oh. Of course. I'll be outside if you need me." Meggie nodded and pushed Andy out of the door.

"Dustfinger, explain this book to me!" Meggie said holding it up in front of his face. "This is _Inkheart_, the book you and Mo were hiding from me! Tell me all I need to know about this book! You started to tell me at the hotel but then Mo started to come down the hallway! I want to know! Tell me!" Meggie said adding the last words in a desperate tone.

For a moment it seemed like Dustfinger hadn't been paying attention to her—his eyes were fixed on the door that Andy had departed from—but then he blinked at Meggie and nodded. "Keep your voice down," he growled at her. "And then I just _might _tell you. Where did you get that book, anyway?" He looked at her inquiringly.

"Never mind that!" Meggie snapped. There was no time for explanations. "Just tell me about the book!"

"No, not until you tell me where you got the damned book!" Dustfinger whispered the words, but Meggie knew he wished to shout them.

"Fine, I got it off a book rack with a ton of books on it. Now tell me!" Meggie said more softly.

"Okay. Now listen up 'cause I'm only saying this once," Dustfinger took in a deep breath before continuing. Then he stopped. "Maybe you had better just read the book. More than the Capricorn part, I mean." He handed the book to her.

"Um, okay?" Meggie said quizzically. "Do I just read it?"

"Well, flip through the pages." Dustfinger rolled his eyes. "You might find something interesting—something you never knew." He gave her a hard stare. "Then come back to me. Now, goodbye." He waved her away and turned over on his bed so that he had his back to her. Clearly he didn't want to have anything to do with her at the moment.

"Fine," Meggie growled, whipping around and stomping out of the room. _Ignorant, _she thought with a snort.

"Oh, hello, Meggie."

Meggie looked up at Andy, who was smiling sweetly at her. "Did you settle everything?" the nurse inquired. She looked Meggie up and down, and before she could reply Andy added, "You should get some more rest. Off you go—to your room!" She shooed Meggie into her room with only a wave of farewell before she shut the door and turned away. _Jeez, is everyone being ignorant today? _Meggie thought as she hoped in the bed. She skimmed through the book looking at some sentences hear and there. Then she saw what scared her the most. Dustfinger and Gwin's names in the book. _ Oh my God! What does this mean? Dustfinger is really a character from a book? Oh my God! How did he get here then? Basta! He must be a character from this book to! But how did they get here?_ Meggie thought in a panic. Meggie jumped out of bed and rushed to Dustfinger's room. As she opened the door, she saw Dustfinger and Andy, sadly to say, kissing! _Ew! Gross!_ Meggie thought as she yanked Andy by the hair and said, "Me and Dustfinger need to talk!" And pushed Andy out the door.

Meggie glared at Dustfinger. "That was uncalled for!" she said sharply, as if scolding him. "Next time I see you with that slut we're getting out of this hospital!" Dustfinger stared at her coldly, not saying anything in his defense. "I hope you know you're cheating on Roxane, whoever she is." For a moment Meggie thought she saw a flicker of guilt in Dustfinger's eyes, but then he looked away.

"Whatever," she snorted. "Down to business." She flopped the book down on his bed with a hard gesture. "I saw your name in this book. Gwin's, too. Any explanation?" Meggie opened the book again and was shuffling through the pages when she saw a name she dreaded more than Andy's: Roxane!

"Holy shit! Is this the Roxane you are so in love with? Huh? Tell me!" Meggie shouted.

"Yes! Roxane is my wife, okay? And yes Gwin and I come from this book. And so do Capricorn, Basta, Flatnose, and Cockerell. Are you happy now?" Dustfinger seemed relieved to let someone else know this.

"No, I want to now how you got here," Meggie said looking him straight in the eyes, trying to hold back her shock. Was this a joke? How could someone just pop out of a book? She wondered if Dustfinger was joking, but he looked very serious. Meggie gulped; this was getting strange.

Dustfinger stared back at her. He looked uncertain, like he wasn't sure if he should tell her or not. "Well, considering that Mo's feeling a bit…ill," he said awkwardly, "I suppose I will tell you."

Meggie grinned, glowing with triumph. "I'm listening," she declared, raising her eyebrows.

"You'd better be," Dustfinger snapped impatiently. "Okay, well…you've always wanted to know why I call your father Silvertongue, right?"

Meggie nodded. "What does that have to do with everything?"

"Just shut up and let me explain," Dustfinger growled at her. "Capricorn, Basta, and I call him that because he read us out of our book."

Meggie stared at him in complete silence for a moment. Then she burst out in laughter. "That's a good one!" she shouted, laughing so hard she had cramps. "You had me fooled for sure there, Dusty!"

"Don't call me DUSTY!" Dustfinger screamed into the air. Then more calmly he said, "Listen, Meggie, I can tell you what you want to hear or I won't tell you a thing." Dustfinger folded his arms.

"Tell me the truth," Meggie said looking deep into his eyes.

"What I am about to tell you is the truth and nothing but the truth." Dustfinger looked right back at Meggie. "Mo read us out of the book you are holding, nine years ago. He read three people out and Gwin. Capricorn and Basta went away to find a place to rule and make it Capricorn's village. I stayed with Mo for about a year then left trying to find my way back home. But, unfortunately, Basta caught me and took me to Capricorn's village. I, as you can see, escaped and then went looking for Mo." Dustfinger finished with a sigh and leaned against the wall.

"You swear?" Meggie blurted out when he had finished. "DO YOU?" she screamed without giving him much of a chance to respond.

"Yes!" Dustfinger shot back. "Yes, I swear! Now, go away. Tell Andy to go away, too."

"Wow, you're sending away your lover now?" Meggie asked. "Are you breaking up?"  
"Shut up and do what you're told." Dustfinger narrowed his eyes. "I told you about the book, didn't I? Now leave."

"Don't order me around!" Meggie spat. She snatched _Inkheart _from his hands and stomped over to the door again, flinging it open. "Goodbye, Mr. Grumpy," she mumbled over her shoulder.

When Meggie got outside Andy was waiting anxiously. "He doesn't want you," Meggie said simply to her, pushing the nurse back into her own room. "Good-night," she told her. "I'm going to bed."

Meggie woke the next morning to Andy sitting in a chair.

"Well, look who is up, Miss Sleep-all-day," Andy said smiling.

"That's the most corniest sleeping-in line I have ever heard," Meggie said dully.

"Oh." Andy shrugged. "Well, Mo wants to tell you all about his therapy. He wants you to see him," Andy said handing Meggie her breakfast. Meggie didn't talk until she was done her whole breakfast before she said, "Alright, let's go," wiping omelet from her mouth.

Andy stood up and went out the door, Meggie following. They reached Mo's room and Mo was sitting up on his bed with bifocals on. "Yo, Meggie," he greeted. "Hey, An-die. That's a boy's name, may I add."

Andy screwed up her face but shrugged.

"Meg, I was reading Warriors the other day." Mo's eyes widened. "It's about kitties. If I was a war-ri-or, Meggie, my name would be Moear."

"Mine would be Meggiefur," Meggie objected. "Andy, yours would be something like…Andyfoot." _More like Andy-hottie-stealer!_

Andy didn't seem to know what they were talking about, but she shrugged. "Okay. Should I call you Meggiefur now, Meggie?"

"Sure, Andyfoot." Meggie grinned. "So, Mo how was your therapy?" Meggie asked sitting down next to Mo.

"Oh, that. Well my THERAPIST, Joan, said I need to take three more therapy lessons before we can go. She says I'll be back to normal by then." Mo gave Meggie a goofy wide-eyed smile. No, it wasn't goofy; it was scary.

"That's hard to believe," Meggie muttered, turning away so not to see his weird, scary smile.

"Maybe, Meggiefur," Mo agreed. "And don't call me Mo; call me Moear."

"Okay," Meggie said. "Anyway, Andy, let's go now. Good-bye, Moear." She waved her father a farewell.

"See you, Meggiefur. You too, Andyfoot." Mo waved back.

"Glad that's over," Meggie mumbled when she and Andy had gotten out of Mo's room. "Now, Andy, you go do some nurse things while I talk to Dustfinger." She turned for Dusty's room, but Andy held her back.

"Can I come with you?" she pleaded. "Please?" She looked desperate.

Meggie sighed. "Fine," she murmured, but then she shook her head. "Sorry, Andy; you can't come. I have some…private things to talk about with Dustfinger." She brushed the nurse's arm off.

Andy looked angry for a moment, but then she turned away and walked down the hallway to her room without a word of farewell. Meggie almost felt sorry for her—almost.

Then Meggie made her way down the hallway, pushing past urgent doctors and others. She began to wonder when Mo would recover mentally and Dustfinger recover physically. Although Dustfinger didn't seem too physically injured; Meggie was beginning to wonder if he was only staying because of Andy.

Right before she got to Dustfinger's room she saw Dustfinger coming out on crutches. She noticed for the first time that his right leg—which was usually under his bed covers—was in a thick cast. Apparently he wasn't just staying for Andy.

"Meggie," Dustfinger said. "I was just going to Mo's room. Is he okay?" He didn't seem to have such a mean tone as he did the day before; Meggie wondered why.

"He's as strange as usual," Meggie replied. "You don't need to see him—but I need to talk to you." She pushed him back into his room and shut the door after her.

"Were you dead serious about the whole Mo-reading-you-out-of-your-book thing?" she inquired.

"Yes." Dustfinger hobbled over to his bed and sat down, laying his crutches against the bed. "I know it's hard to believe, but it happened. Maybe after Mo gets back to normal you can ask him; he can tell you the whole story."

"Alright." Meggie was too stunned by this sudden knowledge to say anything else. For a moment she just stared at Dustfinger. Suddenly she forgot about her whole surprising dilemma and just focused on how hott he looked. She remembered her story about Margaret, Ariel, and Dustin.

"Hey, Dustfinger, do you want to read a story I typed up on my new laptop?" she asked him, grinning.

"No, not really," Dustfinger admitted. "But I suppose you can show it to me anyway." Meggie didn't like that he had openly told her the truth about whether he wanted to read it or not, but that didn't bother her. She went into her room and got her laptop. But she knew Dustfinger would be smarter than Andy, so she deleted the 'Dustin' parts and instead put a random name she thought up—Fenoglio.

"Back," Meggie grunted, going into Dustfinger's room with the laptop. "Here you go." She dropped the laptop on his bed. Not answering, Dustfinger turned the computer towards him and began to read. Meggie bit her lip.

It took Dustfinger longer than Meggie expected to read the whole story, but when he was done he only nodded and gave the laptop back.

"No questions?" she pressed eagerly.

Dustfinger shook his head. "Not really."

"What do you mean, 'not really'?" Meggie snapped. "Questions or no questions?"

"Well, who's Fenoglio?" he asked. "Obviously Margaret is you, and Ariel is Andy, so who's Fenoglio?"

Meggie gulped. She was sure her face turned white. He wasn't supposed to figure all that out! "N-No one," she stammered. "J-Just a name I thought up, honest."

"I know that," Dustfinger said. "I want to know who he's resembling."

"None of your business!" Meggie snarled. "You are no help at all! Good-bye!" She stomped out of the room, cradling the laptop in her arms. "He is so mean," she mumbled to herself, as if trying to convince herself. She passed a dumbfounded Andy as she stalked down the hall. "Again, I don't think he wants you," she told her.

"I don't care if he wants me or not!" Andy snapped, startling Meggie. "I'm going in there all the same!" She pushed past Meggie and barged into Dustfinger's room. Meggie slapped her forehead and went into her own room, not wanting to break up their obvious argument.

Meggie plopped on her bed, thinking about her story. She glanced at it and put the laptop beside her on the bed. _Dustfinger may have been able to figure out who Margaret and Ariel were, but he's sure not bright enough to figure out Fenoglio! Who else does Andy like, for one thing? _She was very glad that Dustfinger hadn't figured Fenoglio out, because then he would know her little secret.

Suddenly, Meggie decided she should eavesdrop on Dusty and Andy's conversation. Quietly, she slipped out of her room and sneaked to Dustfinger's room, putting her ear to the door. She was expertly trained at eavesdropping.

"I thought we had something, though!" Andy was saying. Her voice sounded nasally and faltering, as if she were crying. Meggie heard her snuffle.

"Well, I guess you thought wrong!" Dustfinger snapped back.

"But, why?" Andy shot back. "What's wrong, Dusty?"

Meggie almost choked on her own air. _DUSTY? DUSTY??? _She wanted to scream. At the same time, she wanted to stab someone; but whether she wanted to stab Andy or Dustfinger, she didn't know.

"Don't call me that." Dustfinger's voice was barely more than a whisper, but it made Meggie shudder. "Andy, I can't tell you what's wrong. But we're leaving."

"You can't leave," Andy wailed. "Anyway, Mo's not better yet!"

"We managed so far with him like that; we can manage a bit longer," Dustfinger snarled. "Good-bye." Meggie heard footsteps coming to the door, and she quickly fled to her room. She was pretty sure that Roxane was Dustfinger's reason for breaking up with Andy, but she wasn't certain.

Exasperated, Meggie flopped down on her bed, pretending to be reading _Inkheart. _Even though she had quite a fondness for the book, she couldn't concentrate on it right now.

As she expected, Dustfinger rudely barged through her door. She wanted to say, "I've been expecting you," and giggled aloud at the thought. Dustfinger raised his eyebrows at her.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing," Meggie murmured. "I was just thinking of something funny." She smiled blankly and glanced at the dull black printing in _Inkheart. _

"Meggie, we're leaving," Dustfinger blurted out. His face showed very clearly that he was expecting Meggie to be astonished, but she—_wait a minute! _Meggie blinked. _Rewind that! Dustfinger's face showed emotion? Clearly? _This was new.

"Okay." Meggie surprised Dustfinger by hopping easily out of her bed, showing clearly that she was ready to go. She snatched up _Inkheart, _indicated to Dustfinger's backpack, and pushed past him out into the hall. She turned and walked straight to Mo's room, confidence in her steps.

"Mo, we're leaving." She dared peek her head into the room, and Mo was beaming at her.

"Good evening, Meggiefur," Mo addressed, although Meggie was sure it was the early afternoon.

"Hey, Mo, we have to—" Meggie broke off abruptly as something heavy crashed into her side. Dazed, she fell to the floor, and the slim figure of Andy sprinted past her. She whirled on Meggie, her eyes burning. Meggie flinched, recognizing scorn and hatred flashing in their hazel-colored depths.

"You're not going anywhere!" she snarled, leaping at Meggie. Meggie screamed and rolled away, leaving Andy's sharp nails digging into the tile. "Get back here!" The nurse scrambled to her feet and charged at Meggie. Shrieking in surprise, Meggie put up her hands in a feeble attempt to protect herself.

She winced as she felt Andy's nails dig into her flesh. Instinct took over Meggie, and she was so overwhelmed by the fight she didn't have time to feel appalled by Andy's actions. Meggie grabbed Andy's wrists and twisted her arms over. A cry of agony told her she had injured the nurse good, and she let go, kicking out with her legs. Whimpering, Andy retreated, crawling across the floor, for a few paces. She turned with a hiss, back to the fray. Meggie pounced on Andy, slicing her claw-like nails across the nurse's face. Andy raked her nails across Meggie's shoulder, eyes burning with rage.

Blinded by fury and the drops of blood spewing onto the battlefield, Meggie drove her teeth into Andy's neck. She sank her sharp canine teeth in until she tasted blood. _AIDs! _she realized with a gasp, drawing back and spitting out Andy's blood. Too shocked by her own actions, Meggie stumbled back, staring at the bloody Andy in shock. The nurse turned and snatched up a handful of Meggie's hair, roughly pulling her toward her. Meggie yelped, flailing her hands in the air. She clawed at Andy's eyes, and was abruptly released. Meggie lunged forward to snatch Andy's collar and toss her, but suddenly a rough hand grabbed her own shirt collar and tore her from the battle.

"What the hell are you doing?" Dustfinger's voice hissed in her ear.

She tried to explain, but his chokehold on her neck only allowed a faint cough. Muttering an apology, Dustfinger released her, but took her by the shoulders and turned her around so that she looked straight into his eyes.

"A-Andy a-attacked m-me…" she stammered, her gaze growing blurry.

"Meggie?" Dustfinger shook her. "Hello?"

"S-Sorry." She tried to shake off the lightheaded feeling. "W-We fought…" _What a stupid thing to say! _"…and…"

Dustfinger shook her again. "Meggie!"

But as bright red blood gushed from her shoulder and leg, Meggie found it hard to focus on him. She tried to open her mouth to speak, but it was as if it wasn't there anymore. The sound of Andy's scornful roars were drowned out by an eerie silence that took over. A strange purple fire flared up in her eyes, drawing in like a curtain to keep her sight away. From somewhere far away she was aware that Dustfinger was shaking her and calling her name.

"JESUS CHRIST, MEGGIE! WAKE UP!"

She snapped back to life, flinching back. She looked and saw Dustfinger still staring at her. Then Andy came back, breaking free of the grasp Mo had on her and launching herself at Dustfinger. Shaking away her lightheaded feeling again, Meggie flung herself on Andy, snatching her long auburn hair and yanking her back. Dustfinger got to his feet, not sure what to do. As Andy charged at him, he shook her off his leg and warded her off with his foot. Growling, turned into a raging animal-like demon, Andy snapped wildly into the air with her teeth.

Meggie sliced her hands through the air, shuddering at the sickening raking sound they made when they scored a claw mark across Andy's cheek. The nurse tumbled to the side, allowing Meggie to stagger to her feet. One of the doctors—_it took him long enough!_—grasped Andy, pulling his arms under her armpits and holding her writhing form sternly. Her eyes flashed, glazing over like someone possessed.

Panting, Meggie turned to Dustfinger, who was staring wide-eyed at the wild nurse. Her heart ached for him. She wanted to say something comforting, but what was there to say?

Then the fire was back again, flaring back to life in front of her vision. Her legs trembled, growing weak, and she staggered back against the wall. She heard Mo saying something; was he calling her? There was no way of telling. Vaguely she felt her legs give way, and she fell into nothingness.


	7. Chapter Seven: Andyfree

Chapter Seven: Andy-free

Meggie wasn't sure how long the nothingness lasted. At one point, her head swam back into the point where she existed. She felt her body, but didn't know her position, if anything was touching her, and she couldn't move. She struggled to lift her eyelids. She felt her ears break through the ice that covered her, and at first there was only ringing. Then she heard talking. She was still too unfocused and delirious to try to comprehend who was talking, or to even think about it; she only listened.

"Are you sure we turn left?"

"Positive."

"But, what about the map?"

"The map is wrong."

"Why would the map be wrong?"

"Just trust me."

There was probably movement, more talking, but suddenly Meggie's mind wandered away from the conversation. She wanted to cry out and make herself stay awake, but suddenly she was faintly aware of how exhausted she was. She tried to sigh, tried to move, tried to lift her eyes—it was all in vain. Her mind was blank, forgetting all movement, words, talking, which movements controlled which muscles. All that was left was confusion and puzzlement.

"Jesus, Silvertongue; you'd rather trust a map than me?"

Meggie's senses flared into life as the conversation came back. Her eyelids seemed almost capable of opening.

"You haven't even been where we're going!"

Now Meggie recognized that Dustfinger and Mo were talking. Using her newly rediscovered sense, she figured that they must be in the car. Feebly, she opened her eyes. Yes, they were in the van; now she felt the steady bumps from the jagged, rocky road. She tried to lick her lips as she thought the name of her favorite ice cream, Rocky Road, but she was allowed no more movement from her brain; not yet.

All she could do was flicker her eyes around, watching Mo driving with Dustfinger in the passenger seat, and listening to their quarrel. Neither of them bothered to glance over their shoulder to see her looking.

"Fine, Silvertongue, do it your way," Dustfinger hissed. "If we get lost, you'll owe me an apology."

"If we don't, _you'll _owe _me_ one," Mo replied simply. As Meggie gained more and more of her senses and thinking skills, she realized that Mo was no longer loopy, like in the hosp—

_The hospital! _Meggie blinked; it was all she could do. _Andy! She's gone now!_ She would have turned her head around the van, just to make sure, but her neck had trouble moving. But it seemed her lips could move, now.

"Mo?" Her voice was faint, cracked, barely audible or understandable. No response came to her; her father did not turn. "Wha…" she carried on, as if Mo could hear her. Still, neither Mo nor Dustfinger turned to look. She coughed feebly with the effort to speak. Then, exhausted, she slipped into darkness once again.

A hiss awoke Meggie. She started, flinching and snapping her eyes open. She found herself staring into Sunshine's black, curious eyes. The ferret sniffed her face, and it made her smile.

Quickly, her hand flew up to her lips. She could move them! And her hand, she realized. Startled, Sunshine retreated and hopped off of her, onto the floor of the van. Feeling bad for scaring him with her sudden movement, Meggie tried to coax him back to her, when she became uncomfortably aware of eyes burning into her.

She looked up at Dustfinger. He was staring at her, amused. Only then did she notice that the van was not moving, and Mo was not in.

"You woke up, at last," Dustfinger murmured. Meggie was glad her short hair fell into her face at that moment, to cover her blush.

"Where's Mo?" she asked, trying to avoid his gaze.

"Getting food. We're at a restaurant, and he's getting takeout. We figured that you would wake soon, and didn't want you to find an empty car." Dustfinger glanced at Sunshine, who scurried up to him. Gwin poked his head sleepily out of Dustfinger's backpack, blinking his beady eyes.

"What happened?" Meggie was suddenly aware of her throbbing head, shoulder, and leg. As she moved her other arm to push her hair behind her ear, she winced and abruptly dropped it to her side.

"Don't you remember the fight?" Dustfinger asked curiously.

"Yes, I remember that part," Meggie muttered. "What happened after?" She coughed, wishing her body didn't hurt so much.

"You'd lost a lot of blood," Dustfinger explained. "You passed out after you drove Andy off…" He seemed uneasy when he mentioned Andy's name. "The doctors looked at you, and you woke up, but you were a complete lunatic." He chuckled quietly.

"What?" Meggie's head snapped up, and she felt her neck crack with satisfaction. "What was I saying?"

"Well, you screamed that Andy was a bitch, and…other things."

Panic filled Meggie. What had she said?

"Fine. Don't tell me," she sighed. "After that?"

"The doctors sedated you, and said it would be awhile before you woke up. It's morning, now." Then she noticed the dawning sky.

"Oh." Meggie sat up and rubbed her eyes, wincing as she used her arm to hoist herself into sitting position. "Did Andy get fired?"

"I think so."

"You _think_, or you _hope_?" As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Meggie bit her tongue. Why had she said that? She sort of wanted to know if Dusty was still fond of her, but she hadn't planned on asking like that.

But Dustfinger smiled that odd smile of his. "Both." He turned in front again, and didn't look back at her.

Meggie spotted Gwin again, nosing his way out of Dustfinger's backpack. She smiled. "So, you saved Gwin and Sunshine from the car crash, eh, Dusty?" she joked, realizing she had forgotten about the rodents during the stay at the hospital.

"Would you kindly stop calling me that?" Meggie seemed to realize she had now put Dustfinger out of his good mood.

"Okay!" She smiled broadly. "I'll call you Dusteh!"

"What?" He looked back at her, confused. "Dusteh?"

"No, you have to say it like this," Meggie corrected. "DUSTEHH!"

Dustfinger looked as if he was about to say something, but suddenly the car door bounced open, and Mo climbed inside. "Meggie, you're finally up!" He smiled. He was holding three doggy bags in his hands. "I got Chinese food for us." He carelessly passed the food to Dustfinger, who stared at it.

"Why are you giving it to me?"

"Just hold it for a second!" Mo growled. Meggie noticed that she had made Dusteh mad, and he had made Mo mad as well. _Chain reaction, much! _she thought.

"Stop arguing," she scolded them. "The last thing I need right now is to listen to you two bickering the whole car ride."

"Excuse me?" Mo hissed. Meggie flinched; since Mo had become normal again, it was hard for her to get out of the habit of taking charge of things.

"Sorry," she mumbled. There was no way to explain it, for she didn't think that Mo remembered being loopy.

Dustfinger saved her from further discipline. "Meggie's right, you know," he added. "We shouldn't fight—"

He was interrupted by a squeal. Meggie jumped off the seat, despite her injuries, and turned the volume of the radio up to the point where ear damage was possible. "If everyone cared, and nobody cried!" she screamed. "If everyone loved, and nobody lied!" She liked this song.

"Jesus, Meggie!" Mo turned down the volume to a normal level. Before he could continue, Meggie carried on, listening to the next song,

"Somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like the girlfriend that I had in February of last year!" she shrieked, wondering if that was really how the lyrics went. "Heaven ain't close in a place like this!" she added, a few seconds later. She shook her booty and danced, waving her hands in the air and laughing.

"MEGGIE!" Mo pushed her back to her seat and pointed his finger threateningly in her direction. "Stop that! You can party all we want when we—" He broke off. "Never mind. Elinor would never stand that."

"Er, Mo?" Dustfinger asked.

"Not now, Dustfinger! I'm scolding Meggie!" Mo snapped. He turned to Meggie again. Meggie was aware this was the first time Dusteh had not called Mo "Silvertongue."

Meggie hung her head low and whispered, to go along with the radio, "It's really good to hear your voice saying my name, it sounds so sweet…"

As she heard the radio rumble, "With the lips of an angel," she looked up, wistfully, at her father.

"MO?" Dustfinger said, louder.

"What?" Mo snapped, turning.

"It's vibrating!" Dusteh shoved Mo's rumbling cell phone in his face. As Mo flipped it open and put it to his ear, before he could turn the radio volume down, Meggie shot her hand forward and covered the volume dial. She smiled broadly and, not able to help herself, jumped to her feet.

"G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, yeah!" she sang, dancing again. She pulled off the Shakira dance pretty well for a twelve-year-old, flicking her hips around and doing a sexy jig. She hoped Dustfinger noticed.

Mo looked ready to burst with anger, but only quietly turned the volume down. Meggie let him, sitting down on her seat with a sigh.

Mo cleared his throat. "Yes, yes, I know. We've had a little delay, Elinor. What happened, you ask? Well, erm, I'd rather not discuss it right now…It's a long story…Yes, we're all still here…Well, what would you like me to do about that, Elinor?…No, sorry, I don't…Alright. I'm terribly, terribly sorry…It's not as if your books will collapse this minute! …Fine…I'll be there as soon as I can." Growling, he snapped the phone shut and reached for the volume dial, knowing what Meggie wanted.

"I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies!" Meggie yelled. A few seconds later: "Hear the drum pounding out of time!" Later: "Can I get another amen?" and so on.

"ON HOLIDAY!!" she shrieked.

"The representatives from California has the floor," she whispered.

"Because…because we're outlaws! YEAH!" She smiled broadly.

After that was over, another song came on. The parking lot was filled with screams of, "IT'S NOT OVER!!" and the other lyrics of the song.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Mo screamed at one point, just as that song ended, and Meggie was about to chant, "Sweet escape! Sweet escape!"  
Meggie planted her hands over her ears as Mo broke into a scream-fest, yelling his head off, his face red with rage.

"I miss the retarded, crazy Mo!" Meggie screamed in Mo's face when he was done shouting. "I HATE this mean bastard-y one! Go to HELL!" Meggie finished in a rage. Then she ran into the built-in-bathroom, and slammed the door.

"Wow. She's mad," Dustfinger said looking at Mo's angry face.

"She's pissing me off," Mo growled, his hands clutching the steering wheel. He jerked the car forward with a sudden motion, and Meggie screamed from the bathroom.

She had just been putting her mascara on, sniffling, trying to cover up her reddish eyes. Suddenly the car flung her against the wall, shrieking. "I hate you!" she shouted, her throat aching. "I hate you, Mo!" she added, not wanting Dustfinger to think she was mad at him.

"Well she might have pissed you off, but you are seriously pissing her off," Dustfinger said looking towards the bathroom where Meggie was still putting on her make-up to cover up her blotchy face and puffed out eyes. Mo jerked to another stop. From the bathroom Meggie screamed, "Mo! I swear if you do that one more time I am going to come out there and beat the firkin crap out of you. You JERK!"

"Don't talk to me like that, missy!" Mo snapped.

"I'll talk to you however I want!" Meggie sneered back, stomping out of the bathroom with her mascara finally intact. "Let me have my radio on, please, Mo?" she asked, lowering her voice.

"Fine!" Mo gave in, stepping on the gas pedal and finally starting to drive out of the parking lot. Meggie trudged over and turned the volume up.

Hearing the song, she turned and beamed at Dustfinger, trying to make it like she wasn't really singing about him but still doing it.

"Hey hey, you you, I don't like your girlfriend!" she screeched.

"Um… I don't have a girlfriend."

"I see the way you look at me and even when you look away I know you still think of me!" Meggie said in Dustfinger's face.

"Um…okay. Mo, how long until we reach this Elinor's house?" Dustfinger said looking away from Meggie.

Meggie frowned, interrupting whatever Mo's response would be with, "So come over here and tell me what I wanna hear! Better yet, make your girlfriend disappear!"

"I don't have a girlfriend!" Dustfinger snapped. "Are you flirting with me?" He raised one eyebrow.

"I don't want to hear you say her name ever again!" Meggie said giving him a flirtatious wink. She nudged him in the stomach and then said, "You get what I'm saying?" Then she mouthed the word _Andy_. He groaned then looked away from her.

"You get me?" She nudged him again.

"Why do you care, anyway?" Dustfinger groaned, shaking her arm away. "Me and Andy didn't work out."

"I can see why she was so sad," Meggie murmured, looking at her hands on her lap but giving him furtive glances from the corner of her eyes.

"Oh, yeah?" He turned around. Meggie noticed that Mo was wearing headphones, so he couldn't hear them. "Why is that?" Dustfinger asked.

"Um…er…" Meggie fidgeted uncomfortably. "No special reason…"

"Right," Dustfinger snorted disbelievingly.

"Well, um… have you looked in a mirror lately?" Meggie said looking at her push-up-bra-pink toenails.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, um…er…I don't know…"

"I think you do. Tell me!"

"No! NEVER!"

"C'mon Meggie. Just tell me."

"Step one you say we need to talk. He walks you say it's just a talk," Meggie said going off topic as the new song cam on the radio.

Dustfinger raised one eyebrow, and she stared at him because he looked very sexy when he did that. "Meggie?"

"What?" she snapped.

"Tell me, please?"

"Fine, fine!" she growled, clenching her teeth. She lowered her voice. With a quick glance at Mo to make sure he was completely absorbed in his music-listening, she continued, "Well…you are kind of hott." There was a long pause. "That's what Andy said! She told me!" Dustfinger raised both eyebrows this time.

"Hmm…Okay. Whatever," Dustfinger looked out the window and seemed to soon forget Meggie and their conversation. _Or, he probably just _wants_ to forget. _

"Hi, Mo," Meggie said suddenly.

"Hello, Meggie. Do you still think I am a jerk?" Mo looked at Meggie as they were at a red light.

"No, I don't. Sorry," she murmured. Maybe her discussion with Dustfinger had put her in a better mood.

"That's okay," Mo replied, ruffling her hair lightly. She pouted and patted it back down, not wanting to look crappy.

"Are we almost at Elinor's?" she asked, restating what Dustfinger had tried to ask before, before she had interrupted him.

"Sort of." Mo veered the car sharply to the left, and Meggie stifled a scream of surprise.

"Well, how long until we get there? I am in need for a good SHOWER!" Meggie said. Mo laughed and ruffled her hair again.

"Do you know why Dustfinger is so quiet?" Mo asked about thirty minutes later.

"No. Why do you ask?" Meggie said looking around. Dustfinger seemed like he wasn't paying attention, even though he was barely more than a foot away from them.

"I was just wondering," Mo replied.

"I'm right here, you know," Dustfinger muttered, still not looking at them.

"Ah, it speaks," Mo sneered. Meggie ruffled his hair, wondering how he liked it. To her surprise, her father did nothing to maintain his good-hair appearance.

"Why are you so quiet?" Meggie asked him. Dustfinger turned and gave her a hard stare, obviously wanting to say something, but being cautious about Mo. She understood and nodded, mouthing, _Wait._

"Mo, how come you don't have your headphones on?" she asked coolly, trying not to make it seem like she was really into the question.

"Oh! I forgot!" Her father snatched his headphones and put them back on again like some big crisis would break out if he didn't.

"So…?" Meggie looked at Dustfinger.

"Nothing."

"Ha! Now it's my turn to bug _you_!" She poked him. "Tell me!"

"It's nothing, Meggie. Just forget it!"

"No. NEVER!"

"Fine. I'll tell you." Dustfinger dropped his voice to a whisper and whispered something.

"I didn't hear a single word you said! Tell me!"

"I already told you. So, there!"

"Please! Tell me! Just this time can you say it in a normal tone? I am a human so I need a human hearable tone!" Meggie said giving him the puppy dog look.

He looked away, but seemed to give in. "Okay, okay. It's nothing really important."

"Why are you quiet?" Meggie pressed.

"You told me I was hott!" Dustfinger protested. "What am I _supposed _to say to that? Especially coming from a twelve-year-old!"

Meggie shrugged. "I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear you insult me like that," she said fiercely. "Just because I'm a twelve-year-old doesn't mean I don't have good taste!" As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wanted to slap herself. _He must think I'm a total pervert! _She moaned aloud. _And now he knows it wasn't Andy who said that to me!_

"Um…you can pretend I didn't even say that. Like um… okay then I am just going to go over there and look at my magazine! Adam Brody is on this week! He is a total HOTTIE!!" Meggie said going over to where she kept her books and magazines. She picked up a magazine with Adam Brody on it and began to read the article called _How to get your man: ten ways to make him want you!_ Dustfinger just shook his head and went back to looking out the window.

Meggie grinned after a bit and tapped Dustfinger on the shoulder.

"What?" he asked, without turning.

She tapped again. He turned, giving her an inquiring look. She batted her eyelashes numerous times, flipped her hair, and put on this totally flirtatious look. "Nothing special."

"Um, are you okay?" Dustfinger asked slowly, obviously wondering if she had mental problems.

"I'm fine!" She tried to sound nonchalant, like the magazine said—to no success. She was struggling to keep herself from going totally overboard; the magazine had mentioned that, too.

"Could you do me a favor?" Dustfinger glared at her.

"Depends. What is it?"

"Could you kindly leave me alone?"

Meggie pouted. "That hurt in my heart," she said sincerely, even though the magazine had clearly stated: _Don't let him know if he says something to hurt you; just say something hurtful back! _"It did."

"You're annoying me, all the same!" Dustfinger growled. Time to hurt him back!

"Well your MOM! Oh, oh what now, sonny? So you better shut that trap of yours and stop making rude comments to me, you rude three-scarred face! Oh, burn!"

"And you say I'm mean?" Dustfinger said before turning back to the window. "And thanks so much for reminding me about my scars!"

"Not like you could forget them!" Meggie retorted. "They make you look like a murderer, gangster person! Like in the Mafia, only you're skinny and you don't have an Italian accent!"

"Um…" Dustfinger glanced around awkwardly. "Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

"It is whatever you take it as, young one," Meggie stated solemnly, twining her hands together in the sleeves in a Chinese fashion and dipping her head slowly.

Dustfinger looked like he was still struggling about how to react to that when Mo piped up.

"At this rate, we should be at Elinor's by morning!" he said excitedly, smiling broadly at Meggie. He frowned and snatched the Chinese food from Dustfinger's hands. "Don't steal our food!"

Once again Dustfinger was speechless, looking incredulously at the food, Mo, and back to the food again.

"Come on, Meggie, dig in," Mo swept on, tossing Meggie two boxes. Clumsily, she caught them and placed them down on the seat beside her. One was filled with rice, while the other had spareribs and broccoli.

"Thanks, Mo." Eagerly, she picked up the boneless ribs with her plastic fork and bit into them, letting the savory juices fill her taste buds with pleasure.

"And you, too," Mo growled reluctantly, plopping two small boxes of food on Dustfinger's lap. It seemed they all had the same thing. "I already ate in the restaurant, so you two eat now."

Meggie glanced at the food again before nodding and opening the rice. She stabbed at the grains with her plastic fork.

"MEGGIE!" shouted Mo as Meggie chomped on her food. "You can't eat rice with a fork! You HAVE to use chop-sticks!" Mo smacked at Meggie's fork with one of his own chopsticks. Dustfinger just sat in the backseat looking at the crazy family he was riding wit.

"Sorry, Mo," Meggie muttered, grabbing her chopsticks and proceeding to eat her meal.

Dustfinger turned around and started to eat, making sure he was using his own chopsticks. The car hit a bump, and Meggie's food sprang into the air. With a shriek, she snatched it out of mid-air, but some of the rice spilled on the car.

Mo clenched his teeth in anger. "I JUST HAD THE CAR WASHED!" Mo outburst. His face was beat red and if you looked very closely you could see steam rising from his head!

Meggie shrank back. "Not my fault. If you didn't go over so many firkin' bumps, it wouldn't have happened, dammit!" She clenched her teeth in a scowl.

Mo gasped. "Meggie." Mo put his hand to his heart and drew back in shock. "That wasn't a nice thing to say. You know that, right?" Mo said getting the portable vacuum cleaner he kept in the van.

"Watch where you're going!" Dustfinger shouted, grabbing the steering wheel and veering sharply to the left. "Do you want to get us in another accident?" he snapped, as the huge truck that was about to hit them rode away.

"Listen we are just gonna pull over for the night, okay?" Dustfinger snapped again. Mo obediently veered into a vacant parking lot.

"No!" Meggie screamed, diving forward to the steering wheel. It was too late. Abruptly, she burst into tears. "No! No, no, no! I can't spend one more night in this wretched car!"

Mo scowled. "Shut up, Meggie. You'll live."

"Mo! Please cant we go somewhere. Like a hotel?" Meggie gave Mo the puppy dog eyes and the puppy look. "No" Mo said and that was that. Meggie stuck up her middle finger to Mo's back then tuned to go to the back of the van.

Dustfinger saw Meggie's finger go up, but naturally he didn't say anything. Meggie wandered to the back of the van, looking for something to do. "Stupid, stupid Mo," she growled inwardly. Louder, though she didn't realize it, she scowled, "Why can't he be a good father, who listens to his poor damn daughter's needs? Jesus, if I go one more night without a hair-dryer, I'll scream!!!"

"Meggie! Enough with your whining!" Mo said turning around. "I don't wanna be in this damned vehicle but I am going to stay here. Ever since we left the hospital all three of us have been acting poopy! So for now on we pretend the hospital thing NEVER existed. Get it. Got it. Good." Mo was starting to sound like the old nice normal Mo now (with the exception of the fact that he had uttered the word "poopy.") Meggie was fine with that.

"How can we pretend it never existed, though?" Meggie asked. "It's easy for you, Mo, seeing as you probably desperately want to forget it. But with Andy in the picture, it seems almost impossible for me and Dusteh." She nudged Dustfinger. "Agree with me!"

"What? Oh, erm, yeah, she's right," Dustfinger mumbled.

"No! You gotta say, 'True dat!'" Meggie corrected.

"Um…true dat?" he said slowly.

"With more emotion! Jeez, you need practice." Meggie shook her head. "True dat!" she explained.

"True dat!" Dustfinger growled.

Mo gasped and whirled around. "Did I just hear Dusty say something gangsta?" He slapped Dustfinger on the back. "It's about time, my friend! Good job!"

Dustfinger, completely oblivious to the understanding of the situation and clearly confused, looked around.

"Looks like we all have a bit of gangsta in us, Mo," Meggie said, mentally making that sentence her Quote of the Day.

"True dat." Mo grinned. "See how easy it is to be gangsta, Dusty?"

Dustfinger sighed and pushed his hair back from his face. Meggie wondered how he managed to keep with his sanity after spending so much time with them.

She leaned forward to whisper in Mo's ear. "Maybe we should be normal for awhile," she told him. "I think Dustfinger is having a hard time coping with our oddness."

"Alright." Although Mo seemed like he meant what he said, he sounded disappointed. He cleared his throat and turned to the front window. "Right, now, let us stop here. And please, Meggie, don't give me a hard time about it. I'm tired and want to go into the bar."

"Fine," Meggie muttered, folding her arms over her chest. Mo opened the car door—and a squirrel fell right on his head.


	8. Chapter Eight: Fire Secrets

Chapter Eight: Fire Secrets

After a minute or two of running around screaming, Mo managed to dislodge the squirrel from his head, whereas the furry creature dropped to the ground, hissed, and darted up a nearby tree.

"Damn rodents!" Mo cursed, ruffling his dark hair, trying to remove all essence of squirrel. Gwin, apparently insulted, poked his head out of Dustfinger's backpack and spat at Mo.

"So, are we just standing here?" Meggie asked, examining her pink fingernails. She yawned nonchalantly and sat on the front of the van, swinging her legs around.

"The bar doesn't open for a few hours yet," Mo declared, after squinting to read the sign on the door of the bar. A strong wind picked up, ruffling Meggie's hair in front of her face, and she could just imagine a big, thick tumbleweed rolling across the deserted parking lot.

"What do we do until then?" Dustfinger asked, leaning back against the car.

"Loiter?" Mo suggested, kicking a stray stone with his shoe. "I think I have a deck of cards in my suitcase, but I don't feel like getting it."

Dustfinger suddenly swung his backpack around, opened it, and took out a box of matches.

"You planning on setting the place on fire?" Meggie joked. To her surprise, Mo wasn't at the least concerned or bothered by the matches. He seemed to act like it was perfectly normal for someone to pull out a box of matches at any given moment.

But Dustfinger lit the match and held it up to his face. That was it. He just stared at the tiny flame, his eyes blank as if he were looking right through it. But at the same time, he seemed depressed, and he looked at the fire with longing.

_Is this all we're going to do? _Meggie thought with a snort. _I'll sit here, Mo will get squirrel poop out of his hair, and Dustfinger will stare at a match? Sounds fun! Not! _She groaned and kicked the ground with her foot. She pulled her throbbing foot in, glancing up at Mo.

"Don't set anything on fire, Dustfinger," he advised.

Dustfinger gave Mo an incredulous look. "You think I would, Silvertongue?" he asked, apparently forgetting that Meggie preferred 'Mo.' "Haven't you forgotten that I am—"

"No, I haven't," Mo interrupted, shooting Dustfinger a warning look. "But you must always be cautious with fire."

Dustfinger smirked like that was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard. Meggie pondered why that was, seeing as fire was not to be tampered with. Mo seemed to know Dustfinger's reason for smirking, but he didn't respect it much.

"Fire is harder to tame here," Mo added, being careful about his word choice for 'here,' as opposed to 'in this world.'

"It's okay," Meggie broke in. "I know. You can just say that fire's harder to tame in this world." She stifled a chuckle at Mo's appalled and completely taken aback expression.

"Dustfinger? Why did you tell her?" Mo demanded, his face turning from milky white to burning red.

"I told you, she needed to know! And they had _the book _at the hospital! You were acting like a complete lunatic at the time, so I had to tell her!" Dustfinger defended. Gwin chattered and scrambled out of his backpack, dodging the still-scorching matchstick that Dustfinger blew out as he was talking. The marten climbed on top of the van, waving his tail around, his horns shining in the sun.

"Definitely explains why Gwin has horns," Meggie commented lightly, hoping to calm Mo's temper.

"I still can't believe you told her…" Mo's voice trailed off as he shook his head. "But, we have been through a lot on this journey. I suppose it isn't much more for her to handle."

Meggie ran through their adventures in her mind. _Capricorn's men breaking in, the hotel, Roxanne the waitress, the Friendly's people (who weren't so friendly) the hospital, Mo's craziness, Andy's treachery…_and their journey had barely begun yet.


	9. Chapter Nine: Bar Party

Chapter Nine: Bar Party

Later, Meggie barely remembered how they spent those long few hours waiting for the bar to open. But, they went by, slowly but surely. She might not have noticed, had Mo not been constantly checking the door.

"It's open!" he called at one point, as if they didn't already notice by the dozens of cars already lined up, and the people piling in. "Come on!" He hastily walked through the door. Reluctantly, Dustfinger followed, with Gwin scampering after him—and Meggie went in last, sighing.

"Now we can drink away all our troubles!" Mo grinned.

"Thank God," Dustfinger muttered under his breath, but Meggie heard.

"Now you two, don't get too drunk," Meggie advised, glaring at Mo all the while. "We'll probably blow off all our money, too, if you waste it all on alcohol."

"Relax, Meggie. We have plenty of money," Mo assured her.

Meggie shook her head hopelessly.

The bar was crowded with people; drunken men were bustling everywhere, shouting and getting into fights. Although Dustfinger hesitated before going in, it didn't seem to bother Mo, who charged right up to the bartender and ordered a beer. Meggie heard Dustfinger ordering some wine before their voices were drowned out in the roar of the bar.

"What'll it be, sweetie?" Another bartender went over to her, coughing on his cigar, his voice rough. "Not alcohol, I hope." He looked her up and down.

"A Shirley temple, please," Meggie said quietly.

"Eh?" The bartender gagged on the cigar smoke.

"A Shirley temple!" Meggie yelled.

"Iight, you coulda just said so, miss." He hacked up a ball of saliva onto the floor before staggering away.

_The employees must've gotten drunk themselves before anyone got here, _Meggie thought. She hated being in this smoke-filled atmosphere, where drunken people were staggering all over the place, beating each other up. _At least no one's beating Mo or Dustfinger up…yet._

"There ya go, Shirley temple, cherry on top!" The bartender gave her an almost-toothless smile as he set down her drink in front of her. After sniffing it suspiciously—she never knew with these people—Meggie declared in her mind that it was non-alcoholic, and it was safe to drink. She sipped it a bit before grabbing a straw and using that. She noticed that Mo and Dustfinger were getting a lot of refills.

Two men, grappling each other in a deadly embrace, knocked into Meggie as they passed by. She looked up. Almost everyone in the bar was beating each other up, except a few choice people—and, luckily, that included Dustfinger and Mo. She would be more than embarrassed if they started a fight. They'd more than likely be arrested. And why weren't the police coming? _Simple, _she answered herself. _There's no one to call them, because everyone's either drunk or too intent on becoming drunk to care!_

Suddenly Meggie turned, to notice that Mo had disappeared. "Hey." She poked Dustfinger in the shoulder. When he didn't turn, she pulled on his hair.

"Ouch! What?" He turned, taking a big gulp of his wine.

"Where'd Mo go?"

"How the hell should I know?" Dustfinger slammed his wine glass down and called to the bartender for a refill. No doubt soon he would be too drunk to be of any assistance to her.

"Did he just leave?"

"Yeah, a minute or two ago. He didn't say anything." The bartender came and hurried off with Dustfinger's glass.

"You didn't ask him?"

"Does it look like I did?" Dustfinger sneered before burping loudly in Meggie's face.

"Ugh, gross!" Meggie made a face and turned away. "Fine, I'll go find Mo myself." Dustfinger didn't reply as she hopped off the bar stool and made her way through the crazy, violent crowd. People kept punching her in the arms and legs and, occasionally, the side of the head, as she struggled through.

She went white as she saw Mo dancing on top of one of the tables, screaming. People were cheering, and he whipped his shirt off, continuing to dance. Meggie stared at her so-called "father," gaping. A million thoughts went through her mind, but the one thought that kept worming its way back into her mind was, _My dad has a hairy chest! Ew!!_

When Meggie seemed to snap back to her senses, she ran over to Mo. "Mo! What are you doing? Get down! And put your shirt back on!" But Mo didn't even acknowledge her—she wasn't even sure if he knew she was there, because he was too engrossed in showing off for the ladies (and maybe even some men). One man staggered up to Mo, smiling broadly, and exclaimed, "Mo, you have beautiful eyes!" Now, Meggie had no clue how this stranger knew her father's name, until she recalled that she had shouted it out loud. Obviously someone was listening to her desperate cries.

Mo grinned at the drunken man, apparently flattered. "So do you!" he shouted. "And thank you!"

"Your welcome!" the man replied, before stumbling away into the crowd. People were starting to throw money at Mo, screaming things that Meggie didn't want to repeat at any time in her life to anyone. They put horrible images in her mind and forever scarred the vision of her father.

"Aw, what the hell? Might as well enjoy this night when Mo's drunk and Dustfinger is who knows where! I'm getting SUGAR RUSSH!!" Meggie exclaimed heading towards the bar.

"Yo! I'll take a Shirley Temple!" Meggie said to the bored bar tender.

"Yea," she said back getting the ingredients. Five minutes later Meggie went back to the same bar tender, which she soon found out was named Allie, and said, "I'll have a Shirley Temple on the rocks, two cherries this time!" When she said two she held up two fingers. The bar tender rolled her eyes and went to work. When Meggie got her drink, she looked up to see Mo standing on a new table singing, "Bob the builder! Can we fix it? Bob the builder! Yes we can!" making arm gestures and funky dance moves while singing. He suddenly the jumped off the table and into the crowd. Mo was crowd surfing! Meggie needed more sugar!

"I'll have three Red Bulls!" Meggie said to the bored looking waitress.

"Three?" Allie said in disbelief.

"Yes, three! Are you deaf?" Meggie shouted back at her. When the bartender looked like she was about to protest, Meggie added, "I _am _paying you, you know!" And she fell silent, rushing off for the Red Bulls.

_Wow, I'm feeling drunk on sugar already! _Meggie thought triumphantly, feeling the room start to spin. Dizzily, she fell back against the bar, shaking her head, trying to clear it. Allie came back with the energy drinks, and Meggie gulped the first one down in a hurry. She hadn't expected the taste to be so dreadful, but she felt that she could handle it, and proceeded to chug the second one. She heard people clapping and cheering, chanting, "Chug it! Chug it! Chug it! Chug it!" but could not remember much else. Dazed, Meggie smashed the empty can against her head, easily flattening it and tossing it into the excited crowd.

"I'm goin' in for da third!" Meggie announced, opening the can of Red Bull and satisfying herself with the sizzling noise it made. But she knew that when she put the large can to her lips, a distasteful liquid would fill her mouth, setting her taste buds on fire. Nevertheless, she couldn't back down, and kept drinking, as her whole world flipped and turned and spun right before her very eyes, which were very confused. Suddenly the horrible taste, spinning, and queasy feeling built up inside of Meggie, and she turned green in the face. Without warning, her body wrenched over and she spat up all of her digested food on the ground—A.K.A., she barfed. The crowd drew back and made disgusted noises. Meggie who was turning back to her normal tan skin color could feel blood rushing to her checks. She felt a tap behind her. She turned around to see Dustfinger standing bent over and looking drunk.

"Meggie, I love your smile!" he said wearily. Then he was off following Allie, who looked awfully familiar to Meggie, but she didn't know whom. Mo was still standing on the tables dancing around like a drunken gay man. Meggie looked around for Dustfinger but she couldn't find him anywhere. Then as Meggie looked around the bar, everything began to spin around and around. Suddenly, everything went pitch black.


	10. Chapter Ten: Hangover

Chapter Ten: Hangover

Meggie awoke to the sound of banging metal. She looked around her. She was in a dark small place, and she was scared. She didn't remember anything that happened last night.

"Am I dead?" she asked aloud though she was hoping no one would hear her. "Oh my god! I need air! I'm claustrophobic!" She shouted banging against the cool walls around her. She screamed, but suddenly she noticed that the top was loose. Hurriedly, she tossed the top of the confined space away and blinked into the light.

_What the hell? I'm in a trashcan! _she realized, taking in her surroundings. There were two other trashcans around her. One was on the ground. The other one was still standing, but it was rattling. Meggie glanced at the trashcan on the ground and was hardly surprised when she saw Dustfinger crawling out of it, uttering curses.

"Hey, Dusteh!" she called to him, waving. He turned to her and groaned. Grinning, she glanced around, trying to figure out the safest way to get out of the trashcan. The only solution she could see was to tip it over, although from observing Dustfinger, it looked kind of painful. Shrugging that off, she rammed into the side of the trashcan. She shut her eyes tight but screamed as the trashcan fell to the side with a thud. Pain shot through her ribs for a split second, but then she was fine. Meggie blinked open her eyes and slowly pulled herself out of the trashcan.

"Mo?" she shouted, looking at the third can. It rattled again before the lid was flown off and Mo's head popped out. He blinked at her for a moment, as if he didn't realize she was there.

"Oh, hi, Meggie," Mo grumbled. "Good-night." His head disappeared inside the trashcan again, but before Meggie could protest, the trashcan toppled over. She laughed as Mo crawled out.

"Meggie, I'm having a major hangover today," her father told her groggily. "Please let me sleep. This is a lovely trashcan." And with that, he was fast asleep.

Meggie glanced at Dustfinger. "If you go to sleep I will kill you," she told him.

"I'm up!" Dustfinger said, getting to his feet. Meggie did the same.

"I have a hangover too," Meggie admitted. "A sugar rush hangover! God, the last thing I remember is drinking those Red Bulls and spewing my guts up."

"I remember that." Dustfinger nodded. "And then you passed out."

"Yeah, and I'm sure no one did anything about it!" Meggie spat in disgust.

"Nah, everyone just kept drinking."

"Thought so!" Meggie kicked a stone with her foot. "Goddamnit, Mo! Wake up!" She trudged over to her father's trashcan and kicked it. It made an echoing banging sound, but Mo did not stir.

"Hopeless…" She sighed and sat down on the trashcan. Suddenly she asked, "Dustfinger, if I had a British accent, would you be my friend?"

"Who says I'm your friend?" Dustfinger asked, sitting down on his trashcan.

"Ha, very funny. Seriously, though."

"Um…sure, I guess." He shrugged. "Why?"

"Because from now on I'm going to talk with a British accent, okay?"

"Can I ask why…?" Dustfinger looked at her like she was crazy. Which she was, but he needn't know that.

"There's no reason, really. I just feel like it. Plus they say cool things like 'bloody hell!' and 'piss off!'"

Dustfinger just stared at her like she sprouted another head.

"What? Is that _so_ surprising?" Meggie stood up and kicked Mo's trashcan again.

"Bananas!" Mo screamed, still sleeping.

"Sort of," Dustfinger said, ignoring Mo. "Where did you come up with this all of the sudden?"

"Where do I come up with _anything?_" Meggie muttered, not exactly answering his question. "Are we going to get Mo up, or what?"

"Sure." Dustfinger stood and kicked Mo's trashcan so hard that it rolled over. Startled, the sleeping Mo woke with a snort. Meggie giggled. Her father made a moaning noise and inched out of the trashcan, slowly getting to his feet.

"I hate hangovers," he mumbled, rubbing his neck.

"So do I," Meggie said with a British accent. Since she had only spoken three words, Mo did not seem to notice her dialect. "Father, shall we begin traveling again, now?"

This time Mo noticed her. "Meggie…?"

"Bloody hell, Father! Shall we get into the car?" She walked over to it, all alone in the parking lot again, and gestured wildly with one hand.

"You've never called me 'Father' before, Meggie," Mo observed. "Or anything else. Just Mo. And you never had a British accent, either!"

"Don't be silly, Father. I've always had this lovely dialect."

"It's Mo, Meggie. Just Mo."

"If I must, Mo." Meggie sighed in defeat. "Are we getting in the car?" Suddenly her accent was gone, her tone dry.

"I'm not sure…" Mo winced. "My hangover, Meggie. I have a killer headache. Can I please sleep, now? I feel as if someone clubbed me with a baseball bat."

"Someone probably did," Dustfinger interjected dully. "You were too drunk last night to know."

"Ugh…I don't remember anything. Meggie, was I dancing shirtless?"

"Um…do I have to answer that, Mo?" Meggie asked feebly.

"Oh, I remember that," Dustfinger said, making it obvious that it had indeed happened. Meggie shot him a glare, and he shrugged. "Mo might as well know."

"Well, Dustfinger, do you think I still have a beautiful smile?" Meggie asked as she recalled him saying that to her last night before he went off to follow Allie. Then it suddenly hit her. Allie was a prettier and more girlie version of … ANDY!!

"OMFG!!" she screamed, suddenly sprinting back to the door. She did a few minutes' worth of banging dramatically on the front doors before realizing that the door was open. Hurriedly she went inside. "Allie?" she called. "Allie??" She looked around relentlessly, but it was dark. Allie could've been right in front of her and she wouldn't know. "Hello?" she groped for something with one hand.

"Hello?" a voice called back, one that sounded faintly familiar. Allie had barely spoken last night, so Meggie knew her voice had to be similar to Andy's. "Who's there?"

"It's me, Meggie! The girl who drank the three Red Bulls last night!" Meggie said, worried that Allie would hurt her if she didn't know who she was.

A bright light burst from the ceiling lamp. Allie was standing a few feet away, brandishing a dining chair threateningly in Meggie's direction. Upon seeing her, she let out a sigh of relief and put the chair down. "What do you want?" she asked, still slightly wary.

"Um…I just wanted to know, Allie, if you're related to anyone by the name of Andy. Well, that's her nickname, her full name is Andrea—"

"How do you know my sister?" Allie interrupted, narrowing her eyes.

Meggie gasped. "Your sister? Andy's your sister?"

Allie snorted. "I'm not proud of it, if you think I should be. She just went to jail the other day for attacking some poor girl at the hospital she works at. She's crazy, and she always has been. I knew she would crack someday…" She trailed off and shook her head.

Meggie nodded in agreement. "I heard about that. I was actually, er, in the hospital when that happened."

Allie's eyes widened. "Were you the girl she attacked?"

Meggie didn't know whether to say yes or no. What if she said yes and Allie yelled at her for attacking her sister? "Erm, well…yes."

She smiled and reached for Meggie's hand, shaking it vigorously. "Well then, congratulations! You sure put my sister in her place! I hear she's got a horrible neck wound—what did you do, bite her?"

Meggie just stood, astonished, unable to speak. This was the last reaction she could have predicted.

"Uh…yea I did bite her." Meggie said as Allie disappeared into the kitchen, then came back with two Pepsi's. She handed one to Meggie and kept the other for herself. She sat down in a chair and motioned for Meggie to sit down.

"So tell me. What did you do to my freak of a sister? What did she do to you? Tell me everything!" Allie said looking eagerly at Meggie. Meggie then went into a quick but very descriptive story of what happened at the hospital. That she had attacked Andy because she was always smooching Dustfinger. When she was done Allie had a small look of horror on her face.

"I kissed Dustfinger! Please don't hurt me!" Allie pleaded quietly. When Allie was saying that Meggie had taken a sip of her Pepsi. But now, it was all of Allie's face. Allie had a look of disgust on her face for a moment, but then she wiped it off with her t-shirt. Meggie wasn't going to hurt Allie because they had two things in common, they both hated Andy and they both liked Dustfinger.

"Okay, Allie, this can turn into a very good alliance or it could turn into something horrible. And, judging from what I just told you about Andy, I don't think you'd prefer the second one," Meggie said reasonably. "We both hate Andy. But, why do _you_ hate her?"

Allie looked thoughtful for a moment. "I've hated Andy for as long as I can remember. I always have things like that about my family. From the moment I set my eyes on them, I can tell whether I hate them or like them. I adore my younger brother Luke, for one thing. I hate my father. I love my mother. Andy…" She shook her head. "Maybe it has to do with the fact that since we're twins, we were constantly fighting over everything. We always like the same things, which made it doubly hard. And we always hate the same things. Like we hate each other. But Andy's on the dark side. She loves _Father_—if you could call him that—and hates our mom. And she hates Luke."

"Wow, that was deep," Meggie replied, still thinking this over. "Maybe it's natural for an awesome person like you and me to hate Andy." She shrugged and took a gulp of her Pepsi. "Well, I have to go. Mo and Dustfinger will be waiting for me, so—"

"Wait!" Allie grabbed her arm as she turned to go. "Can I come with you?" Her eyes were full of desperation. "No one will notice that I'm gone. And, if you're going to possibly have a run-in with my sister, I want to be there with you."

Meggie smiled. "Of course you can come. The more the merrier!" She pulled Allie to her feet with the arm that the bartender clutched onto. "I'm sure Mo won't mind. We have plenty of space in the van."

"Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Allie looked as if she were about to throw herself at Meggie's feet and worship her.

"Oh, but of course, on one condition." Meggie glanced up at Allie.

"Anything!" she breathed.

"No flirting with Dustfinger."

After a brief moment of silence, Allie muttered, "Fine."

Meggie's smile returned. "Come on!" She dragged Allie out into the light of day. "Mo! We have another passenger!" Mo and Dustfinger were already at the van and when Meggie came outside with Allie following behind her, Dustfinger's mouth dropped down to the floor.

Mo smiled gaily at Allie. "Welcome aboard, Andy!" He grinned.

Allie straightened her jaw, her hands clenched in fists.

Meggie gasped. "Mo! Don't _ever _refer to Allie as Andy! She has nothing in common with her filthy sister!"

"Wait a minute." Dustfinger looked at Meggie, and then Allie. "Sisters?"

Meggie nodded. "Allie and Andy are twins."

"Oooohhh!" Mo suddenly exclaimed, clambering into the car. Dustfinger did likewise, and Meggie and Allie got into the backseat. "What's Allie's warrior name going to be?"

Dustfinger looked puzzled by this, but Meggie didn't bother to explain anything to him. "Hmm…maybe…not Alliefoot, that's too much like Andyfoot…Alliewhisker?"

"I don't have whiskers!" Allie stated defiantly.

"Well, I don't have fur, either, but my name's Meggiefur," Meggie pointed out.

"Yeah, and I'm Moear, but I don't have ears," Mo piped up. Meggie just looked at him for a long moment, blinking, deciding not to correct him. She glanced at Allie, who also looked at Mo oddly.

"Allieleaf," Meggie suggested.

Allie nodded in agreement. "Allieleaf is good." Meggie guessed she hadn't a clue what they were referring to.

"Who the hell cares?" Dustfinger muttered. "Can we just get going?"

"Patience, young one." Mo gave him such a solemn look that Meggie burst out laughing.

Allie leaned over and whispered in Meggie's ear, "Are you sure you're father is fit to drive?"

Meggie shrugged. "Mo's never fit to drive. We already got into the car accident, as you know, because he was arguing with Dustfinger over food. And before that I had to pull the car over because Mo thought he was a cat and he started attacking Dustfinger." When Allie gave her a funny look, she added, "We have a very messed-up group going on here."

"Can't Dustfinger drive instead, then?" Allie asked. Meggie's words had been anything but helpful.

"No. He can't."

Allie blinked. "What do you mean, he can't?"

"Dustfinger can't drive. He doesn't know how to."

"That's weird," Allie said bluntly.

"Yeah, well, he's not the brightest bulb in the box," Meggie said, lowering her voice even more to make sure Dustfinger didn't hear her.

"Oh. But he's the hottest one." Allie said with a wink at Dustfinger who had been looking their way when he heard his name. Meggie just gave Allie a death glare.

"If looks could kill, Allie, you'd be so dead." Meggie whispered as Allie looked away from Dustfinger. Allie just nodded her head and moved away from Meggie.

"Hey!" Mo yelled from the driver's seat, glaring at Meggie through the rear view mirror. "There will be no talk of death in this van. Got it?"

Meggie sighed. "Mo, we're being relentlessly pursued by an evil fictional mastermind villain, and you think we shouldn't be allowed to discuss death?"

"Meggie," Dustfinger warned through clenched teeth, but Allie had not been exactly 'lost in thought' at that moment.

"What?" Frantic, she looked around. "We're being pursued? By _who?"_

"You've done it now," Dustfinger muttered.

"Shut up," Meggie hissed at him. "Allie, I was joking—"

"Joking? How could you have been joking?" Allie demanded. She stopped and took a deep breath. "I don't care if you all are being pursued by frigging Adolf Hitler," she added more softly. "I'm still going to stick with you all. But I _won't_, however, stand to be in this van if someone doesn't tell me what the hell is going on!" Her face showed that she was completely determined to know.

"Allie…" Meggie searched for something to say. "We don't really even know who we're fleeing from ourselves. At least, _I _don't." She cast a glance in Dustfinger's direction. "Care to elaborate?"

"No, I don't," he said truthfully. "I really would not care to elaborate. I would much rather have Mo tell you."

"Mo's crazy and having a hangover at the moment," Allie pointed out. "He wouldn't be much help."

"Yeah," Meggie agreed, glad that Allie was siding with her. "So you'll either have to tell us, Dusteh, or Allie here is leaving." She crossed her arms and raised one eyebrow. "What's it gonna be?"

After a few moments of complete and awkward silence, Mo broke it by starting the engine of the car and yelling out—quite loudly—"FWEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What the—?"

Whatever else Dustfinger was going to say was drowned out by the screeching of the tires as Mo sharply turned out of the parking lot, and they all fell. Laughing maniacally, Mo veered out of the way of an SUV in front of them just in time.

"Answer the goddamn question!" Meggie yelled at Dustfinger, grabbing on to the hook on the side of the car to keep herself upright.

"Meggie," Allie said gently, though she was panicked. "I think we might all be a little distracted by—"

"I don't goddamn care what you're goddamn distracted by!" Meggie interrupted with a hiss. "He needs to answer the"—her next word was drowned out by another screeching of the tires—"…question!" Allie who was in earshot of Meggie and heard what Meggie had said, even though it was very faint.

"Meggie! Watch your language!" Allie said as they stopped at a red light. Meggie looked down at her feet, than gave Allie a smug looking smile. Allie turned away from her and put all of her attention on Dustfinger.

"Please Dustfinger? Can you tell me?" Allie asked pouting her lip in a seductive way. Meggie gasped. How could Allie be hitting on Dustfinger? Dustfinger just looked at her then shook his head.

"Sorry. No sir. I won't tell you." He said then turned to look out the window. _Uh. Here we go again. Looking out the putrid window!_ Meggie thought as she stole a look at Dustfinger.

"Hey. Do you have any _Seventeen_ magazines? I'm like really bored." Allie said ten minutes later. Meggie just looked at her than got up, went to her bunk, grabbed her magazines, and threw them at Allie. She was still mad at Allie for hitting on Dustfinger.

"Bob the builder! Take it away Dusty!" Mo shouted a few moments later. Dustfinger didn't even look at Mo. "How 'bout you Allie?" He asked when there was no reply from Dustfinger.

"Can we fix it?" Allie shouted looking up from her magazine. She laughed when she was done.

"Bob the builder! Take it away Meggie!" Mo shouted when Allie was done laughing.

"Yes, we can!" Meggie shouted going into hysteria of laughs. Her dad was so queer. Mo started to clap and was screaming all sorts of cheers.

"MO! Put your hands on the wheel!" Meggie screamed as they came close to hitting a car that was stopped at the stoplight. Mo hit the breaks and the car came screeching to a stop.

"Phew, that was close." Allie said pretending to wipe sweat from her forehead.

"We have a lot of close calls in this…er…" Meggie was about to say family, but then remembered that Dustfinger wasn't related to them, "_traveling group._"

Mo giggled. "I like that phrase. _Traveling group_." Laughing, he saved the van from another close-call encounter with a huge lumber truck. Suddenly, they heard a loud, long sound that could only be described as a police siren.

"Holy shit!" Meggie yelled at once, not caring that Allie sent her a disapproving glare. "Fuck! Mo, put the damn metal to the goddamn pedal!" Allie clamped her hand over Meggie's mouth so that no more foul language would come out of it. Meggie muttered a few muffled words into Allie's palm.

"I'm on it!" Mo told her, apparently oblivious to her swearing. "I don't see what the big deal is, though, Meggiefur," he added, pressing the gas pedal as far back as it could go. "Policemen are our _friends._" His eyes widened at the word.

"Not when they're trying to throw you in jail!" Meggie pushed Allie's hand away. "Just lose them! And be quick about it!"

"Hopefully we'll be out of this in a jiffy," Allie said, trying to make light of it.

Dustfinger, however, did not share her optimism. "We're all gonna die," he mumbled. "This is it. Well, I've had my fun in life, I took it pretty far, too…"

"Oh, will you stop it?" Meggie snapped at him. "The worst that will happen is that we'll go into jail—"

"Jail?" Dustfinger jolted to attention. "You mean like Capricorn's fort—"

"Ivnuireogberov vierogwa oc viorugbri!!!" Mo screamed. It sounded like rubbish to Allie and Dustfinger, but Meggie narrowed her eyes. She recognized that Coolio phrase, which meant, "I'm saying this to distract someone from revealing a secret!"

_Another secret, huh? _Meggie thought. _And I bet that secret involves Inkheart. All of them do. Inkheart secrets. Inksecrets…_

"GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY!" Dustfinger took a heroic dive at the steering wheel, jerking it out of the way of a police car just in time. "Drive! Hurry!" he barked. "And pay attention to the road!"

"You got it, chief," Mo said, gripping the steering wheel with a determined air. For a second the police sirens got really quiet. Meggie, Mo, Dustfinger and Allie were getting away. But, than they got louder and when Meggie looked out the window she could see three, yes three, police cars on their tail.

"SHIT! They're on our butts! Step on the gas, Mo!" Meggie screamed as Mo stepped on the gas and the car jolted forwards.

"Uh, Meggie…we have a slight technical difficulty." Mo said in a quiet voice.

"What is it?" Meggie said. She was starting to get pissed off.

"We are kind of low on gas." Mo said and just as he said it, the car stopped dead, in the middle of the road, with no gas left in the engine.

"Great. Just great. Perfect." Meggie said as a cop stepped out of the cars. "Mo, for once in your life, _act normal._"

"Okay." Mo cleared his throat and watched as the policeman approached the car. He looked scary, with a flat mustache and a hat that made him look like a cowboy.

"Evening, officer," Mo said in such a formal voice that it shocked Meggie into silence. "Lovely night, isn't it?"

The policeman raised both of his eyebrows, but was silent.

"Er, Mo?" Dustfinger muttered, so quietly that Meggie was sure the cop couldn't hear. "It's eleven in the morning."

"Oh…right." Mo turned to the cop and started laughing. "Just kiddin' ya, buddy!" he laughed. "Good morning to ya!"

The officer just stared—no, _glared_—at him.

Mo's smile disappeared. "Right. Er, sorry we were, uh…"

"Veering out of control, zooming past the speed limit, and trying to outrun the police," the police officer said dryly. "Yes, you should be sorry, Mr…"

"Fol—"

Dustfinger dug his elbow into Mo's ribs.

"Owwie!" Mo yelped.

"Right, Mr. Followie," the policeman said. "You should be very sorry, _indeed, _about breaking the law, because you are hereby under—"

"Arrest?" Meggie snapped. "You're going to arrest a man and his wife on their wedding day?" she added, thinking quickly and acting outraged. She nudged Allie. "Al—I mean, Alexandra here has been looking forward to this proposal for months now, right, Alex?"

Allie nodded lamely.

The cop looked semi-convinced. "So?" he growled. "Who's he?" He jerked his head in Dustfinger's direction.

"Best man," Mo told him. "In my eyes, the best man should _always _sit up front, and the bride gets to sit in the back with the flower girl." He smiled at Meggie.

"You ain't in your formal clothes?" the officer asked. Meggie glimpsed his badge: Officer Steve. "And why ain't the ring bearer here?" He looked suspicious.

"Well," Allie jumped in, when the rest were lost for words. "For one thing, the ring bearer is meeting us there. He's traveling with his family. _And_," she went on, before Steve could object, "why would we want to get our clothes dirty? What do you think we are, peasants?" She glared at him as if he had truly insulted her. "If you must be so _nosy _about it, officer, we will be changing when we arrive at the wedding. Now, as it happens, we are late, so if that doesn't explain why we were going past the speed limit, I don't know what does!" She ended with a defiant glare. She looked at Mo. "Please leave, dear." Meggie noticed when she looked away that she had a disgusted face from having to say the word _dear _referring to Mo.

Without any further word, Mo drove away, leaving Officer Steve baffled and completely outwitted.

"Damn," Meggie muttered. "Allie, you're a good liar, and you bought us some time, but they'll soon come to their senses. Wedding or no wedding, we still broke the law…"

"Oh, don't worry," Dustfinger interrupted with a smirk. "I took care of that."

"What?" Allie gave him a blank stare, as did Meggie.

"I don't think any of you noticed, but during Allie's little speech, I snuck out of the car and slit their tires." Smiling, he held up a small pocketknife, switching the blade closed. "I knew this thing would come in handy one day."

"Hey, wait a minute," Meggie said. "Mo, what happened to 'we're running low on gas'?"

Mo didn't look at her. "Oh, that." He gave a small and helpless giggle. "Um…I, uh…"

"MO!" Meggie shrieked, her temper rising. "YOU SLOWED DOWN THE CAR ON PURPOSE?"

"No, Meggie, I didn't, honestly!" Mo whimpered. "I didn't _mean _to! I thought we _were _low on gas!"

Fuming, Meggie just glared at him.

"Hey, we got out of it, didn't we?" Allie suggested lightly. "So it doesn't really matter."

Muttering, "Whatever," Meggie turned to look out the window. _Now I see why Dustfinger does this so much, _she thought, trying to let her mind wander from her anger at Mo. It was about another twenty minutes before Mo shouted, "Oh dern! Elinor is going to roast my head for dinner if we don't get to her house at least in two days!" Allie gave Meggie a confused glance.

"Elinor is this crazy book-loving freak. She's my mom's aunt. So she's my great aunt. We were supposed to be at her house about two months ago but, well, we ran into some trouble." Meggie said as she had a flash back of all the crazy things that happened to them. She shuddered as she remembered two very important people to her.

"Mo! I totally forgot about Bridget and Emma! They could be dead for all I know!" Meggie screeched as she remembered her friends being kidnapped, and that was one of the reasons they went on this stupid journey.

"Who?" Mo asked as he stopped at a gas station to fill up the ALMOST empty tank.

"Bridget. Emma. My two best friends in the entire world! Remember they got kidnapped by two freakishly large and scary men!" Meggie said as Mo ordered twenty dollars on regular gas.

"Oh. Right. The two girls who were like always at our house." Mo said as he suddenly remembered who the two girls were. Meggie then went into a ten-minute explanation to Allie about what had happened that day and why they had started this queer trip.

"So that is why we are on this queer, stupid, gay, idiotic trip." Meggie said finishing up the explanation as Mo paid for the gas and left the station. Allie just nodded her head before saying, "You have one weird life." Allie than went back to looking at the magazines and looking every ten minutes at Dustfinger. _That obsessed girl,_ Meggie thought as she stared at Dustfinger.

"_One is the loneliest number that you'll ever dooooo," _Mo sang in a very horrible and off-key voice.

"Shut up," Meggie told him.

Allie all of the sudden looked up from her magazine. "I just realized something." She stared at Meggie. "We should report all the stuff that happened to you to the police! I mean, people _kidnapped _your two best friends! They broke into your house and tried to take you, too! They could've been trying to_ kill _you for all you know—"

"Allie," Dustfinger interrupted her. "Even if _we _weren't being hunted down by the police ourselves, there would still be the problem that the police never dare to mess with Capricorn."

"Who the hell is this Capricorn person?" Allie demanded. "Is he the evil mastermind that Meggie said was pursuing you?"

"Yes, he is!" Meggie growled. "He is, and he's trying to…" She trailed off. "Um, I don't exactly _know _what he's trying to do to us, or why he is choosing us to hunt down, but it may have something to do with the fact that he is a fic—" She broke off in her sentence when Dustfinger shot her a death look.

"Because he's a what?" Allie urged. "Fic…?"

"Fic…" Meggie trailed off.

"Fickle," Dustfinger said. "Yes, he is a very fickle person. He hunts people down because he is fickle. He can't seem to want to hunt down the same people." He shook his head. "Very fickle, that man."

"Fickle rhymes with pickle," Mo pointed out. When they all glared at him, he added uncomfortably, "Just thought y'all should know."

"Mo, we don't have time for one of your idiot-phases!" Meggie snapped. "Get your head in the game, mister! We're headed for Elinor's house, and by God, we're gonna get there in the next two days or my name is Chipper Peanut the Rabid Dancing Squirrel!" She pumped a fist in the air. "Who's with me?"

She, Allie, and Mo cheered, while Dustfinger looked at them all with an expression that clearly said, _I need to get out of here before they make me crazy, too…_

Meggie read his thoughts. "I think we already covered the fact that your sense of sanity, Dustfinger, cannot be damaged." She stopped, pondering. "Well, maybe it can. I don't think so, though. So far we haven't had much success with that."

"Mo," Allie said. "Road."

Jerking to attention, Mo made a sharp turn to the right. "Thanks, Allie."

"Any time."

Suddenly Meggie straightened up and looked around. "Hey, guys."

Everyone turned a head in her direction, even Dustfinger.

"I still have a hangover."

Everyone else nodded in agreement..


	11. Chapter Eleven:Things Arent As They Seem

Chapter Eleven: Things Aren't As They Seem

That night they stopped at some run down motel called: _The Motel_.

_That's a gay name. _Meggie thought as they entered the room they had rented.

"How the hell are we going to fit four people in one bed?" Dustfinger asked, eyeing the one and only bed in the room.

"Well, you and Mo can sleep on the floor and me and Meggie sleep in the bed. It's big enough to fit both of us and give us enough room to put space between us. Like so it's not weird." Allie said sitting down on the lumpy and worn out mattress.

"Ha ha. I'm not sleeping on that skuzzy floor!" Dustfinger said as he saw a spider scurry across the floor.

"Well neither am I!" Allie said looking Dustfinger straight in the eye.

"Me and Meggie can sleep on the floor! You two can share the bed!" Mo said oblivious to the glare Meggie was giving him.

"NO!" Meggie shouted. The thought of Allie and Dustfinger in the same bed gave her nightmares. She had a very, very dirty mind. "I don't want to sleep on the floor." She said trying to cover up for her out burst.

"Then Allie and Dustfinger and Meggie can sleep in the bed. I'll sleep on the floor!" Mo said happy to volunteer to sleep on the floor. He still had a bit of a hang over.

"That's fine Mo, but I'll sleep on the floor two." Dustfinger said. He didn't mind sharing a bed with Allie, but with Allie and Meggie, not gonna happen. (Hehe! Dustfinger's got a dirty mind!)   
"All right then! Lets get to sleep then! We need to leave early in the morning if we want to get to this Elinor's house tomorrow!" Allie said in a peppy/ sleepy voice. It was more sleepy than peppy though.

Meggie was just glad the whole debate about the sleeping arrangements was over, and that Allie and Dustfinger weren't going to be anywhere near each other. She nodded absentmindedly and climbed in the bed, crawling under the covers and reaching for the lamp. "Goodnight," she muttered, clicking it off.

"AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Panicking, Meggie clicked the light back on again. Mo had screamed, and was now breathing heavily. "Meggie, _don't _do that!" he yelled. "I didn't even lay down yet. I couldn't see a darned thing." He settled down on the floor right next to Dustfinger.

Dustfinger pushed him away. "Don't sleep that close!" he snapped. "What the hell are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that I am cold and I would enjoy some body warmth!" Mo yelled.

"Oh, if you want body warmth, Allie can supply you with that," Meggie said, glad that no one could see her smirk. Still, her words were cold enough without it. "I have an idea! How about, Mo comes in the bed with Allie, and I sleep on the floor with Dustfinger?"

"Well, you know, I'm not really feeling like spreading my body warmth tonight," Allie scowled. "Mo, do not get up and stay the hell away from the bed. Stay on the floor."

"Just get away from me," Dustfinger said harshly.

"Are you sure?" Mo asked flirtatiously.

"Dude, I'm not gay." Dustfinger glared at him, getting up and moving to the other side of the bed. "There. You're on that side, and I'm on this—holy shit, huge spider!" A second later, they heard a loud thump. Meggie looked over at Dustfinger, because—to her pleasure—he was sleeping on the floor next to her side of the bed.

"It's okay, I got it with the pillow," Dustfinger said, tossing the worn-out pillow across the room. "I'll use this one." He grabbed a spare one off the bed, which looked equally as torn. "Goodnight." He settled down to go to sleep. Meggie watched him.

"Um, Meggie," Allie said. "Lights."

"Oh! Right." Meggie snapped back to her senses and clicked off the lamp.

This time, luckily, Mo's frantic screams did not blow off their eardrums a mere second later. All was quiet.

Until, that is, five minutes later, when Allie discovered that the tingly thing brushing against her cheek was _not _by any means a piece of her hair.Then they were in for a bit more screaming.

"Oh my god! Get the damned spider off my face!" Allie said screaming. Meggie turned on the lamp and there on Allie's face was a HUGE spider. Meggie gasped and Mo screamed like a little girl.

"Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!" Allie said panicking now. Dustfinger was the only one brave enough to get it off of her face so he got up, walked over to her and brushed the spider off her face. It landed three inches away from Mo.

"AHH!! Kill it! Kill it! Somebody kill it!" Mo started to shriek like a little three-year old girl. Dustfinger just threw a pillow on it then Mo started to karate chop the pillow.

"A little violent Mo. Don't you think?" Meggie asked as Mo lifted the pillow to reveal a dead spider. When Meggie turned around she saw Dustfinger and Allie KISSING!! **Gasp**!

"What the hell are you two doing? I—" Meggie was cut off by Mo who said, "Keep it a PG-13 kiss! I can definitely see some more tongue then is necessary!" Mo said scolding the two. Allie blushed and Dustfinger glared at Mo. Meggie just sent Allie daggers. AKA, death glares.

"I thought we agreed—" Meggie started, before breaking off and shaking her head. "Oh, you know what, never mind! Whatever! You two can share the bed and make out all night and even _do other things _if you want to! See if I care!" Raging, she stormed out of the room and flopped down on the couch, which was very small and not recommended as a suitable sleeping place. She brightened at the thought of running away, but sulked back down to her dull stage when she realized that that wouldn't turn out to be such a bright idea.

Not surprisingly, no one came out of the room to comfort her. Well, she didn't expect them to. Allie and Dustfinger wouldn't care, and they were probably making out, and Mo was too dumb to try to comfort anyone. He was probably still shaking with fear from the spider experience. Meggie sat alone on the couch for about fifteen minutes before she heard Mo's girly scream and the sound of freaking Allie scream. _What the hell?_ Meggie thought as she got off the couch. She slowly walked into the bedroom to see Mo, Allie, and Dustfinger all standing on the bed, screaming their heads off.

"What's wrong in—" Meggie was cut off by Mo screaming and pointing to the floor. All around the bed were mice, rats, and spiders. Meggie just looked at the floor then her eyes darted to Allie and Dustfinger. She was searching for any clues of them doing _other things._ But, Allie looked the same as she did when Meggie let and so did Dustfinger. _That's a relief, _Meggie thought as she stepped closer to the bed.

"Be careful Meggie! Those snakes are dangerous!" Mo shouted as he pointed to the floor, again.

"Mo, these 'snakes' are mice, rats, and spiders. There are no snakes." Meggie said as she looked at the floor. Then she screamed just realizing that she hated mice, rats, and spiders. "Move over!" she yelled, jumping onto the bed with Mo, Allie, and Dustfinger.

"What are we gonna do?" Allie wailed, her wide eyes flickering around the room. "They're everywhere!"

Mo started to cry.

"Oh, God, Mo!" Meggie hissed. "Get a hold of yourself! You're the adult here! Well, other than Dustfinger, and then Allie…" She shrugged. "You're the oldest, goshdarnit!"

Mo just bawled, ignoring Meggie.

Meggie rolled her eyes. "Dustfinger, you're the second oldest," she said. "And you're a guy. Guys are supposed to take care of things like this. You can't expect me and Allie to fight off all of these."

"And why do you expect _me_ to?" Dustfinger shot back. "And Mo's a guy too."

Meggie snorted. "He can hardly account for one at this point." Allie nodded her agreement. "Come on, Dusteh, just get rid of them!"

"Don't call me that!" he told her. "And how the heck am I supposed to do that?"

"Just do something!" all three of them snapped, even Mo, who was still in tears.

Cursing, Dustfinger picked up a pillow and pegged it at the army of creatures. Squeals told them that he hit some rodents, while snaps of limb told them that he hit some spiders, as well.

"Yay!" Encouraged, Meggie snatched up a pillow of her own and joined the fray, actually leaping on her own pillow. Then she started screaming bloody murder when she realized that she had just entered the heart of the invaders' territory, with no weapon but the pillow underneath her. "Help! Help! Help!"

Allie stretched out an arm to Meggie, but she didn't reach. She leaned further out, and, to her dismay, she toppled over and fell straight onto the floor, amidst the critters. Swearing at the top of her lungs, Allie scrambled up the bed covers. Spiders stuck to her hair, and there was a rat clinging onto her leg. "Get them off! Get them off!" she yelled to no one in particular. Dustfinger swat at the spiders with another pillow.

"HELLO? Still stranded out here!" Meggie shrieked as spiders and rodents started to crawl all over her.

"Meggie grab my hand!" Mo shouted as he edged towards the edge of the bed. Mo reached out to Meggie and grabbed her hand. Mo tried to pull her onto the bed, but he wasn't strong enough.

"Help! I need help helping Meggie!" Mo shouted to no one in particular. Allie grabbed Mo's back and Dustfinger grabbed Allie's. With all three of the strength together, they managed to get Meggie back on the bed.

"That was sad," Meggie panted as she collapsed onto the bed. "Thanks and all, but still, it took all three of you to lift me onto the bed?"

"I think just me and Allie would've been enough," Mo said. "Dustfinger just wanted to grab Allie's waist."

Dustfinger blushed. Meggie and Allie both rolled their eyes.

"So, what are we going to do about this?" Allie asked nervously. "We can't just sit here. They'll be here all night."

Meggie took a deep breath. "We have to…" There was a dramatic pause. "Try to get out." Allie gasped.

"That's impossible! There're too many snakes!" Mo said as he pointed to the rodent and spider covered floor.

There was a long dramatic pause but then Meggie said, "I have an idea! We can put enough pillows from the bed to the door, then we hop on them and when we get to the last pillow, we will hopefully be at the door? Do you guys want to try it?"

"No! It won't work! We're all doomed!" Mo wailed as he put his head in a pillow.

"Mo! Snap out of it!" Meggie slapped Mo across the face.

"Ow!" Mo protested, rubbing his cheek. "That was not necessary, Maggie." He wagged a finger at her.

"Mo," Meggie said. "My name is Meggie. We went over this before."

He frowned. "Are you sure?"

"We don't have time for this!" Dustfinger snapped at him. "For heaven's sake, get a grip! This is the only plan we've got, so let's stick to it." He picked up the pillow Mo had just buried his face into and chucked it onto the floor. "Allie, hand me that one behind you." Allie obliged, and Dustfinger set that one down on the floor as well, after the first.

Meggie picked up another pillow and threw that one out as well. "We need that one," she said, pointing to the pillow she had been stranded on; it was almost invisible amidst the crawling creatures. "Who wants to get it? Not me!"

"I will," Allie said almost instantly. She edged over to the edge of the bed and lay on her stomach, stretching her arms out to the pillow. Meggie considered pushing her over, but decided against it. _We're all in this together, _she thought, and then gasped. _No! No quoting cheesy High School Musical songs, Meggie! Bad! _She mentally slapped herself.

In the meantime, Allie had miraculously reached the pillow and was able to get it to the bed and hand it to Dustfinger, who threw it on the floor with the others. Adding the last two pillows, they discovered that they just reached the door, with a few feet to spare. They could easily jump over that.

"Come on," Dustfinger ordered. "Allie, you go first." Allie moved in front of him and got off the bed, stepping on the pillows like steppingstones. She shrieked every time a spider or a rodent would leap out of the crowd, but there wasn't enough to completely cover the pillows. She got safely to the door, and Dustfinger followed. Mo went next, whimpering, and almost fell over twice. After he disappeared outside, it was Meggie's turn. Her heart thumping, she dismounted the bed and stepped gingerly onto the first pillow, now covered with critters. She screamed as a spider ventured up her leg and bolted for the door, no longer caring about going slow and steady. She rushed out of the room and continued her screaming until Allie brushed the spider off her leg and squashed it with a broom.

"Is everyone alright?" asked Mo, who had apparently gotten over his crazy phase again. When everyone nodded, he let out a breath of relief. "Let's get out of here; I don't know about you, but I am _not _planning on staying here for the night." He shuddered at the mere thought of the idea, and Meggie snickered.

"Well, where are we going to stay?" Allie asked worried. Meggie had to roll her eyes at that. Its just Allie's voice had such a fake tone to it.

"How about we spend the night in the van. We have three beds. Allie and Meggie can sleep in the bigger one and Dustfinger can sleep in another and I'll sleep in the last one." Mo said, sounding a bit of his old self back in his voice.

"Mo, I'll sleep in the passenger seat. I do not want to sleep next to _that_." Meggie said looking Allie up and down like she was a rodent. Allie gave her a glare, then smiled.

"Yea. I'll sleep better if I have my own bed." Allie said.

"No, Meggie, I'll sleep in the passenger seat. You can sleep in the bed." Mo insisted. Meggie nodded in agreement. All four of them stepped out of the motel room, shutting the door behind them. They all walked down the stairs and while Mo checked out early and returned the key, Meggie, Allie, and Dustfinger walked to the van. Meggie opened the door.

"Stupid Mo. He forgot to lock the door!" Meggie said irritated. Mo needed to grow up!

"Why did you open it, if you thought it was locked?" Allie returned smugly.

"Because I felt like it," Meggie growled back irritably. "I'm still pissed 'cause I have to sleep next to you, Allie. Remember that."

"And I'm still pissed because you didn't want to." Allie folded her arms across her chest and pouted girlishly.

Dustfinger looked at both of them, but before he could say anything, Mo had appeared behind them. "I'm back."

"Mo you dip shit you forgot to lock the car door!" Meggie screeched in his face.

"Oh silly me! I'll do better next time!" Mo said and giggled. Obviously he was in funny-weird mode again. Meggie groaned and rolled her eyes.

"Whatever." Meggie just stomped up the two little stairs of the van. She walked over the Mo's bed and then fell down on it, sleep not far behind.


	12. Chapter Twelve: On The Road Again

Chapter Twelve: On The Road Again

"BREAKFAST!"

The high-pitched, excited shriek jolted Meggie straight out of dreamland, and she sat bolt upright in the bed, so surprised she fumbled and fell off onto the floor.

Allie bent over her, her long hair falling over her face. She looked so much like Andy, it scared Meggie; she squeezed her eyes shut so she didn't have to see.

"Did you _have _to do that, An—I mean, Allie?"

The bright hazel eyes narrowed. "Were you about to call me _Andy?_"

"Sorry," Meggie mumbled drowsily, blinking open her eyes again. "You look a lot like her, that's all."

Allie frowned, then shrugged. "Not my fault." Before Meggie could reply, she added, "Anyway, want some breakfast?"

"Sure." Meggie mumbled, pulling her messy hair into a ponytail. Meggie sat down on the floor as Allie handed her cereal, a bowl, a spoon and the milk carton.

"Ta." Meggie said.

"What?" Allie asked confused at Meggie's reply.

" 'Ta' is like an Australian slang word for thank you. I read it in a book." Meggie said knowingly.

"That's cool." Allie said smiling at Meggie.

"Yeah I know. If it wasn't cool do you think I would be saying it?" Meggie asked Allie giving her an A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E. Allie just looked at her then went over to sit next to Mo.

"Hey, Mo," she said sitting cross-legged on the bed. Mo was sitting there eating breakfast. They were at a gas station getting gas for the car.

"Oh em gee! I hate this computer! I could kill someone!" Mo shouted, then he looked over at Allie, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Oh no. Don't you even think of killing me!" Allie shouted hopping off the bed. Just then Dustfinger came into the van. Mo grabbed the plastic knife next to him.

"Dustfinger, I think we have a flat tire." Mo said bringing the knife into view.

"Um…we don't have a flat tire. I just looked, and, Mo, put the knife down, you might hurt yourself." Dustfinger said moving as far away from Mo as possible.

"Mo, why do you hate my laptop?" Meggie asked not even paying attention to the plastic knife in his hand.

"Umm… no reason," Mo said trying to cover the screen from Meggie, but Meggie already saw.

"Mo! Why are you on Meggie asked appalled her dad was on a dating website.

"The commercial says its okay to look!" Mo exclaimed, frazzled.

"Mo, no woman in their right mind would date you. I mean, these past few weeks you've been a little…loopy." Meggie said trying to not hurt Mo's feelings, but it was kind of hard.

"Yes, I understand, Meggie," Mo sighed. "Alright people! We are on the road… again." Mo said as he sat in the drivers seat, buckled (safety first!), then put the van in drive, and pulled out of the gas station.

"So, Mo, when do you think we'll be at Elinor's?" Meggie asked, sitting in the passenger seat.

"Well, I'll say about three days, but knowing us and our luck so far, maybe a week." Mo said cheerfully. Meggie groaned. She was in desperate need of a _real_ shower.

"I need a shower," Allie whined, as if she could read Meggie's thoughts. "I mean, I don't stink or anything, but I'm pretty sure Meggie needs one…" She screwed up her nose, and Meggie scowled at her. They were definitely going from being friends to complete enemies.

"Ew, Meggie, did you fart?" Mo said loudly, waving his nose in front of him as if to deflect some horrible odor. "AGAIN?"

"Mo," Meggie snapped angrily. "That's your armpit odor. WEAR DEODORANT." She glared at him and crossed her arms.

"Make me!" Mo retorted. "Miss Flatulence."

"I did not fart!" Meggie snapped back with attitude, cocking her hip.

Then, as if on cue, Dustfinger said, "I gotta take a dump." And a moment later, he was gone, leaving the other three flabbergasted about his outburst.

"Uh… that was weird." Allie stated a minute later. Meggie nodded her head in agreement and Mo started to hum.

"Mo would you stop humming?" Meggie snapped after five minutes of Mo's humming.

"You don't like my humming?" Mo questioned, feeling hurt.

"No." Meggie said.

"Oh. Okay." Mo then went back to concentrating on the road. A few minutes later Mo started to hum again.

"Mo! Shut your face! I told you not to hum!" Meggie snapped at Mo. He was humming the tune to "Don't Cha" by the Pussy Cat Dolls.

"Oh silly Mo, that song was so last semester," Allie said, examining her nails. Mo mumbled an apology.

Just then, some extremely wrong and gross groaning sounds started coming from the bathroom. It sounded like someone was very constipated. Everyone became awkwardly quiet and stared at the bathroom door. Ten minutes later Dustfinger came out of the bathroom, holding his nose.

"I'm not going in there," Mo said, looking at the bathroom door, opened. Allie followed his gaze, and kicked the door closed, but before she could Meggie threw in five car fresheners.

"There," she said, satisfied. "That ought to give it a nice smell." She smiled.

"It must've been very bad," Mo muttered awkwardly.

"Yeah, trust me, I am never eating nacho burritos ever again," Dustfinger agreed, walking over to one of the couches and sitting down.

"SQUIRREL!" Meggie suddenly shouted, diving for the steering wheel and wrenching it out of Mo's hands. The car gave a violent jerk to the left, and a car's horn beeped. A terrified squirrel scrambled off the side of the road and darted away. "Jesus Christ, Mo!" Meggie yelled, letting her father take control of the car again. "Be careful!"

"I didn't see it!" Mo whined. He grabbed a nearby map and held it up to his face. "I think Elinor lives here," he said, jabbing a place on the map with his finger.

"Watch the road!" Meggie scolded, and Mo turned his attention back to the road, throwing the map back at Meggie just as his cell phone started to ring. Meggie darted for it, grabbing it.

"Who's 'Whining Bookworm Bitch?'" Meggie asked, reading the caller ID. Mo looked at her awkwardly from the corner of his eye, and she understood.

"Wait!" Allie yelled, running over. "It's that old Elinor lady, right?" Meggie nodded. "Let me answer it!" Allie squealed, and before Meggie could object, Allie snatched it from her hands and flipped the phone open, holding it to her ear.

"Konnichiwa!" Allie greeted.

"Excuse me?" the gruff voice of Elinor answered. "Mortimer?" Allie did not know any other Japanese words, so she paused briefly.

"Who are you?" Allie questioned in a heavy Japanese accent. "Why are you calling me? What do you want with Miko-San?"

"Miko-San?" Elinor inquired, sounding angry and confused at the same time. "Is this Megan, Mortimer's little daughter? This is not funny, young lady."

"I do not know who you speak of with this Megan person," Allie rambled. "I am Miko-San, head of Miko Electronical Industry located in Tokyo. Are you annoying American telemarketer? Ever since I move to New York they have been calling me very much."

Elinor was quiet. "I am not from America," was the first thing she said, which should have been obvious from her dialect.

"Oh, I see. You European telemarketer?" Allie asked angrily. "Do not call here again! I want none of your product!" She hastily hung up the phone before bursting into laughter.

Mo looked absolutely mortified. "Oh, God. She's going to kill me!" he fussed, switching his gaze from his phone to the road alternatively. Meggie grabbed the phone out of Allie's hand and started to go through Mo's pictures. One of the newer pictures was a fat old lady with grayish hair. The picture was titled, 'Elinor'.

"Is this Elinor?" Meggie asked shoving the phone in Mo's face. Mo nodded. "Don't worry Mo, she won't kill you, she will eat you!" Meggie said in a fake cheery voice, looking back at the picture. Mo glared at her; Allie, however, started cracking up at Meggie's words.

Meggie grinned and sat in the passenger seat, grabbing her bowl of cereal, and continued to look through Mo's phone.

Allie surreptitiously grabbed Meggie's cell phone and started to look at her text messages. "Hey, who are these Bridget and Emma girls?" she asked casually. Meggie immediately dropped Mo's phone and turned around, almost spitting out a mouthful of cereal.

"OH MY GOD! I FORGOT ABOUT BRIDGET AND EMMA!" she shouted, having realized this for about the fifth time on their journey.

"Jesus fuckin' Christ!" Dustfinger growled. "Will you shut up about those brats?" His backpack started to shake, and he unzipped it, letting Gwin run free. The marten jumped off the couch and ran straight towards Sunshine, who was curled up in a comfortable ball by Meggie's pull out bed.

"They're not brats!" Meggie retorted angrily, rushing over as Sunshine and Gwin started to fight. She dove into the battlefield, grabbing Sunshine, who twisted and sank his fangs into her hand. "Bitch!" she hissed, dropping the ferret, who spat at her before pouncing on Gwin.

"Yeah, they're more like bitches than brats," Dustfinger agreed.

"You didn't even _know _them," Meggie argued fiercely.

"I don't need to." Dustfinger reached down and snatched Gwin away, giving the marten a clout on the head as he squirmed. "Damn you!" He suddenly dropped the marten, examining his finger. "His goddamn horn cut me."

"Good!" Meggie growled, kicking out at Sunshine, who had his teeth fastened in her leg. The ferret rolled away, right into the clutches of Gwin, who head butted Sunshine with his horns. Sunshine yelped, scrambling away before lunging back at Gwin. The two became a blur of claws and flying fur.

Giving up, Meggie stormed back over to her seat and grabbed her cereal again, stuffing some of the Cheerios into her mouth. She said something incomprehensible to Mo.

"What?" He glanced at her, confused.

Meggie swallowed heavily. "I'm getting bored of this," she repeated, and then added, "Who wants to play _Twister_?"

"Twister?" Allie echoed excitedly. "Sure!" Just at that moment, Meggie's phone started to ring—the unmistakable sound of the song 'You're Beautiful' signaled it.

Slightly embarrassed, Meggie fumbled for the phone. Not bothering to look at the caller ID, she flipped it open. "Hello?"

"Where the hell have you been?" Screamed the angry voice of Emma. "Me and Bridget have been in some gay guys place for the past days and where are you? You are probably having sex with Mr. Hottie-fo-body!"

"Really. I bet you forgot about us! And the food here is worse then burnt poop!" Bridget's voice snapped.

"How do you know what brunt poop even tastes like?" Emma's voice asked in the distance.

Bridget ignored the comment. "Anyway, the food is bad, and we are so bored. All the dude, who captured us, talks about is fashion. Like three days ago he brought us a _Seventeen _magazine--"

"Yea, and its four months old, too!" Emma snapped interrupting Bridget. "So where the hell are you?"

"We've… had some…technical difficulties," Meggie said swallowing. She was glad to know her two best friends were okay.

"Technical difficulties? What are you a computer?" Emma asked, irritated.

"No," Meggie muttered. "Well, first off, Mo went a bit loopy—"

"AGAIN?" Bridget interrupted, exasperated. "That guy needs a psychiatrist."

"He already HAD one, I think," Meggie said back.

"So where IS Mr. Hotty?" Emma asked eagerly.

"Um…right here," Meggie replied awkwardly, glancing at Dustfinger, who was fumbling to catch Gwin.

"PUT HIM ON!" Bridget yelled.

"Yeah, I want to talk to him!!" Emma said excitedly.

"Um… I don't think he wasn't to talk to you though," Meggie said looking over at Dustfinger, again.

"Just put him on the goddamned phone!" Emma and Bridget said in unison. Meggie sighed.

"Talk to my friends!" Meggie demanded, shoving the phone in Dustfinger's face.

"Hello?" Dustfinger asked warily.

"Is Meggie pregnant?" Emma asked suddenly.

"What kind of question is that?" Bridget asked in the distance.

"Not that I know. Ask her." Before the girls could reply he gave the phone back to Meggie. Meggie accidentally hit the speakerphone button.

"He was a bastard." Emma said.

"Yeah totally." Bridget agreed.

"Yea, well, you to are annoying little bitches." Dustfinger snapped back at them. Meggie's eyes widened as she realized what just happened.

"Um…guys, you are on speakerphone." Meggie said, trying to hide her giggle even though Dustfinger just dissed her two best friends.

"Thanks for telling us now." Emma said sarcastically.

"Dude, he _totally _got you pregnant, didn't he?" Bridget asked, oblivious to the fact that Meggie just said they were on speaker.

"Um…no," Meggie told her, glancing at Dustfinger, who looked horrified.

"You should've told him to use a condom," Emma muttered. "That irresponsible bastard."

"Do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet?" Bridget asked excitedly.

"I hope it's a girl!" Emma squealed.

"We'd have _so _much fun with her!" Bridget agreed. All while they were saying this, Meggie was fumbling for the speaker button.

"Shut up!" she hissed, jabbing random buttons on her phone. Suddenly there was a weird noise on the other end.

"Shit!" Emma hissed. "We have to go!"

"Tootles!" Bridget added, and then they hung up.

"Awkward!" Mo said in a sing-song voice, oblivious to the fact that Meggie's friends were talking about the baby that Meggie was supposed to have, and that the father was Dustfinger, even though none of this was true.

"Wow, Mo, I'm surprised you don't care that your twelve-year-old daughter is off having sex with random thirty year old dudes," Allie said, trying to hide her grin.

"But she's not!" Dustfinger retorted, still mortified.

"Or am I?" Meggie muttered enigmatically, raising one eyebrow. Everyone—even Sunshine and Gwin—inched away slowly.

"Love!" Mo suddenly screamed, blaring up the radio so that Meggie's eardrums felt like they'd burst. "SUCH A SILLY GAME WE PLAYYY!"

Meggie shrieked in pain and threw herself at the radio, turning it down to a normal volume. "What are you trying to do? Deafen me?"

"That would be nice," Dustfinger murmured. Meggie turned and gave him the bird, and he did the same to her.

"Who wants wine?" Allie asked suddenly, standing up to go to the cabinet. Meggie stuck out her foot, and Allie tripped, landing right on top of Gwin, who screeched and scratched at her face. Allie screamed and pushed him away, clutching her face with her hands and cursing vigorously.

Meggie apologized quickly, actually meaning it; she hadn't meant to _hurt _Allie. It was all in good fun! "I didn't mean it!"

"Bitch," Allie snarled, apparently not believing her. She scrambled to her feet, wiping her hands—which were bloody—onto her white T-shirt. "Oh, that's just fuckin' WONDERFUL!"

"Sorry," Meggie squeaked, cringing. "I'll get the wine!" Immediately she bolted to the fridge, pulling out bottles of vodka. "Um…is this wine?"

"Meggie! Put my Grey Goose vodka back!" Mo shouted, looking at her through the mirror. "You can have some beer instead!"

"It's not for _me_," Meggie argued, putting the vodka back and grabbing a bottle of purple liquid. "This _must _be wine!" She set it on the counter. "Okay, how many glasses am I getting?" She turned. Allie was running to the bathroom to get something to stop the bleeding.

"Uh…I wouldn't go in there," Dustfinger advised. Allie halted and turned, racing for some paper towels. As she grabbed them, she knocked the bottle of wine over; it shattered into a million pieces on the floor. Meggie stumbled, and one of her feet landed right on top of a huge shard of glass.

After screaming in pain, Meggie resorted to swearing violently as she grabbed her bleeding foot and attempted to yank the shard out. Tears stung her eyes as she finally took it out and tossed it into the trashcan. Allie, who was pressing towels to her face, threw them out quickly and bent to pick up the glass. Meggie started to help, when suddenly the car veered violently to the side of the road and came to a complete stop, sending Meggie and Allie flying forward. Meggie smashed against the back of the driver's seat, while Allie tumbled in some of the glass.

"There's some goddamn glass in my leg!" Allie wailed, bending to pick it out. She yanked out the purple shards, turning red with blood. "Can this get _any _worse?"

Of course, everyone knows that any time someone says that things can't get any worse, it always does.


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Darla Smith

Chapter Thirteen: Darla Smith

Meggie and Allie scooped up the glass slowly, wiping their blood with paper towels. "What the hell is happening?" Meggie called to Mo, who was in the front seat.

"We got pulled over by a police officer!" Mo answered.

"Again?" Dustfinger muttered. "What are we gonna say this time?"

"Why can't you stop speeding, Mo?" Allie complained, wiping blood from her face and looking into her pocket mirror. "Hurry, Meggie; if we don't clean up the blood, the cops are going to think we're serial killers."

"Do you know that from experience?" Meggie mumbled, wiping her foot and snickering at Allie, who didn't answer. They all looked out the window; a policewoman was getting off of her motorcycle and walking calmly over to the van. She had short brown hair and was chewing her gum as though she was a cow chewing grass.

"Good evenin'," she said as she approached the van door, her Southern accent plain to see. "I'm from Wisconsin," was the next thing out of her mouth.

"That's nice," Meggie said.

"Ain't it dandy?" the officer replied, leaning to the side and spitting out something from her gum.

"Yes it is…I'm sorry, ma'am, but is that tobacco?" Mo inquired curiously. "I would think a police officer, of all people, would know not to chew tobacco…"

"I ain't chewin' no tobacco!" the cop replied. "This here is chewin' gum, good sir, it's just got a mighty load o' juice innit!" She grinned, before leaning over and shooting a purple-black wad out of her mouth and onto the ground. "There! I'm rid of it!"

"Looks like chewing tobacco to me," Mo concluded.

"Well, I guess you need to get yourself a fine new pair of seein' glasses then, don't y'all?"

"I don't think so, Ms…?"

"The name's Darla Smith." She spit on her hand and stuck it out to him. "Put her there."

"I'll pass, thanks," Mo told her awkwardly.

Meggie, Allie, and Dustfinger exchanged glances. _Who the hell _is_ this woman? _Meggie wondered. _And what idiot hired her as a police officer?_

"So, what ya'll folks are doin' down here, speeding like an angry cow was following ya?" Darla Smith asked.

"Well, we have to meet a bibliophile soon and I would kind of like to get off the road. We've been driving for awhile." Allie said before Mo could say anything stupid. Darla nodded her head.

"Okay, folks, I'm gonna need to see your license and registration." She said, grabbing a tin container out of her jacket pocket, she grabbed the remaining bit of what was left in the container and stuck it in her mouth.

"I'm pretty sure that's chewing tobacco." Mo said pointing at the container that she just threw on the ground.

"Yes, and that was littering. So what are you going to do," Darla said putting her hands on her hips.

"I'll call the cops!" Mo exclaimed, pointing his finger in the air like he just had a huge epiphany. Meggie, Allie, and Dustfinger all rolled their eyes.

"I am the cops!" Darla spat (quite literally) at the ground. "So, if you don't want to get a ticket, you better pay up fifty dollars now." She held out her hand, as if she was waiting for the money.

"Okay," Mo said, pulling out his wallet and pulling out a fifty dollar bill. He placed it in her outstretched hand.

"Thank ya'll for the generous donation. This will go to a good cause." Darla said, pocketing the money.

"What cause? Helping AIDS in Africa? Helping the sick kids at the local hospital? Or, the most important, helping all of those homeless and starved animals out on the street?" Allie asked.

"None of them. It's going to the DSD Foundation," Darla said, a huge smile on her face.

"What does that stand for?" Allie asked, curious.

"The Darla Smith Donations Foundation." Darla smiled happily.

"Well, at least it's going to a good cause." Mo said.

After a few awkward moments Meggie said, "Wait a minute—" But before she could finish Darla hopped back on her motorcycle and was off in a flash.

"What a nice cop," Mo said, rolling up his window. A few minutes later, there was another knock at the window. Mo rolled down the window.

"Excuse me, I'm Officer O'Brien." Said the tall man at the window. He was about six foot three and he had dark curly brown hair. His eyes were a mint green color. Meggie felt like she never did before. This guy could have been an Abercrombie- and- Fitch model. He was hotter then Dustfinger. Hotter then Adam Brody! Allie and Meggie looked at each other then starred back at Mr. Abercrombie- and- Fitch officer. He held up a picture of a woman with short brown hair and big sunglasses on.

"Have you seen this woman? She escaped from an institution early this morning. Her name is Deborah Lewis, but she is going by Darla Smith, and she is saying that she is a cop," The officer said. Mo studied the picture.

"Nope, we've never seen her," Mo said looking back at the officer.

"If you do see her, call 9-1-1. She is a crazy woman," And with that the Officer left.

"Mo! You idiot! That was Darla! The 'officer' who just said you needed to pay her fifty bucks! She stole from us, and you tell the real police we never saw her, nice going!" Meggie said, exasperated. She momentarily forgot about the cute officer.

"I never got his number!" Allie said, watching the police car zoom by the van.

"You'll get over it," Dustfinger mumbled. Allie shot him a glare, then looked back out the window. You could barley see his car anymore. Allie sighed.

"Do you think it's safe to go in the bathroom?" She asked looking at the door. "I need to wash my hands. I have blood and wine all over them."

"Nah, I'd give it another half hour," Dustfinger said, looking at the door, too.

"Wait, how is the bathroom supposed to air out if the door is closed?" Meggie asked, looking at the bathroom door. Mo turned back onto the road, and looked at the door.

"Yea, I wonder…" He said, scratching his chin stubble.

"Mo! EYES ON THE ROAD!" Meggie, Allie, and Dustfinger shouted, looking away from the bathroom door. Quickly Mo turned around, narrowly avoiding a nasty blow from a bulky Hummer as it zoomed past.

"That was a close one!" Meggie cried. It was quiet after that, and that's why everyone was surprised when the most peculiar sound started to fill the air, and then:

_"You're beautiful! You're beautiful! You're beautiful; it's true! I saw your face, in a crowded place. And I don't know what to do—"_

Meggie flipped open her phone. "Hello?"

"We're BAAAAAAACK!" Bridget screeched.

"And we've actually got some updated magazines!" Emma added excitedly. Meggie could almost _see _her friend grinning like a maniac and looking through the pages at hot guys.

"Guys, you'll never believe it," Meggie started, throwing herself on top of her bed with the air of an average teenaged girl talking to her friends. "I just saw someone hotter than Adam Brody!"

"Well, duh," Emma replied. "Mr. Hotty-fo-body is _way _hotter than Adam Brody!"

"Nuh uh!" Bridget argued. "No one is hotter than Adam Brody!"

"That's not true!" Emma retorted.

"Listen!" Meggie yelled at them. "I saw this really hot police officer just now!" She started to describe him to her friends, unaware that Dustfinger and Allie were looking at her oddly.

"Wow, he sounds pretty hot," Emma agreed.

"Even hotter than Adam," Bridget confessed.

"Isn't he?" Meggie said excitedly, bouncing up and down on her bed and letting out a girlish squeal. "But he's gone now," she added, suddenly upset. She pouted. "It's not fair!"

"There are other fish in the sea, Megster," Bridget comforted her, calling her by her old third-grade name.

"I think what we should be worrying about right now is getting us the hell out of here!" Emma wailed. "Even if they _do _have good magazines, they're probably going to kill us soon if you don't turn up here!"

"Where exactly _are _you?" Meggie inquired, snapping out of her daydreaming fangirl mode. "Maybe we're somewhere nearby."

There was a brief pause, and it sounded like they were fumbling with the phone. "Um, we're not exactly sure, Meggie," Bridget told her awkwardly. "I mean, why would they tell us? They wouldn't be all 'Hey, we're kidnapping you, but just so you know, we're taking you to Italy.'"

"_Are _you in Italy?" Meggie asked.

"We have a hunch," Bridget admitted.

Meggie contemplated her options. Didn't Elinor live in Italy? If so, they'd be killing two birds with one stone by going; they'd see Elinor, and rescue her friends, all at the same place. Only, it was probably much harder than she thought. How was she supposed to know where her friends were? She was basing their location off of an entire _country_! And she wasn't even sure if they were actually in that country! It was all guesswork.

"You still there, Megster?" Bridget questioned.

Meggie sighed. "I'm here, Bridge."

"Good to know," Emma said, relieved. "I think we might have to go soon, though. They ought to be checking up on us, and of course they don't know that we have a cell phone…"

"If you have a cell phone, why didn't you call me before?" Meggie demanded. "I was worried sick for you guys!"

It sounded like someone gulped on the other end. "We would've, Megster, honest, but they were stalking us like a bunch of creeps!" Bridget complained. "You should've seen them! Lurking around the shadows with their black jackets on. Only that Basta dude has a white shirt, and God knows why. White and black are _so _out of style right now."

"Only a hot guy could pull off the black-and-white combo," Emma agreed. "And let me tell you, Basta is a long way from hot."

"Let's just say he's not your typical Adam Brody," Bridget smirked.

"Or Abercrombie model policeman," Meggie laughed.

"Or Paul Bettany," Emma added, laughing. But Bridget and Meggie stopped laughing, and were awkwardly silent. "What?" Emma asked. "Paul Bettany is a sexy beast!"

"No," Bridget said. "Never again, Emma."

"HE'S HOT!" Emma whimpered.

Meggie shook her head at her friend's hopelessness. "Hey, Allie?" she called, even though Allie was staring right at her with a weird look on her face. "Do you think Paul Bettany is hot?"

"Hell yeah!" Allie responded, smiling. Meggie noticed for the first time that she had dimples.

"Ew!" Meggie scrunched up her nose. "Dustfinger, please tell me you think Paul Bettany is ugly."

"Um…I don't really judge _guys_," Dustfinger told her.

"You must have _some _sense of opinion." Meggie crossed her arms.

"Are you talking to your lover?" Bridget yelled in Meggie's ear.

"Are you asking him about opinions on your daughter's name?" Emma shouted. "TELL HIM I LIKE MADDIE, ANGELA, AND ZOE."

Meggie sighed. "You've been reading way too much of my TTYL books, Em."

"I ALSO LIKE JAYDA, CINDY, AND NICOLE!" Emma continued.

"Cindy is a horrible name," Bridget murmured.

"No. Virgameena is a horrible name!" Emma argued.

"What the hell?" Meggie asked.

"Don't ask," Emma muttered. "Well, anyway, how about Jayda and Nicole?" She paused. "Nicole is a little plain, though. She's gotta be exotic."

"I like Jayda," Bridget agreed. "Some of my personal favorites are Ivy, Katherine, Holly, and Yaya."

"Wasn't there someone on America's Next Top Model named Yaya once?" Emma recalled.

"Probably," Meggie muttered, then paused. "You don't even live in America! Why are you watching America's Next Top Model?"

"I have secret TV channels," Emma told her mysteriously.

"LIKE PORN?" Bridget shouted extremely loudly in Meggie's ear; Meggie was sure everyone else in the van could hear. She was certain when everyone—even Mo—turned to look at her.

Meggie cringed. "Keep your voice down, Bridget!" she snapped.

"Personally I like Heather, Lynda, Rae, and Cameron, too," Bridget carried on, more quietly.

"I don't like Cameron," Emma disagreed.

"Who says it's going to be a girl?" Meggie asked, before suddenly realizing something. "Wait a minute! Why are we talking about this! I AM NOT PREGNANT!" she screamed into the phone.

After a moment of silence, Bridget muttered, "Well, you seem hormonal enough to _be _pregnant, if you ask me."

Meggie snorted into the phone and held it down for a second. "Hey! Dusty! You never answered me about the Paul thing—"

"I thought we were past the whole 'Dusty' era," Dustfinger complained.

"Whatever. TELL ME HE'S UGLY."

"He's ugly!" Dustfinger said, looking a little bit afraid of her.

Meggie grinned. "Ta." She held up the phone again. "Hotty—I mean, Dustfinger—thinks that Paul Bettany is ugly, so pin a rose on your big fat ugly nose, Emma!"

After a moment of silence, Emma sniffed. "I don't have a big fat ugly nose!" she whined, making pretend like she was wounded.

"How do you know?" Meggie retorted hotly.

"BECAUSE I DO!"

"Yea okay, whatever," Meggie said.

"I'd rather have a big fat ugly nose then a big fat ugly ass!" Emma said into the phone. Meggie gasped.

"Dustfinger, you don't think my ass is big, fat, and ugly do you?" Meggie asked. Dustfinger looked bewildered.

"Of course he doesn't think your ass is fat! He's screwing you!" Emma shouted. "Oh shit! Black Jackets are coming. Later Gator!" Emma said and before Bridget or Meggie said good-bye, she hung up.

Meggie was quiet for a moment. Then she flipped open her phone again and started to take funny pictures of herself sticking out her tongue. "THIS ONE IS PURE GOLD!" she squealed, shoving an extremely blurry picture in Allie's face.

"Let me take one!" Allie grinned, grabbing the phone. She turned it around and started making extremely crazy faces into the camera. "Oh, let's take the both of us!" She swung her arm around Meggie's shoulder and started to make her best "home-girl" poses, puckering her lips and giving peace signs with her fingers. Meggie did the same. "This is so going on my Myspace," Allie told Meggie, after she had taken about five pictures of them together.

"Yeah, mine too." Meggie smiled and reached for her phone, but Allie jerked it away.

"Wait! I'm not done yet." She shone the camera at Dustfinger. "SAY CHEESE!"

"No thanks," he replied, and she took a picture of him with a very pissed-off expression.

Allie turned to Mo. She ran up in front and leaned on the dashboard, taking a picture in his face. Mo blinked, then turned back to the road. Meggie ran up and snatched her cell phone away from Allie. "You're getting a little bit carried away, now, Allie…"

Allie struggled with her for the phone. "NO! I want to take more pictures!" Meggie pushed her back fiercely, fighting for control of the cell phone. "MINE!" Allie raged, an obsessive fire in her eyes.

"Help!" Meggie shrieked, as Allie tackled her to the ground for the phone. "SHE'S GOING TO EAT ME!" She rolled away, panting, and scrambled onto the passenger seat. "No! Back, beast, back!" Then she couldn't help it; she started cracking up. Allie, who was in mid-lunge, stopped and started laughing, too, a huge silly grin on her face.

"And you say _I'm _weird?" Mo asked looking at the two girls. There was a moment of silence, then Mo and Meggie and Allie started cracking up.

"I need to get out of this place," Dustfinger said looking at the trio laughing their heads off. "Mo! Watch the goddamned road!" Dustfinger said, just as they ran through a red light.

"Oops! Silly me!" Mo said with a little girl like giggle. Dustfinger rolled his eyes.

"SWEAR TO SHAKE IT UP!" Meggie screeched along with the song on the radio.

Then it ended. "It's not so pleasant and it's not so conventional, it sure as hell ain't normal, but we deal, we deal." Pause. "CAN'T TAKE THE KID FROM THE FIGHT, TAKE THE FIGHT FROM THE KID!" Another pause. "Your regular decorated emergency." Another one. "This is the scent of dead skin on the linoleum floor, this is the scent of quarantine wing in the hospital!" She threw her hands up in the air. "SIT BACK, SIT BACK, SIT BACK RELAX!" The song ended. "TESTESTERONE BOYS AND HARLEQUIN GIRLS! WILL YOU DANCE TO THIS BEAT AND HOLD A LOVER CLOSE?"

"What the hell is up with the Panic! At The Disco marathon?" Allie asked. "They annoy me!"

There was a long silence, in which Meggie just stared at Allie. Then her eyelid started to twitch, and Allie became a bit frightened. "What did you just say?" Meggie asked her in an oversweet voice, a big fake grin on her face. "Excuse me, I'm going to ask you to repeat what you just said."

Allie's eyes widened, but just then 'But It's Better If You Do' came on, and Meggie forgot her anger; she jumped up, squealing, and started to dance wildly around. "OH! ISN'T THIS EXACTLY WHERE YOU LIKE ME? I'M EXACTLY WHERE YOU LIKE ME NOW!" Pause. "Well I'm afraid, that I…well, that's right, well I may have faked it. I wouldn't be caught DEEEEAAAAD in this place!" She gave Allie a goofy grin, and Allie sighed in relief.

"Oh." Meggie paused dramatically, tipping her head down and giving the illusion that she had a hat on. "Well imagine, as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor, and I can't help but to hear, no I can't help but hear an exchanging of words."

"What a beautiful wedding," Allie squeaked. "What a beautiful wedding said the bridesmaid to the waiter—"

"Well yes but what a shame," Meggie ended. "What a shame the groom's bride is a WHORE!" She started cackling manically. Allie inched away from her.

"WHOO! Don't you just LOVE Panic?" Meggie grinned, dancing to the song. This time Allie knew better, and nodded sheepishly. 'I Write Sins Not Tragedies' ended, and then 'Build God, Then We'll Talk' started to blare. "Wow! They've got like the whole CD in a row here!" Meggie laughed crazily. "THE ROOMS HAVE A HINT OF ASBESTOS AND MAYBE JUST A DASH OF FORMALDEHYDE! AND A HABIT OF DECOMPOSING RIGHT BEFORE YOUR VERY LALALA EYES!" She continued to sing, word-for-word, until the entire song ended.

"No! The marathon's over!" Meggie sighed, as 'Misery Business' came on. Then she paused. "Wait a minute! I like this song! I'M IN THE BUSINESS OF MISERY; LET'S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP. SHE'S GOT A BODY LIKE AN HOURGLASS, IT'S TICKIN' LIKE A CLOCK. IT'S A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE WE ALL RUN OUT, WHEN I THOUGHT HE WAS MINE, SHE CAUGHT HIM BY THE MOUTH!"

"I WAITED EIGHT LONG MONTHS, SHE FINALLY SET HIM FREE. I TOLD HIM I COULDN'T LIE, HE WAS THE ONLY ONE FOR ME!" Mo sang along with the words.

"TWO WEEKS AND WE HAD CAUGHT ON FIRE. SHE'S GOT IT OUT FOR ME, BUT I WEAR THE BIGGEST SMILE!" Allie, Mo, and Meggie sang at the top of their lungs. They all cracked up, as Mo pulled into a restaurant parking lot.

"Who wants some grub?" Mo asked, turning the ignition off. Meggie and Allie's hands shot up in the air.

"I am so freaking hungry!" Meggie said, looking out of the window at the restaurant. It was a pink and blue building that said 'I'm thinking Ardy's' on the doors and windows. Meggie, Mo, and Allie walked into the restaurant, arms linked, while Dustfinger trudged behind them. As the sat down at one of the empty tables in the back Allie gasped.

"Look!" She pointed to a man in jeans and a blue and white polo shirt. "It's the hott officer from earlier this morning. Should I go talk to him?" Allie asked looking at Meggie for advice. Instead of answering, Meggie pulled out her digital camera. She had a mischievous glint in her eye.

"Screw talking to him. Lets get pictures, they last longer!" Meggie, trying to be sneaky about taking pictures of him, positioned the camera in his direction. She took one picture, and the flash went off. Mr. Abercrombie looked up in a daze; he looked over in Meggie and Allie's direction, but Meggie made it look like she took a picture of the wall behind him.

"That is such a great wall. Look at how it's all rough looking and it's pink!" Meggie said overly loud, so Mr. Abercrombie could hear. Allie nodded her head in fake agreement. When Mr. Abercrombie looked down at his food Meggie snapped two more pictures (this time the flash off).

"Give me your cell phone," Allie said quietly to Meggie. Meggie pulled it out of her pocket and handed it to Allie and Allie got up from the table and headed into the direction of Mr. Abercrombie. She flipped open the phone and hit the camera button. She walked up right in front of him, and he looked up.

"Don't mind me." She said playing with a strand of her hair, flirtatiously. "I'm just trying to get service for my phone," He nodded his head, understandingly, and flashed her a toothpaste commercial ad smile. She pretended to look for service, but really she was taking pictures of him. She moved the camera in front of his face and snapped a picture. She shook her head, as if there was still no service. She moved the camera to a different angle and took three more pictures.

After taking four more discreet pictures, she sighed. "I guess there is just no service in here," She walked back to the table and handed the phone back to Meggie. Meggie smiled at how easy that seemed to be and then made a mental note to do that trick if she ever saw a hott boy and wanted a picture of him. Just then, Darla Smith walked into the restaurant.

"Howdy, folks!" She said in her unique dialect. Mr. Abercrombie model-slash-officer stood up and pulled out a piece of paper. Meggie looked intently at the paper and realized it was the paper that said Darla Smith was really some psycho. "How ya'll doin' tonight?" She asked sitting down at some random table (that people were already sitting at), and took a handful of French fries off of one of the plates. Abercrombie Officer walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around, not knowing that this ordinary hott dude was really a hott officer.

"Can I help ya'll?" She asked him looking him up and down, pervert style.

"I'm Officer O'Brien. And you are under arrest for A, escaping a psyche ward, and B, impersonating a police officer, and C taking money from innocent drivers. I'm taking you down town." With that Officer O'Brien handcuffed Darla's hands and pulled her up from the table by her arm.

"Aw shucks. I got caught." She said in a slightly disappointed tone. Meggie and Allie started to clap and Allie shouted, "YAY! You caught the psycho person!" Officer O'Brien smiled at Meggie then winked at Allie. Allie who noticed Meggie only got a smile stuck her tongue out at her, three- year-old style.

Meggie flipped Allie off, and she gasped. Meggie shrugged, then watched as Officer Hottie started to drag Darla out. Suddenly he stopped and yanked at her hair. Just as Meggie was starting to wonder what he was doing, Darla's face—well, it was actually a _mask_—came off, to reveal the face of someone who looked noticeably familiar.

"Hey! It's the Friendly's waiter!" Meggie gasped, jumping to her feet. "I remember you!" She pointed her finger in his face.

"So he's not really Darla Smith?" Mo asked, confused.

"So where's the _real _Darla Smith?" Allie questioned.

Just then, Darla Smith staggered through the door. "Howdy!" she greeted, stumbling like a drunk. "My, it looks like we got some commotion goin' on in here!" She flashed them a yellow-toothed grin. "I'm from Wisconsin," she told everyone there.

Officer Hottie looked back and forth between the imposter Darla and the real Darla. One of the other police officers sitting with him—who was, sadly, not hot—stood up and grabbed Darla, who struggled helplessly.

"Why was he impersonating Darla?" Mo inquired, pointing to the Friendly's waiter.

"I really have no idea," Officer Hottie admitted.

"But I would've gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you meddling kids and your dog!" The waiter pointed to a random terrier that was sitting with its family. The terrier growled and barked at him, and he shrank back.

"Um…._yeah_." Meggie muttered awkwardly. "Total _Scooby Doo _moment!"

"Why were you even impersonating Darla Smith?" Officer Hottie asked looking at the unfriendly _Friendly's _waiter.

"Because she took the one and only man I loved!" He said, tearing up.

"Who? Tim? That old gay bird?" Darla asked incredulously. "He left me last month. He said he was going back to _you_." The unfriendly waiter blinked, as did everyone else in the restaurant.

"Awkward!" Mo, Allie, and Meggie said in a singsong voice in unison.

Dustfinger announced, "I'm going back to the van." He stood up from the table and left the restaurant. Mo, Meggie, and Allie, followed him, but on the way out, Officer Hottie stopped Allie and gave her his number. Meggie rolled her eyes and went into the van, were Dustfinger was already looking out the window.

"That was, like, really weird," Meggie said as Mo and Allie entered the van. Mo nodded his head in agreement and Allie hurriedly grabbed her cell phone out of the glove compartment and put Mr. Abercrombie's number in her phone. Meggie sighed. This has been the weirdest month of her life.


	14. Announcement!

**So, I realize that I haven't updated in--well, in about a year, which is pretty long. And I decided that, even though very few people read this story, I would post a little something mentioning why I haven't been updating. There are a few reasons, actually. Humor me as I list them.**

**1) I've pretty much entirely grown out of Inkheart. I used to be utterly obsessed with the trilogy, but that time has passed now and I can't even bring myself to read past the first thirty pages of Inkdeath. I'm willing to continue writing this story anyway, though I'd appreciate some positive feedback in return--meaning, more reviews. If you could be so kind. I guarantee that if you don't really like the story so far, it's going to become much more enjoyable to read from here on out, given how much I have matured since it began.**

**2) I'm writing this story with the help of my real-life friend, known on this website as flickaXxOoXx. She and I are still friends, but we scarcely get together to hang out anymore, and I find it almost impossible to write the story on my own. It literally **_**is **_**written by the both of us--usually we take turns writing a few lines, or sometimes we just butt in randomly to add things that we want. The last few times we've seen each other, we never bothered to work on this story. Hopefully in the future, we'll muster up enough creativity to finish it. It used to be about the entire story of Inkheart, and now we have decidedly shortened it to just until they arrive at Elinor's. Bearing this in mind, the next chapter may be our last.**

**3) You see, dear readers, I suffer from an illness known as MWBD, which stands for Massive Writer's Block Disorder. This has tended to become progressively worse as I've aged, so that even when my friend and I proceed to write Chapter Fourteen--we **_**have **_**begun to write it, but are nowhere near finished, and thus it is not yet named--I will undoubtedly know next to nothing about what I should write. It seems that in my stages of illiteracy, I was much, much more creative. Now that I have matured drastically, I no longer have the desire to write. Correction: I have the **_**desire **_**to, but whenever I start, it all just falls apart. With help from my friend (and reviewers!), I'm sure I can muster up Chapter Fourteen, but be warned if it is terribly uncreative in comparison to some of the other chapters.**

**And that just about sums up all of my pathetic excuses. I'm not exactly sure why I bothered listing them; I'm basically preaching to the choir. No one reads this story. I guess, if you want me to be honest, I'm bored and need something to write at the moment, and this is the only thing I can think of. I'm also extremely annoyed at myself for not posting a single Author's Note during this entire story. I'm not sure why I never did. Either way, hopefully we can write Chapter Fourteen soon, thus tying together all of the painfully-loose strings of this half-assed plot, and finally ending this fanfiction! Maybe when I'm done I can finally relieve myself of my MWBD and write some fanfics for fandom I'm actually into.**

**Ciao for now (1),  
Myst**

**(1) - Hn, I'm a poet and I don't even know it. Or, wait. I guess I do.**


	15. Chapter Fourteen: Road Rage

Chapter Fourteen: Road Rage

"Hey, Allie, pass me the fix," Meggie said. Allie handed her the paper towel with the powder on it. "I need something to snort it with, bitch!" Sighing, Allie handed her a small papery tube. Meggie grabbed it and held it to the powder, snorting it.

"What the fuck are you two doing?" Dustfinger asked suddenly, surprised. He had been too preoccupied with making sure Mo was driving correctly to pay attention to them up until then.

Allie grinned wildly. "We're snorting Pixy Stix!" Happily she grabbed herself another Pixy stick, snatching the paper towel from Meggie and emptying the Pixy stick's contents on it, where she then used the empty stick to snort the sugar. "Come join us!"

"I will!" Mo exclaimed, as he pulled up to a red light. He jumped from the front seat and into the back of the van. He happily sat down and grabbed the paper tube from Allie's hand, snorting the sugar.

"Um…okay…I'm gonna go to the bathroom," Dustfinger announced, walking over to the bathroom, which, amazingly enough, still smelled.

"Don't fall in the toilet!" Meggie called to him over her shoulder, earning a glare from him before turning back to snort some more Pixy Stix.

Allie paused for a moment. "Isn't this illegal?" she asked, dumbfounded, looking down at the powder she was snorting.

Meggie looked at her like she was an idiot. "No," she said slowly. "Snorting _cocaine _is illegal. I do not recall snorting _Pixy Stix _to ever be against the law. Duh." She rolled her eyes at Allie. "So naïve."

"Yea, so naïve," Mo said. Then moments later, "What does _naïve _mean?" Meggie rolled her eyes and Allie laughed at his stupidity.

"We'll tell you when you're older Mo," Meggie said.

"OH! It's _that_ kind of word. I got ya." Mo winked at Meggie and Allie in an "I feel ya" kind of way.

Meggie rolled her eyes at Mo. "Yeah, Mo, sure, whatever." She picked up her stick again and continued snorting. "I wonder if Dustfinger's going to stink up the bathroom again…it still hasn't recovered from last time…" She cast a despairing glance toward the closed bathroom door.

Allie scrunched up her nose. "I hope not. I told him to take his Miralax, so hopefully he isn't constipated this time." As she finished, there was an awkward silence as Meggie stared at her and Mo was just too preoccupied with snorting the Pixy stick to pay attention.

Finally Meggie spoke. "Ew."

Then Mo seemed to realize what they were saying. "Oh my God! You let Dusteh use my Miralax? _My _Miralax?" He gaped at Allie as though she had just confessed to a particularly gruesome murder. "How _could _you?"

Meggie and Allie just looked at each other for a long moment before cracking up. "Sorry Mo. I didn't know it was _your _Miralax." Allie said in a fake apologetic tone. Mo didn't catch on to the fakeness, so he just smiled.

"Don't let it happen again," Mo said smugly. Just then, there was a long _HONK_ from behind the van. Mo, Meggie, and Allie all jumped at the unexpected noise.

"What was that?!?" Mo asked surprised. Meggie put her hand to her heart.

"That scared the shit out of me!" Allie said, flabbergasted.

Suddenly, there was a loud sound coming from outside and then, a huge _BOOM_ , followed by the van shaking.

"AHHHH!!!!" Mo shouted, then he started to pace around the small space. "The world is dying!"

"OH MY GOD!" Allie shouted, her head out the window. "They threw a friggin MICROWAVE at the van!" Just at that moment, Dustfinger came out of the bathroom (thankfully it didn't smell), and gaped at the three idiots he was traveling with.

"MO, you retard. _DRIVE_!!! The light is _GREEN_! That means _GO_!" He shouted, emphasizing the last word in each sentence.

Mo, realizing that he must have caused some sort of road rage, leapt to the driver's seat as the cars behind them started honking furiously.

"_Hey, bastard! Start driving, douchebag!" _The angry yell from one of the drivers was followed by another loud thud to the van. Allie leaned her head out the window. "Why the hell does this guy have a cinderblock in his car?" she wondered aloud. The beeping, honking, and swearing continued until Mo composed himself enough to push the gas pedal. Of course, ironically enough, before this happened, the light had turned red again, and Mo zoomed right through it, leaving the outraged drivers behind him to wait some more. As their curses died away, a new sound came to Meggie's ears.

"Does that sound like…a police siren?" she murmured to Allie, who tipped her head to one side to hear. As the sound become louder, Allie nodded, and Dustfinger slapped a hand to his forehead.

"Great. Just perfect. This is, what, our _third _encounter with cops?" he groaned, looking out the window. There was, indeed, a small police car tailing them down the road. "Goddamnit, Mo, did you _have _to run that red light?"

"Yes!" Mo retorted. "There was some serious road rage going on behind us! We would've died if we'd stayed there!" He let out a whimper as he finished. "AND I'M NOT LETTING THOSE COPPERS TAKE ME DOWN!!" As he said this, he jammed his foot down on the gas pedal, putting the car at full throttle. He zoomed past the cars in front of him, very narrowly avoiding them. Each time he came close to one, Meggie and Allie let out high-pitched squeals of fright and clung to each other.

"We're going to die!" Allie sobbed, burying her face in Meggie's shoulder. Mo was, indeed, going _way _too fast for even highway traffic, and they weren't even on the highway; they were on a regular street.

"This might be acceptable if we were on the Autobahn, Mo," Meggie started, "but I don't think it is now! Yeah, get away from the cops if you have to, but for God's sake, do you _have _to go this fast?" As she finished, Mo made a sharp turn and Meggie was thrown against the side of the van, yelping as her shoulder came in contact with the wall.

"IT'S A WILD GOOSE CHASE NOW!" Mo laughed manically. "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, COPPERS!" He jerked the car out of the way just in time to avoid a telephone pole, and Allie screamed. She broke into hysterics, sobbing about how they were either going to die or be taken to jail, while Meggie stomped over to her and promptly slapped her in the face.

"Get a hold of yourself, woman!" Meggie snapped. "Are those snorted Pixy Stix getting to you?" Allie replied with a snuffle, and Meggie scowled and slapped her again. "Don't cry over spilled milk. We're not going to—" She was cut off as she looked up, out the windshield, and realized Mo was heading straight toward the edge of a cliff. "WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" she screamed, throwing herself to the ground and clutching onto Allie. "LORD HAVE MERCY, I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!"

"There's so many things I haven't done," Allie wailed. "I haven't even watched The Bourne Ultimatum yet!" Meggie suddenly stopped crying and turned to look at her.

"_What?_"she raged. "How did you not see it? It's the end of the trilogy! There's so much you don't know yet!" She was completely oblivious to Mo's manic laughter and Dustfinger lunging for the steering wheel, steering the car away from the cliff in the nick of time. In the process, several police cars, which were in pursuit of them, raced off the edge of cliff, not noticing it was there until it was too late.

Meggie crawled over to the side of the van and peeked out the window. "There aren't any cars chasing us anymore!" she exclaimed, letting out a breath that she didn't realize she was holding.

"Thank God," Allie muttered, standing up and brushing herself off. "Now, are we at Elinor's house yet?"

"Actually, now that you mention it…we are very close!" Mo stated matter-of-factly, smiling to himself and tapping a map in front of him with his forefinger.

"That's all very well," Meggie said impatiently. "But what are we going to do about Bridget and Emma? Getting to Elinor's doesn't help us at finding them at all!"

Mo sighed. He was in one of his rare more-serious moods. "_Them_, again, Meggie? We'll find them eventually; don't worry. They can wait."

"THEY'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED!" Meggie shrieked at him. "Capricorn could've eaten them by now!"

Allie frowned, confused. "Capricorn? Who is this guy?"

Meggie started to say something, but Dustfinger slapped his hand over her mouth. "All in due time," he promised Allie, shooting Meggie a venomous glare. Allie glowered at him, but shrugged it off. Dustfinger slowly moved his hand from Meggie's mouth.

"Capricorn is a fictional villain from the same book Dustfinger is from! Mo read them out of their books when I was just a little tike," Meggie said as quickly as possible. Dustfinger looked at her, defining the cliché 'if looks could kill'.

Allie looked back from Meggie, to Dustfinger, back to Meggie then to Mo who was driving the car, laughing manically. "Oh. Cool." Was all Allie said, before walking up to the passenger seat and sitting Indian style on it.

"Why did you tell her?" Dustfinger snapped at Meggie.

"Because I thought she had the right to know," Meggie said defensively.

"Well maybe _I _didn't want her to know."

"Well Dusteh, build a bridge and get over it. Because she knows and I told her. So there!" Meggie, acting like a five year old, stuck out her tongue, her hands on her hips. She walked away and sat on her bed, rereading the magazine about Adam Brody.

"I've been working on the rail road!" Mo suddenly shouted as they stopped in front of train tracks. A few moments passed before Meggie and Allie both looked at each other and said in unison, "AWKWARD!"

Meggie pulled out a pack of cards, "Who wants to play go-fish?"

"I DO!" Mo exclaimed, jumping out of the driver's seat and bouncing on his feet, like an excited four year old.

"MO! Drive the friggen car, you idiot!" Dustfinger shouted, rolling his eyes.

Mo pouted, but did not go back to the driver's seat. Allie lunged into the driver's seat and grabbed the wheel, lurching the van back onto the road.

"Goddamnit, Mo!" she snapped. "When will you learn?!"

"I just can't believe we never thought to let Allie drive," Meggie murmured.

"I just can't believe this is what my life has come to," Dustfinger retorted, sitting down and placing his head in his hands.

"I just can't believe it's not butter!" Mo chimed, grinning wickedly.

There was a long pause. Then Meggie got up from her seat, strode over to Mo, and struck him in the head with the pack of cards. Mo jerked and fell over, landing with a _thud _on the floor, unconscious.

"Is he dead?" Allie asked looking in the rearview mirror.

"No," Dustfinger said. He added under his breath, "We're not that lucky."

"Don't be hating on my Pop, Big D," Meggie said in a 'gangster' voice.

"I thought we were past all of these nicknames. It's Dustfinger, period," Big D said, a glare on his face.

"Okay, Dustfinger Period!" Allie chimed in from the driver's seat. Dustfinger groaned, then headed for the bathroom doors.

"DON'T STINK THE PLACE UP AGAIN!" Meggie and Allie shouted, in unison. They both started to snicker, remembering.

Dustfinger paused. "But I really have to take a shit," he informed them. "So it'll definitely smell. You're just going to have to--"

"If you finish that sentence with 'grin and bear it,' or any other form of the expression, I will choke you," Meggie snarled. "We are _not _suffering through that stink again. I'm still afraid to use the bathroom from last time, and you don't even want to _know _where I've been doing my business instead."

When Meggie fell silent, Dustfinger and Allie stared at Meggie for a long, long moment. She stared back, face gradually turning several shades of red. It was eerily quiet, until a blaring horn jerked Allie back to her senses, and she turned around in her seat. Dustfinger slowly turned and sat back down, uncomfortably.

Meggie sank to the floor, sitting Indian style, and picked up the pack of cards. "So, who wants to play strip poker?"

"No offense, Meggie, but I don't want to see you naked," Allie said, looking over her shoulder at Meggie and grimacing.

"Well, excuse me!" Meggie was obviously offended. "Not all of us are size zero and have big boobs that men stare at! I'm still going through puberty!" Meggie's face was red from shouting, and she was standing up, fists clenched. There was an awkward silence as Meggie stared at Dustfinger who was staring at Allie(her chest) and Allie was driving the car, eyes on the road.

"She's right," Dustfinger was the first to speak. "You have an awesome rack." He was still looking at Allie. Both Allie and Meggie gave him the evil eye. "What? It's a compliment."

"Don't you have a wife or something?" Meggie growled spitefully. She really didn't care if Dustfinger had a wife, but how dare he look at Allie's awesome rack instead of her own... nonexistent one.

"You have a wife? You're _married?" _Allie shrieked at Dustfinger, voice raising several octaves by the last two syllables. "Jesus Christ, how repressed are you? Not to mention old, only old people are married."

"It's true. When you grow up, your heart dies. When you get married, your heart is lit on fire and then thrown into a meat grinder," Meggie said wistfully, in an attempt to seem poetic.

Dustfinger was still staring at Allie's rack, and didn't appear to have heard any of that, but suddenly his head jerked up. "Fire? What about fire?"

Allie ignored him in favor of glaring at Meggie. "Stealing quotes from _The Breakfast Club_ is so not cool, Meggie."

"I didn't steal it. I modified it."

"You stole it."

"I modified it."

"Stole it."

"Modified it."

"STOLE!"

"MODIFIED!"

"_Cookie!" _

They looked about, flabbergasted, to find Mo sitting up and grinning goofily.

"Dear God! Would somebody knock the nut job unconscience again?" Dustfinger asked, pinchching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

"What nut job?" Mo looked around, rubbing the back of his head where a bump was.

"There's no nut job!" Meggie cutting Dustfinger off so he couldn't say anything hurtful to Mo. Mo nodded his head and then layed back down on the floor, yawning.

"I'm tired. I'm gonna go to sleep. 'Night Dustfinger, 'night Meggie, 'night Allie-" he yawned once more. "'Night Dustfinger."

"Mo, you said Dustfinger twice." Allie sounded confused as she informd Mo of his mistake.

Mo raised an eyebrow suggestively, "I know. I like Dustfinger."

Dustfinger frowned. "Mo, this isn't a slash fic."

"A what?"

"Nothing."

Allie looked between the two of them, awkwardly. Meggie stood up and threw her stack of cards frustratedly; they scattered everywhere. "I'm tired of these fucking cards!" she whined. "Mo! Fifty-two pick up!"

"Oooh, goodie! I love that game!" Mo said cheerfully, diving and beginning to pick up all of the cards. Meggie smiled, satisfied.

"We should buy some board games," Allie remarked, conversationally. "We could go to like, a KB toys or something."

"Didn't that close down?" Meggie asked.

"Eh, maybe. How about Toys-R--"

"DON'T SAY IT!" Meggie launched herself across the van, slapping a hand onto Allie's mouth. Allie protested and tried to mumble through her hand, but Meggie leaned closer and whispered, "Shh! Don't say Toys-R-'you know what' around Mo. He gets a bit... crazy."

Allie blinked, then pulled Meggie's hand off her mouth, laughing. "Crazier than usual? Come on, that's not possible. Let's go to Toys-R-Us!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Meggie was on her knees and screaming dramatically up at the ceiling of the car, before glancing over at Mo who was looking over at Allie.

"Did you say 'Toys-R-Us'?" He whispered, acting fairly normal. Allie nodded her head, a bit befuddled by Meggie and Mo's reaction. Mo slowly stood up, and a gaint grin came across his face.

"I LOVE TOYS-R-US! IT'S MY FAVORIE STORE IN THE WORLD! IT'S SO AWESOME! WE HAVE TO CHECK OUT THE POLLY POCKETS AND POKEMON! OHHHH!! I'M SO EXCITED! CAN WE GO????? PLEASE!!!!!!!!!" Mo was bouncing around the van, talking a mile a minute and acting like a four year old. He threw himself down in the passenger seat and gave Allie big puppy dog eyes.

"Please can we go? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" He dragged out 'please' making it go on for five whole minutes.

"Sure, we can go," Allie said, eyes wide and a little wary.

"YESSSSSSSSSS!!!" Mo punched both fists in the air and then he stood up, dancing around. He did the running man, the sprinkler, the shopping cart, the lawn mower, and that weird thing you do with your knee and hop around in a circle. That would be the Charlie Brown.

"You just had to say it, didn't you?" Meggie hissed, venom dripping from her voice as she glared at Allie. Allie mouthed 'sorry,' too afraid to speak.

* * *

**A/N: So I kept saying that this story was hopeless and that we'd never get around to writing it again. Well we did! :D Hopefully Chapter Fifteen will be up soon too. And thanks to our reviewers for their suggestions and feedback. (:**


	16. Chapter Fifteen: Deadly Sins

**A/N: Well, this is an incredible feat for us. It's only been two weeks since we last updated! Huzzah! 8D Yep, we managed to get together and spew this entire chapter in four hours of relentless writing. So, there is probably proofreading to be done and more mistakes than usual. Seeing as it's past midnight I'm too tired to go over them right now. **

**Oh, warnings. Uhm, some possibly-offensive stereotyping, and abuse of hobos? Oh, speaking of, there's violence. Crack, too, but you knew that. Aaaand a bit of yaoi. It's not much--especially not for my usual standards ;D--but be forewarned. **

**Disclaimer: Have I ever actually written a disclaimer before? Anyway, we don't own any of these characters. Except Allie, Darla Smith, Tim, Keith, and the homeless guy. But we'll get to those last few later.**

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Chapter Fifteen: Deadly Sins 

"OH MY GOD! DO YOU SEE THE NEW POLLY POCKET POOL HOUSE?" Mo shouted across Toys-R-Us. Meggie, Allie, and Dustfinger were in the video game section of the store, looking at the new Kingdom Hearts game.

"That's great, Mo!" Meggie yelled back, not really meaning it. Dustfinger chuckled under his breath.

"What are you chuckling about?" Meggie snapped, whirling on him. Since they entered the store one hour ago he had kept chuckling.

"Mo, he's such a gaybird!" Dustfinger sneered.

"Gaybird?" Allie asked, looking up from the back of a video game. "Who the hell says 'gaybirds'?"

"Fictional characters brought to live by my crazy father's voice," Meggie said, deadpan. After a pause Allie and Meggie burst out laughing while Dustfinger muttered under his breath.

"Darla Smith said it..." was all that was audible. "In chapter thirteen--I mean, not too long ago."

Meggie sighed and patted his shoulder. "Don't make excuses, Big D." The last part she said with a high-pitched British accent.

Dustfinger's face fell. "Oh no. Not your British accent again."

Allie quirked one eyebrow. "Again?"

Realization dawned on Meggie, and she grinned. "Oh yeah! After the bar party when I had a British accent for like two minutes. Good times, good times."

There was a resounding crash from a few aisles away, and Mo came sprinting into view, panting and brandishing a three-foot-tall Polly Pocket mansion. "Can I buy it? Can I buy it pleeeeease?" he whined, jumping around Meggie.

With a snort, Dustfinger snapped, "Mo, shut up, you're acting like an autistic five-year-old."

Following this sentence was a moment of silence, and Mo's lip quivered. Then Allie grabbed the nearest object--which unfortunately turned out to be Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days, so it didn't do any real damage--and slammed it into the side of Dustfinger's head. "Ow!" he yelped. "What the _hell _was that for?"

"Autism isn't a joke," she growled, putting the game case back on the shelf. "My brother is autistic!"

Dustfinger stared, torn between apologizing and asking when the hell Allie started having a brother. Meggie perked up. "You mean the one we provided with an unnecessary backstory in chapter ten?"

Allie nodded. "Yeah, him. I don't remember his name."

"His name is Luke!" Mo snapped, indignation dripping off his tongue.

"Right!" Allie snapped her fingers. "Luke! I'll have to remember that!"

"How the hell did _you_ know that?" Dustfinger asked.

"I am all knowing," Mo said mysteriously before backing away and running to the Bratz section of the store.

"Bratz are sluts," Meggie commented, a few moments later.

"What?" Allie and Dustfinger asked.

"Well, they are!" Meggie defended herslef. "They have big lips, long hair, and short ass clothes!"

"The girl's got a point!" Allie shrugged her shoulders, before turning back to the video games. Meggie wandered off to play the demo version of Rock Band and Dustfnger sat down on the floor, playing with matches.

Not even ten minutes later, Mo came rushing back, a cart filled with a different array of toys.

"CAN I GET ALL OF THESE???" he inquired, rocking on the balls of his feet.

"Sure, Mo," Allie agreed, not even looking up from the video game case she was studying. Meggie, looking up, widened her eyes as she saw everything Mo wanted.

"What the hell?" Meggie whispered-shouted at Allie. Allie looked up startled then took a notice to the giant pile of toys Mo wanted. "How do you expect us to pay for all of that shit? In total we have ten dollars!"

Mo looked at her, contempt in his eyes. Her singular warning was a slight tremble that shook his shoulders, and then suddenly her forty-plus-year-old father burst into hysterical sobs, running at her and pounding on her chest weakly with his fists. Startled, Meggie fell backward, knocking into Allie and sending her flying into one of the video game racks, which wobbled and crashed onto the floor.

"Shit!" Allie wailed, not before snatching a few of the compact DS games and stuffing them into the pockets of her sweatshirt. "Clean up on aisle--FUCK!" With a shriek, she scrambled to her feet. In a soft, shaky voice, she added, "I broke a nail."

"It's your own fault, fatty," Meggie jeered, pushing Mo back as he clutched at her shirt, trying to bawl on her shoulder. "If you were twenty pounds lighter you wouldn't have knocked that over!"

Dustfinger glanced up from his spot on the floor and surveyed Allie, who stared at him hopefully. "Bitch is right," he concluded, with a shrug. "Just make sure you don't take away from the boobs."

Allie gaped at him. She tensed, ready to stomp over and slap him, but was interrupted by a voice at the end of the aisle. "Somebody call for clean up on aisle fuck?" A dorky, red haired, fair skinned, freckly, pimply, glasses wearing, sixteen year old boy stood next to Allie.

"Uh...yeah. That was me!" She stuttered, nervous that he would know about the DS games in her pockets. "I fell into the rack."

"That's okay. Happens all the time," Dorky Boy said, looking at the mess he would have to clean up.

Meggie, who was looking at Allie's bulging pockets filled with stolen DS games, suddenly had an idea. Mo was still pounding on her chest, bawling his eyes out when she bent down to whisper in his ear, "Mo, it's okay. We can get all the toys that you want."

Mo's sullen face suddenly brightened and a cheshire cat grin spread across his face.

"Allie!" Meggie waved Allie over to her, trying not to catch the attention of Dorky Boy. "We are going to steal everything in that cart for Mo," she whispered. Allie's first reaction was surprise and amazement that they would have to stoop so low, but then an evil and mischievous gleam came into her eyes.

"How do you want us to do it?"

Meggie beamed. "Watch and learn." She turned to Dorky Boy and nudged him in the side. "Hey there sexy beast!" She wiggled her hips suggestively at him.

Dorky Boy looked up, startled, and began to sweat. "W-who? Me?"

"I don't see any other hot stud in here," she cooed, with a flirtatious wink. She sauntered closer to him, sashaying her hips. "Why don't you do us a favor? How about you go distract the security guards while we make a run for it with this cart? I mean, I know it's stealing, but..." Her voice turned soft and innocent, and she pouted, fluttering her eyelashes. "We don't have any money! And we really need these toys. You understand that, don't you?"

She reached a hand out to stroke Dorky Boy's cheek--all the while calculating how much hand sanitizer she would have to apply afterwards--when a voice interrupted her. "Hey hey hey, what the hell are you doing to my boyfriend?"

Meggie whirled around turning to see who had spoken. To her surprise, and the surprise of Dustfinger and Allie(Mo was still obsessing over how he was going to get his toys), they saw the unfriendly Friendly's person.

"Tim!" The waiter shouted. "Step away from that whore!" Tim, the obedient boyfriend he is, stepped away, wide eyes. Allie looked from Tim to the waiter, a repulsed look crossing her face.

"Dude," Allie said to the waiter. "How old are you? Forty? And Tim here is what, seventeen?"

"Jailbait!" Meggie chimed in, repulsed yet turned on by the fact that Tim was gay. Yaoi!

"I am only thirty-nine!" the waiter shouted, as if that was a big difference. "And my name is not 'Dude' it is Keith!"

"Um...okay 'Keith'" Allie said, still disgusted by the older and younger relationship. Keith, then, looking at Meggie, sauntered over to Tim, and laid a fat one on his lips.

"That's disgusting," Dustfinger said, wincing at the sight.

"You're just jealous that you can't get any action!" Meggie said, looking wide eyed at the performance in front of her. After a minute of watching Meggie realized that they had to come up with another way to steal all of Mo's shit. Meggie suddenly had a new idea, and rallied Mo, Dustfinger, and Allie up, and told them her genius plan.

"This is gonna be good," Allie raised her eyebrows, antcipating the moment.

Meggie and Allie were at the front of the store, Mo and Dustfinger postioned by the door, waiting for the cue from Meggie so they could make a run for the van as soon as the gaurd was distracted. As Meggie looked around, she winked twice at Mo and Dustfinger, the signal. Just as the electronic doors opened and Mo and Dustfinger were ready to sprint with the cart full of goods, Meggie shouted, "Hey sexy, look over hear!" As the guard turned towards Meggie's cry Mo and Dustfinger booked it out of the store, the alarm sounding. Before the guard could turn towards the door, Meggie and Allie lifted their shirts, flashing the guard. He was mometarily stunned, so Meggie and Allie ran out of the door, following Mo and Dustfinger.

As they caught up with them, Allie looked around and shouted, "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE VAN?"

Mo opened his mouth, and for a moment it actually seemed like he was going to say something productive. Then, he let out a high-pitched screech akin to something that one of the vampires from 30 Days of Night might emit. Everyone looked at him, stunned, until he broke down into hysterics once more. "We're gonna die!"

"Mo, you always say that," Dustfinger pointed out, rolling his eyes. "We're not going to die. We'll get life in prison, probably."

Mo whimpered. "Prison is even worse! I'm too young to have my anus probed by older sexually-deprived men!"

As angry as Meggie was at her father, she had to take a few moments to stop and relish in that mental image. She stared off into space for a good thirty seconds until Allie suddenly exclaimed, "Meggie, snap out of it! Mo, where the fuck did you park the van?"

Meggie shook herself, and something horribly dawned on her. "Oh my god, Mo. Did you forget to lock it again?!" She took the consequent wail as a yes. "Goddamnit, Mo! What the fuck are we supposed to do now?!"

Mo continued to cry, burying himself in a very relectant Dustfinger's shoulder. Meggie snarled and stomped over, intent on slamming her father's head into the nearest brick wall, when loud footsteps behind her made her freeze in her tracks. Oh, wait, it wasn't the footsteps that froze her. It was the taser gun that had just been shot into her side. With a cry she toppled over, twitching.

"Meggie! Oh my god! Holy fuck! HOLY BANANAFUCK!" Allie howled, and Meggie felt arms tugging her up from her place on the ground where she lay, spasming.

"Stop them!" a voice bellowed, and footsteps thudded in her ears. Her head throbbed, her eyes glazed, and she was almost certain she was drooling a bit on Allie.

"RUN FOR IT!" Mo caterwauled. Meggie felt herself being flung over his shoulder as her father began to run away, pushing the cart hurriedly along in front of him.

_Oh, great. At this speed they'll catch us in no time, _Meggie thought morosely. She was too tired to say this out loud.

"THE TOYS ARE MINE, SWINE!" Mo declared loudly. Then Meggie blacked out.

Meggie awoke to the sound of tires on the road, and a horn blaring loudly from a car behind them. Distorted, she looked around to see Mo playing on the floor of the vehicle, playing with his new Barbie and Ken doll, Allie driving and Dustfinger in the passenger seat, playing a Nintendo DS. Looking down Meggie saw that she was lying on a...gurney? Then slowly, the realization dawned on her.

"HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!" she bellowed, scaring Allie and Mo, Dustfinger was to preoccupied with his game to notice. "You stole a friggen' _ambulance_?"

"It was the first empty car with the keys in the ignition we found!" Allie tried to justify their twisted new mode for transportation.

"So we stole it?" Meggie was incredulous. "Were the EMTs at someone's house? Trying to save their lives? And now that person will die because we stole their ambulance?"

"No!" Allie hurried to explain. "We saw the ambulance at the Dunkin' Dounts across the street from Toys-R-Us! The EMTs were getting coffee and muffins, those fat asses!"

"Oh," Meggie was silent for a minute. "That's okay then."

Mo giggled. "Oh Barbie. She's such a whore." Currently his Barbie and Ken dolls were lying on top of each other. "Did you know if Barbie was a real person, she would fall flat on her face because her head is so dispropotioned to her body?"

Allie raised both eyebrows. "I'm actually really impressed that you know that, Mo. I feel like you're getting smarter."

"I'm a _genius, _Allieleaf," Mo proclaimed, then proceeded to pick his nose.

Meggie coughed, awkwardly. "Of course, Mo."

"Fuck!"

Everyone swiveled their heads over to Dustfinger, whose fingers were jabbing vigorously at the buttons on his DS. "Goddamn Heartless," he mumbled irritably, seemingly unaware that everyone was staring at him.

Meggie blinked. "Anywayyyy," she sang, swinging up into sitting position. Her legs dangled childishly off the side of the gurney. "What are we gonna do now?"

"Shouldn't be a problem!" Mo chirped, looking up from his now snot-covered Barbie doll. "We should be at Elinor's very soon--!"

Without turning around, Allie picked up a packaged Nintendo DS and chucked it at him. It hit him right between the eyes, and he fell backward dramatically. Allie shook her head, eyes still trained on the road. "Shut the fuck up, Mo."

"Yeah Mo, whenever you say that it takes a hundred years longer than it should. It's a jinx!" Meggie scolded Mo, who was know lying on the floor, curled up like a dead opossum.

"Damn fucker!" Dustfinger said, throwing the new DS on the ground. He childishly crossed his arms and pouted.

"What's wrong?" Meggie inquired

"I hate that cockblocking game!" Dustfinger growled.

"Then why the hell were you playing it?" Meggie asked, cocking her head to the side in confusion.

"Because I felt like it!" He snapped. "What the hell is this, the fricken Spanish Inqusition?" He muttered the last bit under his breath, but Meggie still heard. She childishly stuck her tongue out at him, though he could not see her.

"I'm hungry!" Mo suddenly said, sitting Indian style on the floor, done with his dead opossum impersonations because no one was paying any attention to him.

"Sorry Mo, we have no money. We can't buy any food," Allie answered dejectedly as her stomach growled.

"But you're hungry too!" Mo whined. "How come we can't steal it?"

"Because, stealing is wrong!" Meggie preached, as if she was a nun. Everyone stared at her for a while; even Allie, who was miraculously managing to stay on the road. "Okay, stealing _food _is wrong," she amended. "Because what if other people need it to live?"

"Some people need video games to live," Dustfinger argued, picking up the DS again with twitching fingers and turning it back on.

"It's like crack!" Mo piped up, and then his eyes darted back and forth secretively. "Not that I... have any... experience with that sort of thing."

Meggie rubbed her temples. "Mo, how in the hell did you manage to get laid?"

He cocked his head. Then, he cocked it some more, until his neck was tilted at a ninety degree angle. "What's _laid _mean?"

Allie coughed loudly, cutting off whatever it was that Meggie was going to reply with. "Mo, you're too young to know that."

Mo pouted and chewed on his Ken doll. "Screw you, Allieleaf, I wanna know."

Rolling her eyes, Allie said, "Alright, Mo. But you asked for it. Come here." She beckoned him closer. Blinking, Mo scootched up next to the driver's seat, and she bent down to whisper in his ear. As time went by, Mo's face changed from the initial triumphant expression. By the end of Allie's speech, he was ghostly white, eyes glazed over as if he was about to be violently ill. Once the numbing shock wore off, he began to cry.

"For fuck's sake," Dustfinger chided, eyes flicking up from his game. "Mo obviously isn't your father, Meggie. He didn't even know what sex _was_."

Meggie rolled her eyes. "Well, obviously Mo isn't my real father. Why do you think I don't call him 'dad'? I've just been humoring everyone. If I _was _somehow related to him, I'd be a lot more fucked up, don't you think?" She then proceeded to daydream about explicit yaoi.

Suddenly, there was a screech of tires breaking, and the ambulance jerked to a halt. Allie was half-climbing, half-stumbling out of her seat as she flung the door open. "Look! There's a hobo on the side of the road, and I think he's got some food!"

"YES!" Mo pumped his fists in the air, triumphantly.

"We gonna get some food, yo!" Meggie added in her gangsta voice.

"Okay," Allie said, turning to face Mo and Meggie. "Here's the plan. Mo is going to take all the food, while Meggie and I jump him!"

"LETS DO THIS SHIT!" Meggie shouted in a very masculine voice. Slowly, the three of them crept out of the ambulance, crawling towards the homeless man. Meggie and Allie crawled to one side of him, while Mo slowly inched closer and closer towards the food. With the homeless man watching Mo intently, probably trying to figure out what the hell he was doing, Allie and Meggie struck. Allie jumped on his back, digging her finger nails into his head and cutting his forehead. Meggie started to punch him in the gut and when Allie jumped off his back, Meggie straddled the homeless guy and started punching him across the face with a power and force she didn't even know she had. After a few more punches Meggie got off of him and started to kick his right side, while Allie kicked his other. Finally, at the same time, they both kicked his temple with all their might, and his body went limp.

"Shit, did we kill him?" Allie asked, suddenly noticing the blood covering her and Meggie's body.

"Fuck, I think we did!" Meggie said, then suddenly, "Shit! What if he had AIDS!" Mo, who had successfully stole the food, came up to them and stared at the dead body of the homeless man and the blood covering Meggie and Allie.

"What did you do?" he asked in a small voice.

"We just beat the living shit out of this dude," Meggie answered nonchantly.

"Oh my God!" Allie pointed over Mo's shoulder. "I see an empty construction site! Let's dump the body there!"

"I feel like such a badass right now," Meggie murmured, grabbing the dead hobo by the legs. "Get his head."

"Eww, I don't want to touch his head! It's all bloody and icky...!" Allie complained. Meggie shot her a venomous look, and she faltered. "Fine, fine. It's the least I can do, I guess." Scrunching up her nose, she picked up the homeless man's upper body, and together her and Meggie began to carry-slash-drag him to the construction site, Mo trailing behind uncertainly.

It wasn't until they had dropped the corpse into an open pit of dirt that comprehension struck Meggie like a baseball bat. "Holy fucking shit! We just killed someone!" Her hands fisted in her hair as she gawked at the blood-soaked hobo, now lying face-down in the dirt, his body clear for all to see.

Allie seemed to realize the gravity of the situation at around the same time. She glanced at Meggie, purely horrified. "Are we going to hell?"

Admist the seriousness, Meggie couldn't help but giggle at this. "Sweetie, we've been going to hell for a long time now. This is just the tip of the iceberg."

"But we killed him!" Allie cried shrilly. "And look at that!" She thrust her arm out to point at the hobo. "Everyone's going to see that! We have to bury him!" Frantically, she dropped to her knees and began throwing handfuls of dirt at the corpse.

Distantly, Mo whimpered. He skulked up behind them, wringing his hands. "Uhm, what about those guys?" Fingers shaking, he gestured somewhere behind Meggie's shoulder. She turned, only to be met with the sight of at least twenty Mexican construction workers, all staring blatantly at the scene.

"Aw, fuck! We're gonna have to kill all of them, too!" Meggie groaned.

"Meggie!" Allie gasped, appalled.

"Well, what the hell are we supposed to do? They could turn us in! Then we'd never save Bridget or Emma!" A pause. "HOLY SHIT WE HAVE TO SAVE BRIDGET AND EMMA!!!"

Allie, ignoring the Bridget and Emma comment, "We can't kill these people, but we can't risk having them turn us in. What the hell should we do?"

"We can knock them unconscious with those digging shovels!" Mo suggested, pointing to five shovels a few feet from where the trio stood. Meggie and Allie exchanged looks, then shrugged their shoulders. Grabbing a shovel each, the tree of them crept towards the pack of workers, spy like. When none of them were expecting anything, Meggie, Allie, and Mo each wacked as many head as possible. When the pack was down, Allie went around checking to make sure each man was still breathing, all were.

"Okay," Meggie clapped her hands together. "So now all we have to do is bury the hobo then grab the food and peace out of here!"

In a deliberate, eerie silence, the three of them worked to cover the hobo with the dirt. Without a shovel, it took about an hour. It would've taken impossibly longer if there had not already been a hole. Afterward, Meggie patted the ground. "No one will ever know!" She grinned, feeling accomplished. With a glance toward the Mexican workers, she added, "But won't they tell when they wake up...?"

"They won't remember," Allie said firmly.

"Says who?" Meggie raised one eyebrow.

Allie beamed deviously. "Says my wallet."

"We only have ten dollars." Meggie deadpanned, taking the bill from her pocket. "Oh, right. We can leave them ten dollars? They won't know the difference, they're Mexican..."

Meggie smacked her in the head. "Hey! My brother is a Mexican!"

Allie blinked. "You have a brother?"

"No, but it seems like a good way to avoid unfair stereotypes and racism..."

"You whore." Allie yanked the money out of Meggie's grasp and tossed it. It floated to the ground by the unconscious workers. "They'll understand what it means." With a satisfied smile, she dusted off her hands as if brushing off their illegal deed. Then she turned and set off toward the ambulance. Mo shadowed her quietly.

Meggie trailed behind them, wondering exactly how it was possible that they had stolen, assaulted, and murdered all in one day. The only thing they needed on their list now was arson.

And, as if to add insult to injury, the ambulance was on fire.

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**A/N: Mwahaha. 3 Cliffhangerrrrr. Sort of. Kind of. Maybe not? I'm delirious at the moment. Anyway, do you see that little review thingy down there? Yeah, I know you do. Don't pretend you don't. REVIEW, FOOL. Or Dustfinger will set your house on fire. **


	17. Chapter Sixteen: Hitchhiking

**A/N: Well it's been a few weeks, but for a while we weren't really feeling the motivation to write this chapter. Ahem. That means you should review, whoever you are. Anyway, then we knocked it all out in a day, and are very proud of ourselves. :D**

**Do I need to do any more disclaimers? I didn't at all up until the last chapter and haven't been sued yet... I guess ****I'll be fine. ;D**

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Chapter Sixteen: Hitchhiking

"HOLY BANANA FUCK!" Allie screamed, pointing to the flaming ambulance. "How the hell did that happen?" As if on cue, Dustfinger jogged towards the trio, a sheepish look upon his scarred face.

"So, we have a little problem," he started. "The car, kinda lit on fire when I playing with the matches."

"Yeah, no shit!" Meggie retorted. "Did Sherlock Holmes tell you that, or did you figure that out on your own?"

"I don't even know a Sherlock," Dustfinger replied, not catching the sarcasm.

"That's not the point!" Allie snapped, nervously looking around. "Right now, we need to find a ride and leave. Me and Meggie just killed a hobo, buried him, then knocked twenty Mexicans out with a bunch of shovels. So, this is a crime scene, and I CAN'T GO BACK TO JAIL!"

"You were in jail?" Meggie was in awe at this cool new fact about Allie.

"Yeah, long story. I'll tell you later."

Meggie blinked at her, her mind whirling with possibilities of what could have landed Allie in jail, when suddenly there was a horrible--and awfully familiar--wailing noise. Meggie's first instinct was that it was a police siren and she was about to hightail it out of there, but then realized that the high-pitched pitiful shrieking belonged to Mo. "Oh my god! The van's on fire!"

She would have slapped him, but she knew it would take a lot more physical damage than that to make Mo's brain work right again. So Meggie settled for shooting her father a dirty look before taking a deep breath and saying "Alright, calm down, everyone. This is fine. All we have to do is hitchhike; you know, stick our thumbs out and wait for someone to stop and let us in."

Allie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that works with one person, but there are four of us. No one's going to stop for that many people."

"Well it's the best we've got, so shut up unless you have a better idea!" Meggie snapped hotly. "Oh, and... we should probably walk away from the ambulance, or people will be suspicious."

Suddenly, a streak of brown fur darted from the entrance of the flaming vehicle, and both Meggie and Allie screamed. The furry creature leapt nimbly up onto Dustfinger's shoulder, and Meggie's mouth fell open. "Gwin! I forgot about him! Was he following us the whole time?"

Dustfinger grunted, raising one hand to scratch Gwin behind the ears. "Oh, yeah. I kept him in my backpack most of the time. I brought along that annoying rat of yours, too."

"His name is Sunshine and he's--OH MY GOD! SUNSHINE!" Meggie let out a howl of terror and began to run toward the ambulance. "He's in there! Oh my fucking god! I have to save him!" And she promptly busted the door down.

"MEGGIE!" Meggie heard Allie scream behind her, but didn't stop. She was going to save Sunshine if it was the last thing she did. She put her hand over her mouth, trying not to breath in the fumes. She frantically searched through corners and some of the cabinets that held the medicine. There was no sign of Sunshine.

Meggie suddenly felt two strong arms grab her around the waist, taking her off guard and Meggie let out a blood curdling scream, taking in a lungful of smoke in the process. In a matter of seconds, she was lying on the ground outside the burning ambulance, Dustfinger lying and coughing next to her.

"You stupid bitch!" he screamed. "Your damn rat was in my backpack too. He was sleeping when the fire started, and I grabbed my backpack and ran out of the ambulance."

"Why didn't you say that BEFORE?!?!?" Meggie screamed, then started to choke again. Ahh, smoke was a bitch.

"Because you acted so rashly," Mo said, bending down and putting a fatherly hand on her shoulder. "Sometimes you need to think before you act, and not after you act." His words were met by dumbfounded stares, even Sunshine and Gwin looked awe-struck.

"What?" Mo asked. "I have my moments." He then promptly scratched his ass. _Disgusting,_ Meggie thought.

"Wow, Mo. That's such a turn-on," Allie said sarcastically.

Mo blinked. "What's that mean?"

"Never mind, Mo..."

Meggie sighed. This was yet another moment where she was astounded that her father had ever had sex. If he actually had. They were still hazy on the whole 'biological father' deal. "Well, now that we've had that mini-episode," she started, managing not to cough though her voice was raspy, "we should wait for someone to pick us up."

"We should get out of here before we do that!" Allie cried. "If we stay here people are gonna know that we stole the ambulance. Isn't that, like, a serious crime?!"

Meggie deadpanned at her. "We just killed someone and buried the corpse in a construction site with twenty witnesses. Who we knocked out and paid_ ten dollars _to keep their mouths shut. And you're worried about stealing a car?"

This effectively shut her up, and Meggie was reminded of how, not even ten minutes ago, Allie had said exactly the same thing to Dustfinger.

"I WANNA GO HOOO-OHHH-OHH, HOOOMMEEEEEE!!!" Mo suddenly sang, tears dripping down his face.

"Are you _crying_, Mo?" Dustfinger asked, incredulous. Here a thirty something year old man was crying because he wanted to go 'home'.

"No!" Mo sniffled, wiping tears away from his cheecks. "I'm _sobbing_!"

"Look! A car!" Allie suddenly said, pointing to headlights in the distance. Everyone turned to look, even Mo who had suddenly forgotten his tears and wanting to go home. Meggie stuck her thumb out, hitchhiker style, and the giant truck came to a rumbling stop.

"Do you all need a ride?" the driver, a man with a giant balding spot, two missing teeth and a beer belly, slurred. Meggie and Allie exchanged wary looks.

"Uh-yeah," Meggie hesitated. This man was a tad on the creeper side.

"Can you take us to Elinor's?" Mo asked cheerily, oblivious to the death stares of Meggie and Allie. Even Dustfinger seemed wary of this man.

"Well sure-nuff!" The driver slured again, a sloppy smile on his face.

"Thanks, pal!" Mo said, as the driver opened the door and Mo piled in, a giant smile on his face. "See, I told you Maggie. Someone would take all five of us."

"There's only four of us," Allie whispered to Meggie. Meggie rolled her eyes at Mo's stupidity.

Dustfinger looked at the girls, "I guess we have no choice to go with..." Dustfinger trailed off, not knowing the drivers name.

"Well, I'm Alphonzo Glen," he slurred. Meggie and Allie exhanged an oh-my-god-this-guy-is-so-crepy look. Dustfinger ambled into the truck, and left with no choice, so did Meggie and Allie.

Meggie started hyperventilating as soon as her body touched the ragged pleather seats of the car. That's right, _pleather. _Not even leather. _Only creepers are this tacky, _she thought, fidgeting and breathing heavily as she attempted to calm herself down.

"You alright back there, miss?" Alphonzo's lopsided grin asked from the rearview mirror. Meggie nearly fainted, and gave him a timid nod, digging her nails into her carseat.

Allie sighed shakily and drew close to whisper in Meggie's ear. "Stop freaking out. It's best if we stay calm; besides, what if he turns out to be a nice guy?"

That last sentence was like a joke to Meggie. This man was going to axe murder them all and dump the pieces off the side of the road, like the Black Dahlia! _Oh my god, what if _he's _the Black Dahlia murderer?! _She began to completely spaz again until Allie not-so-subtly slapped her in the face. "Sorry, sir," she said to Alphonzo, who looked startled by the aggressive behavior. "My little sister has panic attacks. Sometimes the best thing to do is just hit it out of her, you know?"

Alphonzo beamed at them, showing his chipped yellow teeth. "I know exactly what you mean," he said, in such a knowing tone that Meggie freaked out even more.

Before she could jump out of the car like she really wanted to, the engine started up and they started down the road. In a matter of a few seconds they were flying down the empty highway at an inhuman speed. Everyone looked afraid to mention this, except Mo, who was grinning and giggling in the passenger seat. Meggie really feared for her father's life most of all; despite being a thirty-five year old grown man, he still seemed to be the most rape-able one of them all.

Striving to think of the bright side, she could only breathe a sigh of relief at the fact that Alphonzo had failed to mention the ambulance, unconscious Mexicans, or half-buried dead hobo. Then she wondered if that was because those things were the _least _of their problems.

They flew down the road at a hundred miles per hour without anyone speaking. Meggie and Allie were having a silent panic attack and even Dustfinger seemed a little bit worried. Mo was the only one who wasn't picking up one the creepy vibe Alphonzo gave off. Meggie was looking around the truck, trying to think of pleasant things when she saw an axe on the floor, drenched in red. Meggie's eyes widened, and she started to slap frantically at Allie's arm.

"_What?!?_" Allie hissed. Meggie pointed down to the axe and Allie shoved her fist in her mouth to stop from screaming out loud.

_What the fuck should we do?_ Meggie mouthed to Allie. Before Allie could reply, Alphonzo looked in the reaview mirror and winked at Meggie. "You two chickies alright back there?"

"Uh....we're fine," Allie said, though she sounded nothing but fine.

"So, were all you headed, again?" Alphonzo slurred.

"We're going to Elinor's!" Mo shouted cheerfully. "We need to get there as soon as we can because the po-lice are out looking for us!"

"Is that so?" Alphonzo asked. "It just so happens the police are looking for me too!" _THATS IT! _Meggie thought. She was going no futher with this axe murder. Before she knew it she jumped into the front seat of the car and took Alphonzo by surprise.

"I'm sorry, sir! But your ride ends here!" she screamed, opened the front door, and pushed Alphonzo out of the 180 mph speeding truck.

"ADIOS ALPHONZO!" Allie screamed out the window, as his broken body on the road got farther and farther away.

"Thank GOD!" she screeched, as she rolled up the window. "He gave me the heebie-jeebies! Now Meggie, if you don't mind I will drive." Meggie pulled the car over to the shoulder of the road and climbed into the back as Allie climbed into the front.

"Why the fuck did you do that, again?" Dustfinger asked Meggie. "I'm just wondering because I'm pretty positive that pushing someone out of a speeding truck is illegal, and this has been the-what tenth- illegal thing we have done in--"here he checked his nonexistent watch. "--oh, four hours."

"He said the police were looking for him!" Meggie cried. "Obviously he's a murderer or a rapist or both!"

"That doesn't mean anything," Dustfinger said, eyebrows raised. "The police are looking for _us _and we're not dangerous. Sure, we killed a guy--actually, _you _two did--but it wasn't on purpose."

"Why are you sticking up for him? He was a creep!" Meggie announced. Before Dustfinger could reply, Allie spoke up.

"Hey! He dropped something before Meggie pushed him out. I saw him pulling it out of his pocket." She ducked under the seat for a moment and retrieved a small piece of paper. "Hm. It..." Her face fell. "It looks like an invitation to the policeman's ball. It's addressed to him."

Dustfinger's eyes widened and he glanced at Meggie. "You killed a _cop?"_

"I'd say he was more of an undercover cop than anything," Allie muttered.

"He wasn't a cop!" Meggie protested. "He has a bloody axe in the backseat! Why would he have that if he _wasn't _an axe murderer?!" Despite her confidence, she was starting to get worried.

Dustfinger looked around and pinpointed the red-stained axe. He picked it up, examining it, even as Meggie inwardly freaked out about getting AIDS. Then he deadpanned and held the weapon out to Meggie. She peered closer, hesitantly, and noticed that there was a small tag on the handle of the axe that read 'EVIDENCE.'

"Holy shit!" she screamed, panicking. "Who the fuck leaves crime scene evidence on the floor of their car? How was _I _supposed to know?!"

"Once again, Meggie, you acted so rashly and your actions have dire consequences. An undercover cop is dead, and you are to blame,"Mo said, turning to look at Meggie, a somber look on his face.

"Was that supposed to make me feel like shit, or make me feel like the scum that starts to grow on moldy shit?" Meggie asked sarcastically. She decided it was best not to even mention that Mo said something insightful.

"The second one!" Mo cheered, holding up three fingers. _And we're back to dumbshit Mo!_ Meggie thought.

"Well, Alphonzo was a creep, and any cop that comes off creepy has to take the repercussions of their creepiness, so technically, this is all his fault!" Meggie defended herself. When in doubt, blame someone else.

"Or, it's all your fault, you stupid bitch!" Dustfinger snapped, glaring at Meggie.

"What is with the 'stupid bitch' all of a sudden?" Meggie scowled at Dustfinger and he scowled back. Getting tired of scowling, she flipped him off then turned to look out the window.

"Well, I guess he's not going to the police ball now," she muttered to herself, then snickered.

"You are a twisted little girl!" Dustfinger snarled at her, hearing her remark and snicker.

"And you are a cynical, mean old man!" Meggie shot back.

"I am not _old_! I am only twenty-five!"

"Yeah okay, and I'm the Dalai Lama!"

"WILL BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!?!?" Allie exploded from the front seat. Dustfinger and Meggie sat in the back, dumbstruck. "Thank you," she said sweetly after a moment of stunned silence.

Promptly, Mo started to dance along to the radio. "Rooooooxanne!" he sang, jamming to The Police. Which, Meggie reflected, was pretty ironic at the moment.

Dustfinger blinked. "Oh my god," he murmured, running one hand through his hair. "I forgot about her."

"Oh right!" Meggie said, after a moment. "That bitch I beat up at that restaurant! Good times, good times." She looked fondly into the distance with a dreamy smile.

"No, not her," Dustfinger snapped, rolling his eyes. "My wife Roxane."

"Oh right, you have a wife," Allie said, eyes fixed firmly on the road. "We were over this before. So what the fuck, man? You can't cheat on your wife with random people."

Dustfinger was about to protest to this when a lightbulb went off in Meggie's head. "Ohhh, Roxane's your wife!" she said, nodding in acknowledgement. "How did I not realize that before? Anyway, yeah, you've been all over me and Allie this whole time, you man-whore! Not to mention Andy!"

"I forgot about her," Dustfinger admitted thoughtfully, as Allie gritted her teeth and snarled, "Don't _ever _mention her again."

"Sorry. But he's still a man-whore."

Dustfinger gagged. "Wait a minute, I was never 'all over you,' Meggie. You're twelve years old! That would make me a pedophile!"

"Oh right, I'm twelve," Meggie said. "Well if you're twenty-five like you _say _you are, that wouldn't be so bad..."

"Fine, I'm thirty-five. Happy? Either way it's disgusting."

Meggie's lip quivered. "But I thought we had something special!"

"Well, so did I, but then he had to go and be married," Allie said crossly, still not looking back at any of them. Well, at least they finally had an attentive driver.

Mo, who had been silent this entire time, suddenly piped up. "Dusty's a _playuhhhh!" _

"I am not a 'playuhh', Dustfinger said indignantly. "I just like women."

"YOU ARE GROSS!" Meggie shouted in his face.

"Well, you are a sick, evil-minded, cold-hearted murder child!" he snapped back.

"You are a fictional book character!"

"You had a crush on a fictional book character!"

"BOTH OF YOU STOP!!!" Allie shouted, breaking up the fight, again. "I feel like a mom telling her children to stop fighting and it's so--SHIT!" Allie looked at her hair in the rearview mirror.

"Whats wrong?" Meggie asked worriedly.

"I thought I saw a gray, but it was a false alarm!" Allie breathed a sigh of relief. "Alright Mo, where are we going?"

"Take the next exit!" Mo said, all gung-ho about it.

For the next half hour or so the truck ride was quit, with the ocassional hiss from Sunshine or Gwin...or Meggie when she happened to meet eyes with Dustfinger.

"TURN!" Mo suddenly shouted pointing both of his arms in the right _and _left direction.

"Which way?!?" Allie squealed.

"LEFT!!" Mo shouted as if Allie was the idiot of the group. Allie turned left, and suddenly they were driving through a large development with fancy homes in it. Allie continued to drive making turns whenever Mo said she should, though Meggie started to wonder why she was listening to him.

"Mo, are we near Elinor's?" Meggie asked after they had been driving in the development for at least thirty minutes.

"Oh, we passed her house about twenty minutes ago. But I liked seeing all the pretty houses so I decided not to say anything!" Mo said with a giant shit-eating grin on his face.

"YOU LITTLE SHIT!!" Meggie screeched. She swore, her father was the stupidest man alive! Allie made an illegal U-turn and turned to look at Mo.

"Mo, you have to tell me when you see the house, okay?" He nodded vigorously.

"THERE IT IS!" Mo shouted twenty minutes later, pointing out Allie's window to a giant white house with a black gate in front of it.

"Are you sure?" Meggie asked uncertainly. Once again, Mo nodded vigorously.

"I'll call her and let her know we are outside the gate!" Mo said, whipping out his cell phone and dialing her number. As it was ringing he put it on speakerphone.

"_Hi, you have reached the house of Elinor. Currently I am on vacation in Hawaii, getting a tan and reading. I'll be back in a few months so leave a message and I'll get back to you in a few months. BYE!_" The machine beeped, and there was a stunned silence in the car. Mo ended the call and just looked at the four shocked faces of his companions.

"SHE'S ON FUCKING VACATION?!?!?!" Meggie exploded.

"Maybe she wouldn't have been if it hadn't taken us more than a fucking month to get to her house--" Dustfinger began.

"Shut up, Scarface!" Meggie snapped to him, not caring that what she said was less of an insult and more of the title of an Al Pacino movie. "This is all your fault!"

Dustfinger cocked an eyebrow. "How is this my fault? Mo's the dumbass who told us we'd be there in five minutes thirteen chapters ago!"

Everyone turned to look at Mo, who was whimpering and clutching his cell phone as if it were his salvation. "W-well... that was unexpected," he said lamely.

Meggie decided now would be the best time to flip absolute shit. Everything was just too much and she was bound to snap sometime or another. "Mo, you fucking dumbshit! I swear to God, you're worthless! We were supposed to be at Elinor's a fucking month ago, we were supposed to rescue Bridget and fucking Emma, and _we were supposed to kick the shit out of this goddamn Capricorn dude who is ruining my life!_ We didn't do any of that yet, instead we're sitting outside of an empty mansion like a bunch of douchebags!"

By this time, Mo was sobbing hysterically, clutching onto himself as though he were his only comfort. Dustfinger was headwalling, and Allie was staring at the mansion as though Elinor was about to come out of it any second and open the gate for them. "Well, if we can break in, at least we'll have somewhere to stay for the night?" she suggested flatly.

Meggie was seething. "_And then what? _What the hell are we supposed to do now? This entire time it's just been 'We're going to Elinors!' 'We've got to get to Elinor's, Meggie!' 'Elinor will shit herself if we don't get there in time, Meggie!' 'Oh, don't worry, we'll be there in a day at the most!' _Well, we're at fucking Elinor's, and she isn't here! So what in the name of holy _fuck _do we do now?!"_

"We can go rescue your bitchy friends Bridget and Emma," Dustfinger offered dryly, examining his nails.

In an instant, all the rage vanished from Meggie, and she blinked at him. "Oh right," she began, with a sheepish smile. "We can do that."

"How do we get there?" Allie asked, still staring wistfully at Elinor's mansion.

"We can ask Mo," Dustfinger supplied.

Meggie inched closer to her wailing father, who immediately shrunk away from her and sobbed harder. "Mo," she said softly, but he shook his head. "Mo, can you tell us--?"

"N-no! I'm not t-telling you _anything!" _her father cried, his voice muffled as he buried his head in his knees. "Leave me alone!" She drew away from him, guilt flooding through her, and bit her lip.

"Maybe he needs some space," she said. "Well, we can stay here for the night and ask him when he calms down tomorrow?"

Dustfinger hissed. "Do we really have to wait another day? Can't we just torture the answer out of him?"

Before Meggie could snap at him, Allie interjected. "What if he doesn't even _know _the answer? It's not unlikely; Mo doesn't know anything."

Meggie was beginning to be doubtful, but the truth was, she was tired and hungry and eager to sleep somewhere other than the smelly RV, a stolen ambulance, or a shitty motel infested with 'snakes.' Also, logically none of them had eaten anything in at least a week. Logic didn't really apply at this point, but, she was still famished. "Can we just break into Elinor's and figure this all out in the morning?"

"I'm with Meggie," Allie said. "We all need sleep, a decent meal and showers. I swear, the next time Meggie raises her arms I'm gonna drop dead from the stench."

Meggie gasped. "I don't smell!" She raised her arm and sniffed. "Woah, Allie has a point. I need to shower!"

"How do you suggest we break in?" Dustfinger deadpanned, picking at the dirt under his nails.

For the next hour or so Meggie, Allie and Dustfinger thought of a plan to break in. It went from picking the lock with a bobby-pin, to setting the door on fire, to running the truck through the gate and the front door. They thought of scaling the roof and breaking one of the windows, to running around back and seeing if there was a cellar door the could open. Meggie even mentioned they could use the "evidence" axe as a means to break somrthing, but Allie and Dustfinger glared at her for mentioning it. They took a moment of silence to honor Alphonzo Glen. After much deliberation it came down to a simple plan of climbing the gate, then army rolling and crawling on their stomachs to evade any outside cameras, snares or shooting arrows from roof guns. Once they got to the door, Dustfinge would pick the lock with the dagger in his backpack, then Allie and Meggie would dismantle the alarm with a lot of Bubbalicous chewing gum and a pack of Nerds.

As the three slowly walked towards the gate, preparing to climb it, Mo walked straight up to it, and pushed. It swung open with a low groan.

"Look!" Mo pointed, a little more cheery than he was before. "It opened!" Allie, Meggie and Dustfinger were dumbfounded. They watched as Mo walked across the lawn, no lasers going off, triggers trigged or arrows flying from the roof. The three had quickly followed after him.

"Alright, the door still poses as a problem. It's probably locked and there is most likely an alarm inside. So we stick to the--" Allie was cut off as Mo turned the door knob and the door swung open with a _whoosh_ of air.

"Looky! The door is opened too!" Mo jumped with glee. Meggie shushed him as she listened for an alarm, there was nothing but silence and the cliched chirrping of crickets.

"What the fuck?" Meggie asked. "Is this woman absolutey stupid? Does she not lock her front door when she goes away to friggen Hawaii?"

"Maybe she thought no one would steal from her," Mo said, shrugging. "Italian people don't steal!"

Meggie snorted. "Uhm, hello? Have you ever read _The Thief Lord_?"

Mo considered this for a moment. "Wasn't that written by the same person who originally wrote this story? I mean, until it was butchered by a couple of weird chicks."

"No breaking the fourth wall, Mo," Meggie admonished, wagging a finger at him.

"Okayyyyy," Allie sang, skipping into the mansion. "Are you two going to talk about thiefs and walls the whole day or come inside and eat? Because personally I'm tearing the refrigerator apart."

Dustfinger rolled his eyes at that. "Aren't girls supposed to care about their weight and not eat everything?" he commented, starting toward the kitchen.

Allie giggled. "Nope!" she cried, running after him, suddenly giddy, presumably at the prospect of food. Meggie followed to make sure they wouldn't start making out on the kitchen counter or something. Because she wouldn't put it past Allie to be undeterred by Dustfinger being married.

Mo hummed Bohemian Rhapsody behind them as he entered the kitchen, looking for bread to toast. Ah, the good old days in chapter one, when Mo was actually normal and it was supposed to be a serious story.

Meggie yanked the refrigerator door open and grabbed the closest thing to her. "An apple?" she mumbled, but stuffed it into her mouth anyway. Allie shoved her away and started rummaging through the contents of the shelves. "What the hell?" she cried. "It's all healthy food! I thought this lady was fat!"

Mo turned, a piece of bread in hand. "How did you know she's fat?"

"I don't know. She sounded fat." Allie nodded, as if this was a perfectly good excuse, and pulled a stick of butter from the fridge. She unwrapped it and promptly stuck the entire thing in her mouth. Meggie gagged.

"You know, that's going straight to your thighs," Dustfinger commented, selecting two brown eggs.

Allie bared her butter-covered teeth at him. "Shut up, asshole, I'm hungry," she snapped. Then Mo let out a wail of dismay, and everyone turned to him.

"You ate all the butter?" he howled. "Now what am I going to put on my toast?!"

"I wouldn't worry about that," Dustfinger told him, patting the other man lightly on the shoulder as if consoling him. "You won't be able to figure out how to work the toaster anyway."

"What's a toaster?" Mo asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Point taken," Dustfinger called as he searched through the cabinets for a frying pan. Finding on he turned on the gas stove and cracked the egg. "Does anyone know where the spatula is?"

"HERE IT IS!" Meggie exclaimed, waving the black kitchen spatula above her head as if it were some trophy. Dustfinger snatched it out of her hand before she could damage anyone with it. Dustfinger learned over that Meggie was the most dangerous of their group.

"So, you know how to work a stove and make a fried eggs, but you can't drive a car?" Meggie asked as she watched Dustfinger flip the egg in the frying pan. Allie who had eaten most of the butter stick nodded her head along with Meggie.

"No comment."

"That was GOOD!" Allie said, not even a minute later. Her hands and mouth were covered in melted butter. She burped.

"You disgust me," Meggie said, scrunching up her nose in distaste. How could she eat an _entire_ stick of butter?

"I'm tired!" Mo yawned, streching his arms above his head. "Nighty-night!" He then trampled up the stairs and the three in the kitchen heard a door slam shut.

"Well, I guess we should all get to sleep," Allie said, between yawns. "We can figure out what to do in the morning." With that, Meggie and Allie went upstairs to the two other guests rooms, and Dustfinger stayed downstairs, prefering the couch.

"Goodnight Meggie, it was fun killing that hobo with you," Allie said as she stood in the doorway of her temporary room.

"Goodnight Allie, it was fun flashing that security guard at Toys-R-Us with you," Meggie said before she closed her door and flopped down on the bed. She thought of what had happened since yesterday morning and what was bound to happen in the future: chaos.

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**A/N: Yeah, the ending's kind of lame. Blame Flicka for that one, not me. XD I'd like to say we have some interesting events planned for the next chapter, but to be truthful (if you can't already tell, that is) we're just making everything up as we go along. Spontaneity is fun. :3**

**As a result of this, suggestions are welcome. We've already had a few wonderful suggestions from readers and even though we mostly use our own ideas, I wouldn't mind hearing what you guys have in mind. **

**And then there's always plain old reviews. Those are nice too. (;**


	18. Chapter Seventeen: Convenience

**A/N: Well, it hasn't been too long. I don't think. Actually, this chapter is so long I can't even remember when it was started xD. But I digress. As you read, oh faithful fan, keep in mind that we had just gotten done watching Phantom of the Opera when we wrote the first section of this, and Sweeney Todd when we wrote the next section. If you can't tell.**

**The last night we got together to write it, we watched Shawshank Redemption, which I would recommend--but you can't really find any elements of it in here. It's not really sing-song-y, if you catch my drift.**

* * *

Chapter Seventeen: Convenience

"THE PHAAAAAANTOM OF THE OPERAAAA IS THERE, INSIDE MY MIND!" Meggie jolted awake to the horrendous singing of her father (she was still waiting for the paternity test), singing "The Phantom of the Opera."

"Owwie!" Meggie rushed out of bed, and opened the door, to see Mo sprawled on the ground, a bump forming on his forehead, and a clock lying next to him.

"NEVER, _EVER,_ wake me up by singing again!" Allie seethed from the doorway of her room. She was in a God-awful nightgown, yellow with green flowers on it, and thirteen sizes too big. She turned back into her room, and slammed the door shut.

"Morning Meggie!" Mo said cheerfully, despite the fact that he had just gotten his ass kicked by a clock.

"Morning, Mo," Meggie said, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She looked around, just remembering where she was and what had happened the previous day. "Where's Dustfinger?"

"He's downstairs, making eggs." How he knew how to work a stove, and make eggs, Meggie would never know. It was an unsolved mystery, just like how many licks it took to get to the center of the Tootsie-Pop.

"I'm gonna go get ready," Meggie said, awkwardly. Mo nodded his head, then clutched his forehead from the pain of the bump.

Thirty minutes later Meggie was showered, clean and dressed in clean clothes she found in the drawers of the guest room. Luckily, these weren't as big, or as ugly as the nightgown Allie had been wearing earlier this morning. Meggie had found a clean pair of dark jeans, that she cut with scissors to make shorts and a light blue blouse that she tied in the back with a rubberband, so it wasn't as loose and baggy on her.

"Good morning everybody!" she sang out as she sat down at the kitchen table. Mo placed a cheese and ham omelette, bacon and toast in front of her, along with a glass of orange juice and an apple. "Where'd we get the extra food?"

"I bought it," Dustfinger stated, flipping through a magazine; the cover had a burning building on it.

"Where did you get the money?" Allie asked, suddenly coming in the room. She was no longer wearing the God-awful nightgown, but a pretty light purple sundress. _Where the fuck did she get that? _

"Money is hidden all over the place. In couch cushions, pillows, drawers, cabinets. In that library of hers all the books that start with M-O-N-E-Y have a ton of cash in there. This Elinor woman really isn't all that smart."

"What a dumbass," Mo stated. All three of them turned to stare at him. After about a minute of being mercilessly stared into oblivion, Mo crossed his eyes in an attempt to stare at himself as though there was something interesting about it.

"Okay, Mo," Meggie said, deciding to drop the matter and rolling her eyes at how ridiculous her father looked. "Getting back on subject--that's really convenient, but at the same time, you think she'd hide her money a _bit _better considering she didn't even lock the damn door."

"That's what you get from someone who spells their name E-L-I-N-O-R," Allie replied, plopping down at the table and immediately digging into a particularly fat omelette. "I mean," she continued, through a mouthful of ham, cheese, and egg, "it's _obvious _that it should be E-L-E-A-N-O-R."

"Yeah, it's like how Dustfinger's dumbshit wife spells her name with only one 'n'," Meggie added, recoiling as Allie spit pieces of omelette her way. "Allie, you are really not graceful."

Allie looked about to protest at this, but Dustfinger cut in. His eyes were still intent on his magazine, but there was a frown etched onto his face. "She's not a dumbshit," he retorted. "And how the hell do you know how she spells her name? I didn't even know that."

"That's because you can't read," Meggie said. "And you can't drive a car either, yet _somehow, _you can cook with modern appliances! It will never cease to amaze me!"

"I _can _read, thank you," Dustfinger shot back, looking rather pleased with himself.

Before Meggie could think of a smart comeback to that, Allie jumped in, still spewing omelette chunks as she talked. "I'd say Roxane _has _to be a dumbshit if she lets her husband go around flirting and making out with other women!" She nodded enthusiastically and went back to shoving her food in her mouth. Between that and the butter, Meggie swore that girl had the strangest eating habits.

"Or other men," Mo piped up suddenly, grinning mischievously. This prompted another awkward silence as Dustfinger's head finally snapped up from his magazine in favor of gaping at Mo.

"Moving on," Meggie muttered, and was about to commence a wild change of subject when her phone began to ring.

"_You're beautiful, you're beautiful. It's true. I saw--_"

"Hello?" Meggie answered, not bothering to look at the caller ID, and hitting the speakerphone button.

"HOLA!" Bridget and Emma cried from the other end.

"Wazzup, my homie G?" Emma asked, in a gangsta voice.

"OH MY GOD! BRIDGET AND EMMA!" Meggie screamed, jumping up and down and pointing at the phone that she had put on the table. "I forgot about you guys!"

"YOU FORGOT ABOUT US?" Bridget exploded. Meggie suddenly felt her cheeks go hot. _Shit! Should not have told them that_.

"No! No, of course not. How could I have forgotten my best friends?" Meggie covered.

"Because you're a stupid bitch." Dustfinger deadpanned, not even looking up from his magazine. Meggie glared at him.

"Was that your baby daddy?" Emma asked, referring to Dustfinger speaking a moment before.

"How many times have I told you, I'm NOT pregnant!" Meggie shouted, exasperated. Sometimes her friends could be so dense.

"Okay. You're not pregnant," Bridget agreed, though she didn't sound very convincing. "So when are you going to save us from this fugly jail cell? Like there's a demented horse in the cell next door and it smells like shit."

"Well, I would save you guys if I knew where you were. But, you don't even know that, so how can I?" Meggie snapped.

"We can track the cell phone using Google!" Mo suggested, looking up from the fort he was making with his toast, omelette and bacon.

"Did Mo suggest that?" Emma asked. Meggie nodded as if Emma and Bridget could see her. "Three points for Mo, obviously he is the brains of this trio."

"It's actually a quarette." Meggie said. "We have this fat ass chick with us, Allie. We just picked her up along the way. She's disgusting when she eats." As if to prove her point, Allie just shoved a whole piece of toast and a few pieces of bacon in to her mouth. She shrugged as if she couldn't help herself.

"Mo is _not_ the brains of the operation!" Allie said, after wwallowing her food.

"Was that the fat-ass, disgusting girl?" Bridget asked.

"No! I am not disgusting or a fat ass! I just eat like one!" Allie protested.

"The first step to help is acceptance. Accept that you are disgusting. And Meggie, accept that you are preggo with Dusty's baby," Emma replied, using a tone that made it seem as if she was giving a diagnosis.

"And what can I do?" Mo asked cheerfully.

"You don't have to do anything, Mo, you're awesome," Bridget reassured him. "Don't let them get you down, you _are _the brains here."

Mo's face lit up like he had just been introduced to Santa Claus. And, knowing Mo, something like that would make his entire life. Meggie thought about this and realized that what Bridget just said was probably the nicest thing anyone had ever said to Mo. Especially as of late, when all he received daily was verbal abuse--and, in Allie's case, physical abuse.

During her entire contemplation, she barely noticed when Dustfinger viciously threw his magazine against the wall. As if this wasn't enough to accentuate his rage, he opted for spontaneously setting it on fire as well. "Even _they _call me Dusty?" he exploded. "I thought we were over this phase!"

"Dude, chill," Emma said. "Did he just light something on fire? We can hear the crackling. Ah, typical Dusty."

"When we rescue you," Dustfinger pledged, as Meggie rushed to throw water on the flaming magazine, "I _will _kill you."

"Comforting," Bridget murmured dryly. "So, speaking of rescuing us, are any of you googling our cell phone number yet?"

Meggie, being a dedicated friend and knowing this number by heart, immediately dashed into the other room in search of a computer. "Stupid old woman! Not having any technology!" she grumbled as she searched. Allie followed her to help, a piece of bacon dangling determinedly from her lip. Meggie decided that Allie's grossness would have to be another thing she endured, just like Mo's stupidity and Dustfinger's angst. Everyone had their quirks, she supposed.

After salvaging a laptop out of the wreckage of one of Elinor's spare rooms, Meggie marched confidently back into the kitchen, and was met with the sound of Emma, Bridget, and Mo chorusing along to 'Angel of Music' in horrifying sopranos.

"Shut the fuck up!" Dustfinger roared, glaring between Mo and the cell phone with such intensity that Meggie was genuinely surprised when neither burst into flames. "I don't know what that atrocity is, but I'll be damned if I have to listen to Mo's falsetto for one second longer!"

"'Kay, calm down, Dusty," Meggie told him calmly, skipping into the room with her prized laptop. Allie followed, snatching a piece of toast and shoving it into her mouth. "I got the laptop now."

"Yay, we're saved!" Emma and Bridget sang in unison.

"Don't count your chickens before they hatch!" Mo advised, nodding sagely.

"Mo, I've had enough of your wisdom," Meggie said firmly, making her father pout. She turned the laptop on and waited patiently for it to load.

Unfortunately, her patience only lasted so long, and the stupid computer was taking a damn long time to load. She was about to grab it and scream at it--you know, the usual for anyone who was angry at an electronic--when two startlingly high voices sang from the phone, "_Think of me! Think of me fondly! When we've said goodbye--!"_

"What is _with _this awful opera music?" Dustfinger snarled, glaring at the phone as though he wanted nothing more than to throttle it (adding onto the aforementioned theory of disbehaving electronics).

"It's called Phantom of the Opera and it's amazing!" Mo countered, crossing his arms and huffing. "How do you not know these things and yet you know how to _cook_?"

"Will everyone please drop that?" Dustfinger groaned. "Anyway, this is taking way too long--"

"Done!" Meggie shouted, grinning from ear-to-ear.

"You have our location?" Emma asked eagerly.

"No, the internet just loaded." Meggie said. "But this is a small victory for us! It only took five minutes to turn on and the interenet should be up and running--Now!"

"So, now you have our location?" Bridget asked, confused.

"Nope, I just got Google up and running. Now, I am typing in the cell phone number." Here Meggie prattled off the number as she typed it into the location-tracker. "Now, I'm hitting 'Enter' and the screen now says, 'locating your cellular device'"

"What the fuck is with the play-by-play?" Dustfinger snapped.

"Dusty is not in a very good mood!" Emma said, astonished. "Dusty you should use softer tones around Meggie, since she is with child and the baby can hear what's going on outside."

"Would you please stop insisting that me and Meggie conceived a child!" Dustfinger said. _Conceived?_ Meggie thought. _Why the fuck is he being so damn formal?_

"So, you are denying that you two had sex?" Bridget asked, nonchalantly. As if she always asked thirty-something year-old-men if they had sex with twelve-year-olds.

"NO!" Dustfinger shouted. "WE HAVE NOT HAD SEX!"

"But you want to?" Emma teased, facetiously.

At this point, Dustfinger was livid, fuming with anger. "ALL THREE OF YOU ARE _STUPID BITCHES_!" He then proceeded to stamp out of the kitchen, run upstairs, and slam the door like a teenaged drama queen.

"WOW," Bridget said, after a moment of silence. "He is a petulant child. Meggie, whatever did you see in him?" She suddenly picked up a formal tone.

"Doesn't matter," Meggie said distractedly. "I HAVE YOUR LOCATION!"

"Shut up!" Emma was shocked. "You have our location?"

"Yes, your location is 40º 50' N, 014º 15' E!" Meggie rattled off.

"What the _fuck _does that mean?" Allie asked, grabbing Meggie's half-eaten egg. Meggie was amazed she was still hungry.

"Who cares?" Mo lilted. "We have GPS!"

Allie cocked her head. "Why are you so smart all of the sudden, Mo?"

"I'm starting to become used to it," Meggie stated matter-of-factly, scribbling down the latitude and longitude points on a sticky note before closing the laptop and snatching up her cell phone. "Which is scary."

Mo grinned at her, a crazed look in his eye, and she glimpsed the remnants of a piece of egg between his teeth.

Allie glanced quickly at him, disturbed, and said, "Don't get _too _used to it," before stuffing Meggie's stolen food in her mouth.

"Uhm, hello?" Emma's voice called from the phone. "We're still here!"

"Oh my god!" Bridget shouted, her voice sounding farther away. "This magazine Capricorn gave us is _shit! _This guy thinks he knows his fashion, but he dresses like a blind jester!"

"How do you know what a blind jester dresses like?" Emma inquired.

"Funny you should ask that..."

"Sorry to break into what I'm sure was going to be a great story," Meggie cut in, rolling her eyes, "but we're leaving to come rescue you guys now."

"So we can save you from Capricorn's horrible fashion 'don't's!" Mo beamed.

"Yeah, that. So what are we gonna do about the bitch upstairs?"

"We can leave him," Allie suggested lightly, at which there was a distinct _thud _to be heard on the stairs, and Dustfinger came half-stumbling, half-tumbling down rather ungracefully.

"I'm not staying in this house a moment longer," he announced. "This woman doesn't even have any matches, and I used my last one to light that damned magazine!"

Meggie, who could've sworn Dustfinger had caused the magazine to burst into flames just by glaring at it, shrugged. "Okay, you can come, but only if you promise not to be grouchy!"

"Grouchy? Who says that?" Bridget asked, just as Emma exclaimed, "Yeah, don't be grouchy in front of the baby, Dusty!"

An alarmingly-prominent vein above Dustfinger's temple twitched as he clenched his teeth and tried to ignore the stupid bitches on the phone. "I'm going to ignore them from here on out. Though I don't know why I'm assisting you in their rescue... other than to kill them myself, of course..."

"He sounds like he's going to be such a good father!" Bridget cooed.

"I _am _a father!" Dustfinger snapped.

Silence enveloped them, but for no more than ten seconds before Mo stood from his spot on the ground and twirled in the air, singing, "_My friiiiiiiiend, my lucky friiiiend!" _at the top of his lungs.

"_SWEENEY TODD_!" Emma and Bridget squealed.

"PLEASE! No more HORRIBLE singing!" Dustfinger cried out in agony, clutching his ears as if they would bleed from Mo's voice.

"Dusty! Don't be such a hater!" Emma said.

"Yeah, haters live dramatically shorter lives than people who laugh and smile and love everyday. For example, Mo will live a long happy life becasue he is good-hearted, where you will most likely die in a few years. Alone and unwanted." Bridget chimed in after Emma. Dustfinger's vein above his head was now throbbing. It seemed to Meggie as if it would explode. Dusty was grinding his teeth together, and mumbling. Meggie only caught a few words, "kill, murder, painful, hang by toes, and lots of blood". She didn't want to know what he was planning for her two best friends.

"Okay!" Emma called in a cheery voice. "How about you plug in those coordinates for our location and get on the road and save us from this shity, horrible, god-awful, fuck place that makes me gag every moment, and there are no hot guys here so I have to stare at Bridget's fugly face all day. SAVE ME!" There was the distinct sound of a slap and an "ouch, bitch you hurt me".

"Okay, okay, okay. Don't kill each other, otherwise this rescue mission would have been a waste of my time. We'll see you guys soon." Meggie said. Before Emma or Bridget could answer, she snapped her phone shut, ending the call.

"THANK GOD!" Dustfinger shouted as he stared at the closed phone. "If I had to listen to those stupid whores for one more minute I would have gone BERSERK!"

"Right, because setting a magazine on fire and running up the stairs like a 4 year old is not in the 'berserk' category," Allie said just as Mo commented, "They are not 'whores'. Whores get paid while hoes or sluts do not, so the appropiate word for Meggie's friends would be sluts."

Meggie stared blankly at her father for a long time, and sensing her stare, he turned towards her to meet her glare. Instead of cringing, which he would have a day before, he gave her a toothy, manical grin and a wave of his hand. The sight was so disturbing, what with the afromentioned eggs in his teeth that Meggie turned away from him.

"Now that were down insulting Meggie's friends, let's go," Allie suggested sensing Meggie's discomfort.

"Raise your hand if you like pickles!" Mo called from the passenger seat of Alphonzo Glen's truck as they drove out of Elinor's development. They had been taking polls of their favorite things, like movies and music and food.

"Raise your hand if you don't give a shit!" Dustfinger called from the back of the truck. He raised his hand enthusiastically, mocking Mo, Allie and Meggie.

"Way to be a killjoy, Dusty," Meggie pouted. "We're trying to have fun and do something to pass the time, you know!" She huffed, shook her head, and went back to clipping her toenails.

Dustfinger, who was fortunate enough to be sitting in the backseat with her, recoiled with a comtemptuous expression. "Please don't clip your toenails near me. That's disgusting."

"It's a free country!" Meggie shot back at him.

"No it isn't! This isn't America!"

"Yeah, c'mon, Meggie. Do you _see _any ignorant obese people around here?" Allie called from the driver's seat. "Obviously we're not in America."

Meggie half-shrugged, half-nodded at this, as if Allie conceded her point. "Hey Dusty," she began, going back to clipping her toenails, much to his chagrin. "How do you even know what America is? You don't even know how to dr--"

"Alright, that does it! I am _learning _how to drive!" Dustfinger announced loudly, cutting her off and simultaneously shoving her so harshly that she dropped her toenail clipper, which had most likely been his intention.

"Alright, chill," Allie said smoothly. "We can teach you how to drive after we rescue Meggie's weird friends. Hey, blue one!" Grinning widely, she reached over and punched Mo on the shoulder just as a blue Volkswagen barreled past. Mo clutched his pained arm and pouted.

"Blue what?" Dustfinger asked obliviously, elbowing Meggie roughly as she made a lunge for her fallen toenail clipper.

"Settle down, children," Mo told them sagely; before either of them could protest, Allie cut in with a "A blue Volkswagen, duh!"

"A folk's wagon?" Dustfinger raised his eyebrows. "Sounds like something you'd find in the Inkworld. That is what you all call it, right, Mo? The Inkworld?"

"Yep!" Mo replied, smiling broadly. "Hey Dusty, remember in the beginning of this story when it actually made sense and you called me 'Silvertongue' instead of 'Mo'? Good times!"

"Oh, I remember that!" Meggie said, nodding, still attempting to retrieve her nail clipper as Dustfinger pinned her forcibly to her seat with one arm.

All the while, Allie was rolling her eyes and huffing at the stupidity of all of them. "Not a folk's wagon! A _Volkswagen! _It's German. I think. Anyway, you obviously know nothing about cars, Dusty!"

"Why would I need to? I can't drive."

"Oh, so _you _can mention it as an excuse, but every time one of _us _tries to bring it up--!"

"Red one!" Mo proclaimed, punching Allie violently on the arm. She frowned and rubbed at the abused skin as Mo beamed.

"Hey, we haven't sung anything since we got in the car," Meggie noted lightly, squirming and trying to bring one arm up to punch Dustfinger in the face. Or at least get him to let her go in some way. "Turn on the radio, Allie!" And before Dustfinger could shout at her that he didn't want to listen to any more of their stupid music, Allie obliged.

"_SO I PUT MY HANDS UP, PLAYING MY SONG, YOU KNOW I'M GONNA BE OKAY! NODDING MY HEAD LIKE YEAH, MOVING MY HIPS LIKE YEAH..._"

"Oh _fuck_ no!" Allie shouted, changing the station mid-Miley Cyrus. "No way in hell are we listening to that hoe!"

"Amen, sister!" Mo said, flipping through the stations trying to find something good to put on.

"Hey!" Dustfinger called. "I liked that song!" Meggie pinched the bridge of her nose, processing this new information.

"So, you're telling me you like Miley Cyrus, but cannot listen to _The Phantom of the Opera_ or _Sweeney Todd_?" Meggie asked, calmly. Dustfinger nodded his head and was about to say something when Meggie exploded, "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Obviously, a lot more than we thought!" Mo chimed in from the front seat, finally settling on a station.

"_I was half convinced I'd waken, satisfied enough to dream you. Happily I was mistaken, Johanna...._"

"Wow, my favorite song is on!" Allie cheered, lip-synching the words and dancing in the front seat.

"Your favorite song is about stealing a girl named Johanna?" Meggie asked, skeptically. "Never realized you were such a butch, Allie."

"I'm not a butch!" Allie cried, sounding hurt. "I just know a good song when I hear one!"

"Uh-huh." Meggie was unconvinced. "Why the hell are Sweeney Todd songs on the radio anyway?"

"Because defying logic is what we _do_!" Mo yelled in a deep voice, pounding his chest and making a peace sign. "Yeah boi!"

Meggie couldn't help but facepalm. "Mo, you are so OOC."

Mo cocked his head. "What's OOC mean? Is it a bad word?"

"Sure, Mo, sure."

"_Hey_." Allie's voice suddenly spoke up above theirs, as well as Antony's cries of _Johaaaannaaaa _on the radio. "We're gonna have to make a bit of a pit stop. Alphonzo Glen, rest his soul, didn't leave us with a lot of gas in his truck, I'm afraid. So we'll have to be refilling that."

"Nose goes on refilling the gas tank!" Meggie cried, poking her nose. Allie followed suit, and though it took him a second or two to comprehend what was going on, Mo did the same.

Dustfinger just blinked. "What about noses?"

"You were too slow on the uptake," Meggie informed him. "Now you have to fill the gas tank. Oh look, there's the gas station now!"

"I don't know how to do that!" Dustfinger retorted. "I've never pumped gas before!"

"What, are you from New Jersey or something?"

"No, you stupid bitch! I don't know jack shit about cars! Isn't that obvious by now?"

"Excuses, excuses..."

"I'm serious, little girl! I have no clue--" He was cut off by Allie, who was laughing so hard, she swerved the car on the road.

"Did you just call her 'little girl'? That is such a creeper move! Like Judge Turpin from _Sweeney Todd_!" She was laughing so hard, and loud that no one could talk in the remaining moments before Allie pulled up in front of an empty gas pump.

"So what the hell do I do?" Dustfinger asked, getting out of the truck and slamming the door. The other three followed suit, just not slamming the door.

"I don't know! Be useful and figure it!" Allie snapped. "Come on guys, let's go get food. I'm starved!" With that, Allie, Mo, and Meggie went into the gas station store, leaving Dustfinger alone, and confused on how to pump gas.

Inside the store, Allie headed straight towards the junk food aisle, grabbing two family size bags of Doritos, a package of Twizzlers, seven 3 Muskettiers Bars, and a giant bag of fruit snacks.

"You are such a fat-ass," Meggie commented, looking at all of the food in Allie's arms. Before Allie could respond or defend herself they heard a familar voice. A voice they had hoped not to hear.

"So, I'm looking for a group of four. A really shady looking group. Two men, a young girl and a female lady. They said they were running from the police and then pushed me out of my truck. I got a picture of them here." Meggie's eyes widened and Allie dropped everything out of her arms. Slowly, the two of the creeped around the corner of the aisle and there, talking to the cashier, was Alphonzo Glen, back from the dead.

"Hey!" Mo exclaimed. "Isn't that Alph--" Meggie coverd his mouth with her hand, pulling him farther down the aisle so the cashier or Alphonzo couldn't see them.

"Mo, _do not speak!_" she hissed. Mo nodded his head, eyes wide and bug-like. She removed her hand and looked desperately at Allie. "What the fuck do we do now?"

"I don't know! I never killed a guy and then saw him less than 24 hours later at a trashy gas station store before!" Allie said.

"We need to get out of here!" Meggie insisted.

"Yeah, no shit! How do you suggest we do that without being seen, Sherlock?"

"We need disguises!" Mo chimed in before Meggie could answer.

"And where are we supposed to get these disguises?" Meggie asked, exasperated.

"There's a costume section at the back of the store!" Mo pointed his finger, and sure enough, there was a costume section right next to the dairy products.

"Well, that's convenient," Allie stated, shocked.

"No kidding," Meggie mumbled, before crouching down and barrel-rolling down the aisle and into the costume section. "Ninja skills!"

"Shhh," Allie snapped at her, before slinking over, slowly, watching Alphonzo's back carefully. Mo giggled and sprinted over to Meggie, tripping over Allie in the process. He stumbled, knocking into the dairy products and sending a gallon of milk crashing to the ground.

"Fuck!" Meggie hissed, snatching her father and pulling him into the aisle just as Alphonzo turned around. Meggie guessed the only thing he could've seen was half of Allie's leg as she lay splayed on the ground, but if he found this suspicious, he didn't let on. She waited until he turned around again, and then dragged Allie into the costume section along with Mo.

"Okay, so we're going to have to disguise ourselves _really well _since Alphonzo's a cop," she reminded them. "He's not just some random dumbass so we can't walk out there with big sunglasses and obviously-fake noses and hope he doesn't realize something's up. If we want a prayer of getting out of this place without handcuffs on we're going to have to do some serious making over. Allie, you get some make-up. Mo, you get clothes. I'll get the accessories."

After Meggie's inspirational leadership speech, they each scuttled to different parts of the costume section, frantically picking out disguises. All the while Meggie was praying furiously that Dustfinger didn't get bored and wander inside looking for them. Well, actually... that would be a good thing, considering he'd get caught and they wouldn't have to worry about anything! Then again, Dustfinger was a dick, so he would probably tell Alphonzo where they were.

Not even ten minutes later, the trio had regrouped in the middle of the costume section. There had been no commotion outside, so Meggie figured Dustfinger ws still preoccupied with the gas. They all dumped their arms load onto the floor and Meggie gasped at the costumes Mo had chosen.

"There is no way in hell am I wearing those costumes!" Allie snapped, disgust crossing her face.

"These are good costumes!" Mo whined, picking a piece of clothing off the floor and holding it up to his chest.

"Uh-uh. I am not wearing those!"

"Allie, I don't want to wear these disguises either, but it's all we have and we need to get going before Dustfinger gets bored and walks in and sees Alphonzo Glen back from the dead!" Meggie hissed. She shoved Allie's costume at her. "Go change!"

"I'm not changing in front of Mo!" Allie whispered, looking at Mo from the corner of her eyes.

"Allieleaf, don't be shy!" Mo said, pushing her shoulder teasingly. "It's not like you have anything I don't." Meggie glanced at her father, worriedly, then shook her head. Mo was weird. She then shot Allie a just-change-now-or-I'll-break-your-legs stare. Allie walked a few feet away before she started to change, Meggie and Mo did the same.

Alponzo Glen and the cashier--Benjamin, his name tag read--were still talking about the crazy four who had attempted to murder Alphonzo when they saw three people approach them from the dairy aisle. Both of their jaws dropped when they saw the trio before them. A man in his late thirties or early forties was flanked on both sides by two women. One seemed a little younger than the legal age, but who were they to judge her life. The man, a stringy blonde with a dark soul patch, decked out in a mint green pinstripe suit, and a matching hat with a purple feather, linked his arms through his girls. The taller and older looking one, had dark purple make-up on and a skimpy red dress that barely covered her and her fishnet-stocking-clad legs. Her orange red hair was big and curly. She had on black pumps that she seemed uncomfortable in. The shorter and younger looking girl had on black eye make-up and bloodred lipstick. She also had fishnets on, though hers were ripped. She was wearing a small black leather skirt and a metallic blue tube top that stopped at her belly button. Her black curly hair was topped with a silver conductor's trio made their way to the door, and the young girl winked at both men as she passed, the older girl giggled, waving flirtatiously. They walked up to a truck outside and started talking to a fourth man.

"That truck sure looks familiar!" Alphonzo said, before turning back to Benjamin to describe the four crazies again.

"What the fuck are you three wearing?" Dustfinger asked, looking at Mo, Meggie and Allie up and down with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"Don't worry about it," Allie said enigmatically, winking at him as she strutted by and plopped into the driver seat of Alphonzo's car.

"I find it funny how you recognized us but Alphonzo didn't," Meggie commented lightly to the bewildered Dustfinger, who was staring at Allie's legs for a bit longer than she'd recommend for a 'married man.'

His head snapped up, his eyes impossibly wider. "What are you talking about?"

"Alphonzo Glen, silly!" Mo cut in. His idiotic grin really didn't suit his pimp outfit. Then again, Mo probably had no clue what a pimp was. "Did you already forget about the undercover cop we killed?"

He practically shouted it, and Meggie frantically slapped her hand over his mouth, rolling her eyes. "Shut up, Mo," she mumbled. "Besides, we didn't _really _kill him. Even though we thought so up until ten minutes ago."

Dustfinger stared at her (hopefully not in the same way he'd been staring at Allie, as that would have been considered pedophilia), and then turned to stare at the gas station store. "He's in there?"

"Very perceptive, Dusty," Allie remarked from the driver's seat, just before she turned the ignition on and the trunk rumbled to life. "It's a good thing we got these disguises. Why they would have costumes in a gas station store, I have no fucking clue, but it sure was convenient."

"I guess that's why they call it a _convenient _store!" Mo chirped cheerfully.

Four and a half seconds of silence followed this statement before Meggie slapped Mo smartly across the face. "Never again."

"Sorry," he whimpered.

"Anyway," Allie called, "are you three going to get in the truck or wait for Alphonzo to come out here so you can say hi?"

"Oooh, can we?" Mo beamed, but Meggie sighed and slapped him again. Looking close to tears, her father cradled his abused cheek and clambered into the truck, followed by Meggie and Dustfinger.

"I still don't understand how the fuck he isn't dead," Dustfinger murmured as they pulled out of the gas station and onto the road once more.

"Maybe he's _SUPERMAN_?" Mo said, wide-eyed at the possibility. Meggie thought it over, then shook her head.

"Superman isn't stupid. He would have known it was us." Meggie said. She realized this actually sounded nice, then added a, "Dumbass."

"Who cares!" Allie snapped, turning down a dirt road that led to a busy highway. "All we know is that he is alive and he has pictures of us. So Dustfinger, you need to get a disguise too."

"And where would you like me to find this disguise? Up my ass?" Dustinger asked sarcastically.

"No! Don't be ridiculous! Mo stashed an extra costume in his pants!" Allie snapped, deadpan. Dread crossed Dustfinger's face and before he could ask if she was shitting him, Mo pulled a costume out of his pants. He handed them to Dustfinger, a flirtatious smile on his face.

"Stop looking at me like that!" Dustfinger barked. He looked at the costume and groaned. "Where should I change?"

"In the dressing rooms, right around the corner!" Meggie said sweetly and sarcastically. "Where the hell do you think? I'll hop up front with Mo and Allie, while you change in the back!"

"And don't worry, no one's gonna look at your puney penis!" Allie cackled from the front, swerving in front of a red Sedan.

"My penis is not puney!" Dustfinger was honestly offended. Allie rolled her eyes and mumbled 'men' under her breath. Meggie giggled and Mo waved to an old lady driving a purple VW bug. He punched Meggie.

"PURPLE ONE!" Meggie glared at Mo, rubbing her arm.

"Goddamnit! Mo! Don't you ever punch me again or it will be the last thing you do! I swear to God!"

"Alright, I'm done changing. How much of a doucher do I look, you damn pricks?" Dustfinger called. His costume was identical to Mo's, the only difference was the hat and suit was purple while the feather was green.

"You look beautiful!" Mo said, dreamily. Allie and Meggie exchanged looks before singing, "AWKWARD!"

"Fuck you Mo! I hate all three of you and your suck ass fashion sense!" Dustfinger glared at each of them, a glare that could have melted glaciers, except all three of them laughed.

"Are we there yet?" Meggie asked petulantly, for the thirtieth time in the past two hours.

"If you ask that question one more time I swear I will rip out your uterus with a pair of pliers!" Allie snapped, hissing at Meggie in the rearview mirror.

"Sore-ee!"Meggie said, her voicing rising up in the middle, a clear indicator she didn't mean it.

"Turn right in 300 feet." The automated voice in the GPS said.

"Shut up, bitch!" Allie screamed at the little screen.

"Someone's a little testy this evening!" Meggie sang. Allie shot her a death stare. She turned right where the GPS told her too, and to Allie's displeasure, the voice said, "Recalculating"

"What the fuck does that mean?" Dustfinger asked from his spot in the backseat of the truck. He was lying across the seat, his greasy head resting in Meggie's lap, much to her displeasure. She used to like him, but one look at that greasy, lice filled head and she wanted to rip his hair out strand by strand.

"I don't know!" Allie screeched. "I followed the damn purple line telling me where to go!"

"Maybe she means that she has to recalculate a way to get into the fortress," Meggie offered up from the back seat. Her voice sounded distant and awed.

"What the fuck do you mean by _that_?" Allie hissed. She really wasn't in a good mood. "And how do you know it's a fortress?"

"It's right in front of us," Meggie said, pointing her finger out toward a giant castle surrounded by thirty feet high stone walls.

Mo stared in awe, and then said in a really 'gangsta' voice, "Daaaaaayum!"

* * *

**A/N: Woah there, what's this now? Do I smell a _plot? _Unbelievable. You know what would make this plot pick up faster? If you'd press that green button down there and write something nice and encouraging to us. Yes, just below these words you're reading at this very second. Have a heart. (; **


	19. Chapter Eighteen: Scissors

Chapter Eighteen: The Silver Pointy Scissors

"Recalculating," the mechanical woman's voice said for the millionth time as Meggie, Mo, Allie and Dustfinger stared at Capricorn's fortress in wonder. "Recalculating."

"Would you shut up!" Allie finally screamed. If Allie were a cartoon, her hair would have been in flames from her anger, Meggie thought to herself.

"Sooooo." Meggie dragged out the word a few minutes later after Allie had ripped out the GPS in a fit of rage. "How the hell do we get in?"

"We could try the Bubbalicious gum and Nerds plan?" Allie offered, a hopeful look in her eyes. Meggie gave her the stink-eye. "Or not."

"We need an awesomely amazing plan that will make sure we don't get caught and we can rescue Bridget and Emma. We're going up against a mad man here and I don't think gum and candy will help in any way, shape, or form. We need to work together! We need to be a team!" Meggie said, inspiration swelling inside her. She looked around at the hopeful face of Allie, the dazed face of Mo, and the skeptical face of Dustfinger.

Which pretty much summed up all of their personalities as a whole.

"That's very inspirational and all," Dustfinger mumbled, producing a match from his pocket and lighting it spontaneously, staring at the flame with little interest, "but we still don't have a plan, so, unless you can think of one—"

"Well, I don't see you coming up with any, fat ass!" Meggie shot back at him. "You just sit there and watch fire! What the hell's so damn interesting about—"

"FIRE!"

The command rang clear in the open air, and they all had about .5 seconds to duck for cover before an array of bullets pelted from all sides around them. Meggie screamed and launched herself under one of the seats, too terrified to look up and see what everyone else was doing. She cowered, whimpering, as gunshots were fired all around.

"Stop!"

That was the same voice. Meggie could have sworn it sounded slightly familiar.

"Goddamnit, Cockerel, you're the shittiest sniper I've ever seen," the familiar voice continued. "I mean, I don't really understand these 'gun' contraptions either, but they'll a lot more convenient than killing with my knife, so learn how to fucking shoot for Christ's sake. And Flatnose, does your deformed face affect your eyesight, or something? I doubt we even shot any of them."

"Well, let's go check," a nasally voice suggested. Meggie found that one vaguely familiar as well. Like from some far off memory, or a scattered dream...

Oh wait, that was a Kingdom Hearts reference.

Meggie heard the heavy pounding of feet as the man who spoke and his two accomplices ran after him. When they got to the truck, which was now covered with bullet holes, Meggie noticed, they wrenched the doors open and peered inside. Meggie had to hold back her gasp. The nasally voice she remembered, it was the voice of that creep who came into her room and tried to kidnap her. The same douchebag that kidnapped Bridget and Emma.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" The battle cry was out of Meggie before she could register what she was doing. She flung herself from her hiding place under the truck seats and football tackled the man. He easily toppled over from the unexpected weight of Meggie. He was also very scrawny and not broad sholdered at all. Meggie was positive that if he turned around he would have looked like a woman.

"How dare you steal my friends!" Meggie shouted, emphasizing each word with a punch to the man's face. "You no good son of a—" She was cut off as a pair of big, masculine hands grabbed her around the waist and pulled her off of the feminine man. Meggie turned to look at the creep who had grabbed her. "AH!" The scream was out of her before she could think of her manners. But the man was so goddamn _ugly_! His left eye was drooping, his nose was smashed onto his face like a frying pan had hit him there a few hundred times and his mouth was crooked into a perpetual grimace.

"Hello, girlie!" the scary man sneered. He dragged her away from the truck and tied a scarf around her eyes. Meggie was engulfed in darkness.

"What's this we have here?" A new voice asked, as Meggie was finally tossed down on hardwood floors. For the past ten minutes Meggie had been thrown over the scary man's—whose name was actually Flatnose(how fitting)—shoulder and carried away from the truck and into the fortress, most likely. Meggie's throat was now sore because she had been screaming insults and obscenities at Flatnose.

"I don't know who the fuck you are, but let me go this fucking instant!" Meggie heard Allie scream and Meggie was filled with a sense of relief. At least Allie was with her. Before Meggie could agree with Allie and demand to be let go, the scarf was ripped from Meggie's eyes and she had to blink against the sudden bright light.

She saw... (INSERT DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF CAPRICORN HERE). *****

"Now why would I let you go?" the man mused, making a subtle gesture to Flatnose, who moved to bar the door behind them-the only exit that Meggie could see in the large room. Allie spit at the man, and was promptly punched in the stomach by one of the other random men standing guard. Meggie was surprised none of the mounds of food that girl must have had packed in her stomach came up.

"Why are you here?" the mystery man—though Meggie could now tentatively identify him as Capricorn—continued.

"Why are we here?" Meggie barked at him. "Why do you think we're here, you big pompous bald-"

She was elbowed in the throat before she could even finish her sentence, which left her choking and gasping. Which was just as well for Allie, who suddenly smiled and shot Meggie a warning glance. "I think there's been some mistake," she began, in a tone Meggie recognized from when she fooled the cop who pulled them over into thinking she and Mo were getting married. "Are you Capricorn?"

"Yes, I am," Capricorn stated proudly, smiling (a sight so creepy that Meggie only prayed that small children never had to see it).

"Oh!" A Cheshire cat grin broke out on Allie's face. "Well in that case, I'm terribly sorry for our rudeness, sir! You see, we were sent here to help you with... uhm..." She trailed off, faltering, probably realizing she had no idea what Capricorn would need help with. "Well, let's just say we specialize in your personal needs."

That sounded so perverted, Meggie had no idea what to make of it. She cast a horrified glance at Allie, who offered a meek shrug. Capricorn, however, looked ecstatic. "Oh! I know exactly what you mean! I've been waiting for you for quite some time now, you know." He winked at them.

Meggie glanced sidelong at Allie with a wide-eyed look that said both 'what the fuck do we do now?' and 'why the fuck did you get us into this mess?'

Duplicate messages sent via glances. It was a talent.

"Well, we're here now,"Allie said, developing a sultry tone. Meggie shot her another knock-off-with-the-sexual-tone-I-don't-wanna-be-this-guy's-sex-slave look. "Sorry to keep you waiting," Allie finished, obviously ignoring Meggie's look.

"Thank God! My wardrobe is in dire need of a pick me up!" Capricorn said, crossing his legs in a girly fashion. "All I have are black and whites and I was thinking of something purple maybe. With sequins or sparkles. I wanna jazz up my wardrobe!" A million emotions shot through Meggie at once, but the most prominent one was relief. She thanked the lucky stars that this Capricorn did not want Allie and her for their bodies so he could violate them. That would have called for some serious ninja skills to get them out of.

"Of course!" Meggie cut in before Allie could say anything. "Of course we're here to help with your clothes. We're fashion designers! Could you not tell from our—" Meggie looked down at her outfit, only to remember she was still in the hooker outfit used to fool Alphonzo Glen. She looked over at Allie, and saw that Allie was looking at her clothes in disgust too. "—fabulous outfits," Meggie finished weakly.

"Your outfits are darling! But, I was hoping for something more—" Capricorn was cut off as the doors in the back of the room swung open and Mo and Dustfinger were brought in, still in their pimp getup. Capricorn's eyes lit up when he saw Mo and Dustfinger. "Something more like that!" He pointed to the two men and jumped out of his chair, striding towards them and examining their clothes. "These are designers like you?"

"Yes!" Allie said, grabbing ahold of the line Capricorn just threw her. "Of course. I am...Tanisha, and this is... Gretchen," she pointed to Meggie. "This is... Andre." She gestered towards Dustfinger, then pointed at Mo. "And he is...Viktor. We are the... Designing Duo plus two!"

"Heh, what are you talking about, Allieleaf?" Mo piped up. "No we're—" Before he could finish, Dustfinger jabbed him in the ribs, probably with a bit more force than necessary. "Ah—oww, uh, I mean—I HAVE A PASSION FOR FASHION!"

"Yes, I always wanted to be gay," Dustfinger mumbled inwardly.

"Well that's just splendid!" Capricorn chirped, not hearing or otherwise ignoring Dustfinger's comment. "You can start immediately! Mortola show them to the designer's rooms." He gestured to an old, wrinkled, disgusting old lady with a perpetual frown on her face.

"She's hot," Mo whispered. Meggie, Allie, and Dustfinger turned to stare at him.

Luckily, neither Capricorn nor Mortola heard this, and the old lady shuffled away, to which they all presumed they should follow. Meggie, however, couldn't stop staring at Mo, who was grinning cheekily after Mortola. She really, really didn't understand her father.

"I expect a full-out fashion show when you get back!" Capricorn called after them as they exited the room. "You all take as long as you need to make me some fabulous new sequin robes!"

Mortola led them to an enormous room laden with all sorts of cloth, fabric, sewing kits, mannequins, tables, paper, and anything anyone needed to design and create articles of clothing. There was another room adjoined to it; from what Meggie could see, it only contained beds. "Don't take too long," Mortola told them bitterly, before slamming the door on them.

"That was a close one," Allie breathed immediately, setting herself down in one of the 'designer's chairs.'

"I need to come up with a better disguise," Dustfinger blurted. "Capricorn knows who I am, I'm really surprised he didn't recognize me. Does anyone have Mederma?"

"Mederma?" Meggie questioned, raising an eyebrow. "You mean like for scars and stretch marks and that kind of thing? Ew, Dusty, do you have nasty stretch marks?"

Dustfinger scowled. "Can men even get those?"

"Sure they can!" Mo piped up cheerfully. Everyone just looked at him.

"Anyway," Meggie said, changing the subject. "How the hell are we supposed to make _sequin robes_ for this Capricorn dude? None of us know how to sew or any of that shit."

"Where's Rumplestiltskin when you need him?" Allie joked. She was met by three blank stares. "_I _thought it was funny!" There was a knock at the door and Capricorn's head popped in.

"Hello, sorry to disturb you, but is there anything you might need to help you with designing the clothes? Assistants, a personal cook, a comedian..." Capricorn was still prattling on about things he could get for the Designing Duo plus two when Meggie had a brilliant idea.

"Actually, we could use two assistants," she said. "Preferably two girls around the ages of twelve. Maybe slightly annoying and with the names-oh I don't know-Bridget and Emma?" Meggie could practically hear the eyeroll she got from Dustfinger, and Allie kicked him in the back of the shins, probably thinking they'd get caught.

"Oh!" Capricorn sang. "We do have two annoying girls named Bridget and Emma in the cells. I'll send Basta to get them for you!" He turned his head towards the door and screamed, "BASTA! Get those annoying bitches out of the cell and bring them up here. They will be used as assistants for the Designing Duo plus two!" He turned back around and smiled at the four of them. When his eyes met Dustfinger's, his eyes widened. Meggie turned towards Dustfinger who was most likely wishing he had used Mederma more often when Capricorn spoke, "My God! It can't be. You look _exactly _like Paul Bettany!"

There was an audible sigh throughout the room.

"Do you get that a lot?" Capricorn asked, his eyes still fixed on Dustfinger.

"Uh...not really. I usually get George Clooney or Brad Pitt," Dustfinger said, a smirk upon his scarred and not-look-alike George Clooney face.

"Oooookay, Du—er, Andre," Allie drawled. "Sure you do."

Dustfinger frowned at her, but Capricorn grinned and winked. "I can see why they would say that," he purred, flirtatiously. Dustfinger gawked at him, but before either of them could say any more Capricorn suddenly turned. "Oh, Basta's here with your assistants!"

"Get in there, skanks," grumbled Basta's voice, and Bridget and Emma were suddenly shoved into the door, which slammed shut behind them. Their clothes were tattered and they looked a bit thin, but not scarily so. Their hair was also mussed and disheveled, with pieces of hay in it, as if they had been sleeping in a barn.

There was a few stretched out moments of silence, and then Meggie, Bridget, and Emma all let out high-pitched shrieks of joy simultaneously. Meggie bounded over to her friends and trapped them both in an unescapable death glomp. "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU GUYS IN FOREVER!" she screamed. Bridget and Emma were both too busy being suffocated to answer.

After a minute of squeezing her friends to death, Meggie released them and stepped back, grinning. "We got here as fast as we could," she told them, grinning.

"Yeah, I'll say," Bridget murmured, rubbing her abused neck. "How is it that it took you guys like three fucking months to get to Elinor's, but you got _here _in less than a day?"

"Logic flaw!" Emma sang.

"Yeah, well, no one fucking asked you!" Dustfinger spat, giving Bridget and Emma the stink eye.

"_Anyway_!" Meggie interrupted, feeling a fight about to break loose. "We're here now and we're gonna save you from this hell hole!"

"Yeah, how do you plan on doing that?" Allie commented, cynically. "We're supposed to design sparkly sequin robes for the gay terrorist, not plan an escape!"

"Would you prefer to make the clothes?" Meggie asked sarcastically, giving Allie a cold look. "We have three choices—one: we don't make the clothes and Capricorn kills us; two: we do make the clothes and Capricorn kills us because we are no longer useful; or three: we escape and don't die. I like plan three, what about you?"

"I like plan two!" Mo chimed in. "Let's make sparkly clothes!" Dustfinger smacked him and he began to cry.

"I think we can all agree that plan three is the best," Dustfinger remarked dryly, shooting the sobbing Mo a scorching glare. "But how are we supposed to escape? Especially without any of your precious bubble gum or Nerds..."

"We might not have any of that," Allie piped up, "but we _do _have a lot of equipment here we could use." She swept her eyes over the table in front of them, laden with designing tools.

"Right," Dustfinger snorted. "What are we supposed to do? Stab him with a sewing needle?"

"Shut up," Allie snapped at him. "Like _you _could come up with any better ideas."

"Better no ideas at all than dumbass ideas," he shot back.

Their bickering continued for a good ten minutes, with Meggie glancing around irritably and Mo continuing to cry. Heaven knows what the reason was anymore. Meggie doubted _Mo _even remembered why he was crying.

"_Hey_!" she yelled, finally, loud enough for Allie, Dustfinger, and even Mo to shut up and look over to her. "_I _have an idea. Why don't we just wait until he opens the door, and then we push him out of the way and make a run for it?"

They were all quiet, looking around at each other as though this plainly simple idea had never occurred to them. Dustfinger was the first to speak. "That might just be stupid enough to work."

"Of course it's stupid enough to work!" Bridget said, faithfully defending her friend.

"Yeah, it's so stupid, Capricorn wouldn't even think that _we_ would be stupid enough to think it!" Emma added, shooting a smile at Meggie. "Good job, Megster!" For some reason, hearing that her idea was so stupid, Meggie didn't feel good.

"Now, we have to time this perfectly! Take him completley off guard!" Meggie said, and then for the next three hours, twenty-eight minutes and fifteen seconds, Meggie, Dustfinger, Allie, Mo, Bridget and Emma sat huddled around the designing table strategizing their perfect escape plan. Bridget and Emma helped them form a map of the fortress. They tried their best to make a perfect and accurate map, but they had only been in the cells and the Meggie, Dustfinger, Mo, and Allie had been blindfolded when they were brought in.

"This is a fool-proof plan!" Meggie exclaimed, leaning back in her chair and admiring their map that Mo had drawn. They used a piece of purple cloth to draw on and in the middle was a giant X to show where they were. Then there were tiny squiggly lines to represent the hallways. Mo was not the artistic one, but what are you gonna do about that?

"We're the fools who are trying to use it," Dustfinger mumbled, pessimistically. Around the two hour mark, Dustfinger had gone from thinking the plan would work to thinking they would end up dead. "We're all gonna die!"

"Shut up, skank!" Bridget snapped, glaring at him.

Dustfinger rolled his eyes. "That doesn't even make any sense. I preferred you two when the authoresses constantly forgot about you."

"Like five minutes ago?" Emma chimed in. There was a distinct _crack _to be heard in the background, faintly reminiscent of the sound of the fourth wall breaking, but they were all too used to that sound to really register it by now.

"Yeah, whatever." Dustfinger sighed, pulling out a match and striking it, staring boredly at the flame that erupted. "Why don't I just burn the place down?"

"You can do that once we use our ingenious plan to escape," Meggie assured him, smiling.

"Seriously, Dustfinger, stop being such a Debbie Downer." Allie was standing and hovering around the designer tables, sorting through all the sorts of fabric and cloth. "You know, I could make a really nice dress out of this..."

"Now isn't the time to worry about stupid things like dresses!" Dustfinger snapped at her.

"Oh? Why not? I mean, since according to you we're all going to die anyway..."

"So!" Meggie jumped in, before Dustfinger could retort and the two could start fighting again. Honestly, for whatever reason they just couldn't stop arguing.

Maybe it was sexual tension.

Ew.

Meggie was about to continue when Mo suddenly piped up. "Dusteh, Allieleaf ... this is a crucial time in our journey, the point where no matter what way you look at it, our actions boil down to life and death. Our fate rests in our own hands now, and it's up to us to act upon that in such a way that will save us from a horrifying doom. Even the slightest mistake and everything we have worked on for the past three hours, thirty-five minutes and twenty-two seconds will have all gone to waste. Not only that, but our lives will as well. It seems foolish to be fighting amongst ourselves when, in the end, we are all we have in the hopes of making it out alive."

During the next three minutes in which everyone stared at Mo, Meggie couldn't help but wonder if this was a little too repetitive. Mo does something really stupid, he gets hit. Mo says something smart, and everyone stares him into oblivion for the next couple of minutes before he does something stupid again. It's like everyone was afraid the world would end if Mo never reverted back to his dumbass self.

Which is why she decided to break the monotony by saying, "Mo, I really can't muster up enough patience to be shocked by what you just said. At least not at the moment. So for now I'm just going to say that I agree, and we should all work together to get the fuck out of here." Beaming, she glanced around at her companions. "Who's with me?"

"Me!" Evidently the trance that bound them to stare at Mo was broken, because Emma's hand shot up in the air, accompanied by a grin.

"Oh, me too!" Bridget contributed. "Let's kick this Capricorn dude's fugly ass!" She and Emma exchanged a high five, and Meggie grinned at them. Even with Dustfinger being a complete buzzkill, they had more than enough optimism in her enthusiastic friends.

Their buzz was broken as the door tentatively opened and Capricorn stuck his bald head in the door.

"Excuse me, Designing Duo plus two. But I was wondering if you could dress this horrid boy. Our reader, Darius, read him out instead of the gold I wanted. And to be truthful I can't have someone walking around with such a horrible sense of fashion," Capricorn said, before shoving a boy into the room. The boy was around Meggie's age, maybe a few years older, with dark skin and long ratty hair and torn clothes. "Oh, and here's an extra pair of scissors to cut the cloth." As Capricorn smiled at them, the door wide open, Meggie saw this as their chance to escape.

"NOW! IE IE IE YA YA IE YA IE!" Meggie shouted, the Native American battle cry ringing loudly throughout the tiny room. She ran forward and tackled Capricorn, leaving the doorframe wide open for the rest of the group to run through. Meggie noticed that the weird dirty book boy ran with them.

"Get them!" Capricorn shouted, as he laid lying on the floor, the scissors still in his hand. Meggie, who was behind the group, ran past all of the others until she was in the lead. Bridget and Emma by her side. The ran down the hallway, evading Blackjackets and deadends. The pounding of footsteps behind them encouraged them to run faster and before Meggie's eyes she saw her father, Mo, running as fast as he could. Huffing and puffing, sweat gathering around the neck of his shirt and pitters forming under his arms.

_How is he sweating that much? We've been running for two minutes,_ Meggie thought.

"Stop them!" The nasty voice of Basta came from behind. Meggie turned around, only to regret it a second later. At least twenty Blackjackets were following them. Capricorn and Basta in the lead, both with a crazed pyscho look on their faces.

"In here!" Mo shouted, stopping in front of a corridor with only one door. Mo, Allie, Dustfinger, Meggie and the book boy ran in. Meggie slammed the door shut, only to hear indignant voices and fist banging on the door. Oops. Forgot Bridget and Emma. Meggie let them in with a sheepish smile. Emma flipped her off.

There in the middle of the barren room, was a tall pedestal, with a book on top. There was one light in the entire room, shining directly over the book. The books title: _Inkheart_. Mo developed a serious face and turned towards Dustfinger.

"Dustfinger, if you want, I can read you back," Mo said, all jokes and dumbassness aside. "I will read you back into the Inkworld if you want. You can be back with Roxane, your wife, and your kids. You will never have to worry about Meggie or Allie or Andy or Meggie's bitchy friends again. I can read you back if you want me too. I will read you back, I promise!"

Meggie looked over at Dustfinger, anticipating his reply to Mo's determined and heartfelt speech. Dustfinger took a long pause, thinking over his options and knowing what was the right thing to do. He knew where he wanted and needed to be.

After what seemed like hours of silence—albeit the shouting and pounding of feet outside of the door—Dustfinger looked directly at Mo, holding his gaze steadily with a perfectly serious face.

"Nah. I like it here. I could care less about that bitch," he announced flippantly, rolling his eyes before tossing a lit match forward. Mo had just enough time to release his hold on the book before _Inkheart _burst into flames. Meggie watched fascinatedly at the black and orange ripples consuming the yellowed paper.

"So that's it?" Allie shrieked. "This entire stupid adventure was about trying to find _this book, _and the only reason Dustfinger was ever even _here _was to get read back into it, and now that we finally found it he lights it on fire?"

"Are you surprised?" Meggie asked with a wry smile. "All things considered, that's probably the most reasonable thing I've heard in a while."

If Allie had anything to say to that, she never got the chance, for at that exact moment the door burst open and half a dozen Blackjackets piled in, successfully blocking the doorway and any chance they had to escape. Emma, Bridget, and Meggie all screamed and clung to each other at the sight of their impending doom.

Luckily for them, however, the sight of the (presumably) last remaining copy of _Inkheart _going up in flames was enough to send every single Blackjacket into a shocked stupor. Meggie took this opportunity and snatched both of her friends' hands before dashing forward, pushing swiftly past the paralyzed men. Mo, Allie, Dustfinger, and the random Indian boy followed behind her as she burst into the corridor, making a sharp turn and running for dear life.

All prior knowledge Meggie had of the inner layout and blueprints of Capricorn's fortress that she had studied for three hours was entirely wiped from her mind as she ran, blindly, still dragging Bridget and Emma along behind her.

"What way should we go?" Meggie screamed, fisting her hands in her hair, as the group came to a stop in (presumably) the middle of the fortress. They were standing in a circular hall with different hallways sprouting off in each direction.

"THAT WAY!" Mo shouted, pointing in front of him then charging into the hallway, blindly.

"I guess we should follow him," Meggie said, dejectedly, though the thought of losing Mo in the maze of hallways did sound appealing. The sound of feet stampeding towards them sent the others into action following Mo at a full sprint until the caught up with him.

The hallway ended in the kitchen. There were still kitchenmaids in there cleaning up and preparing food. Meggie grabbed the first thing she saw, a huge butcher knife.

"Everyone stay calm! We are just passing through and intend to mean you no harm. Just let us go and we won't hurt you!" Meggie shouted, pointing the knife in random women's faces.

One woman in particular, who Meggie would realize much later looked peculiarly similar to her, stepped forward. Meggie jabbed the knife in her direction threateningly, but she seemed undeterred. She opened her mouth, then took a pad of paper seemingly out of nowhere and scribbled hastily on it. When she turned it to Meggie, it read 'TAKE ME WITH YOU.'

"Hell no, bitch!" Meggie snapped back at her. "We have enough random people following us without you! If you wanna leave, do it on your own time!" She really didn't know why she was being so mean to this lady. Maybe it was because she didn't even have the courtesy to talk to them and instead wrote everything down. What a jerk.

The mystery woman's eyes widened, and she began to scribble something else down. Meggie watched, warily, as the letters formed 'I'M YOUR M—'

But whatever the seemingly mute woman was going to say, Meggie would never know, for at that exact moment Allie yanked the knife from her hand and drove it straight through the woman's stomach. "She's wasting too much time!" Allie yelled, pointing back to where a gang of Blackjackets was almost upon them.

As Allie pulled the knife roughly out of her stomach, the woman made a strange gurgling sound—which was, come to think of it, the only audible sound she uttered—before collapsing on the floor. Blood spurted in all directions. Meggie was wholly undeterred; after all, this wouldn't be the first time she and Allie had killed someone.

"Let's go!" Allie's hand snatched Meggie's wrist, and they flew to the exit, past all of the shrieking kitchen maids, and into freedom.

Meggie wrenched out of Allie's grip and pelted as fast as she could into the surrounding trees, the sound of Blackjackets behind them growing louder and louder. She heard a high-pitched battle cry and turned just in time to see Allie launch the kitchen knife through the air, where it landed directly into the chest of the skinny feminine-looking Blackjacket. With a scream he fell, and all the other Blackjackets paused, appearing momentarily uncertain.

"Run for it!" Meggie howled to her companions, and then, without bothering to wait around for them to follow her command, she turned and sprinted as fast as she could away from that shithole.

After what seemed like hours of running but was in reality probably only a few minutes, Meggie's lungs were heaving with effort and she had to stop temporarily. She really needed to get in better shape. Allie, Mo, Dustfinger, Bridget, Emma, and the Indian boy—who she was seriously considering naming Aladdin unless he told her his name sometime soon—gathered around her, all panting for breath.

"You know," Mo breathed, as everyone got their bearings (whatever the hell that meant). "That lady Allieleaf stabbed sure looked familiar!"

"Well, she did look a lot like me," Meggie muttered.

"Hm." Mo had his thinking face on for a moment, which was an odd look for him. "Yeah, I guess that must have been it!"

"Mo, you're an idiot," Dustfinger said, looking Mo up and down like he was something you found on the underside of your shoe. "That bitch was Re—"

"FIRE!" It was the same command that Meggie had heard in the truck, so she knew in a moment it would be a shower of bullets raining upon them. Meggie grabbed Allie and Mo's wrist pulling them far away as the rest of the group followed suit. Allie who suddenly seemed to be in a much better shape than she was in ten minutes ago ran a few feet ahead of the rest of the group before turning around to face them, and run backwards.

"And we're running, and running! Keep up the pace, ladies! Mo get those knees high in the air. Pick up the pace!" she cheered, as if she was teaching an aerobics class and not running for her life. "Who wants to die today? NO ONE! So, let's keep running, and running!"

"Shut up, bitch!" Dustfinger gasped out, sounding like a ninety-year-old smoker who walked up a flight of stairs. He was wheezing a lot more than Meggie was. Allie flipped Dusteh off. As they ran, they got closer and closer to the road and Meggie could start to see Alphonzo Glen's broken truck. She speed up her pace, knowing that the closer they got out of this damned fortress the less likely a Blackjacket would get them.

Meggie could suddenly hear tires squealing and the sound of a honking horn as a gigantic black SUV stopped in front of Meggie and the rest of her companions.

"YOU STOLE MY MONEY!" The words were shouted out of the car, and the voice was very familiar to Meggie. It was like she heard the voice on a voice mail or message machine.

"Mortimer! You and your bratty daughter stole my food, and my money! You used my house and burnt half of my belongings!" A figure emeraged from the SUV, and Meggie gasped at how fat her great-aunt Elinor was. She was _really_ fat. Like six chins fat, and flappy underarms.

"Jesus, she's fat," Allie whispered to Meggie. Meggie stifled her laughter before replying sarcastically, "No, she's just big-boned."

"Mortimer, I want my money—" She was cut off as a meteor shower of bullets came falling from the skies and one hit her through the head. She fell to the ground with a final seize, then was still.

"Did she just die?" Allie asked, confused.

"I think so," Mo replied. "Well, now I don't have to pay her back!"

"DESIGNING DUO PLUS TWO!" A voice shouted from behind. "Get back here!" Meggie saw Capricorn running towards them at full speed, waving the damned scissors above his head.

"GET IN THE CAR! GET IN THE FUCKING CAR!" Dustfinger shouted hopping into the back seat-you know he can't drive-as Allie took the drivers seat (after pushing Elinor's gross corpse out of the way) and Mo took the passenger side. Meggie hopped in the back too, only to be slammed into Dustfinger's side as Emma, Bridget and the Aladdin wannabe hopped in too.

"Start the fucking engine!" Bridget and Emma hissed together, speaking for the first time in a while. They really are forgettable. Allie tried to start the engine, but it kept stalling and Capricorn was gaining on them.

Capricorn was running at full tilt towards the SUV when, out of nowhere, he tripped over his shoes and went falling down. The scissors, the silver pointy scissors, went right into his heart as he fell on the ground and rolled onto his back, designing scissors sticking out of his chest.

"I guess running with scissors _is_ dangerous!" Mo said, wide eyed.

"Wow, three deaths in ten minutes. Must be a new record for the authoresses!" Allie commented, breaking the fourth wall for the first time in this story.

"Allie!" Meggie screamed at her, noticing an army of bewildered Blackjackets standing around Capricorn's body. It was only a matter of time before they stopped being dumbshits and remembered they were supposed to be shooting them. "_Fucking drive, bitch! Drive!_"

Obediently, Allie slammed on the gas, and the car went flying forward, running straight over Capricorn's corpse and bowling a couple of Blackjackets over in the process. Allie laughed maniacally as a sickening squelching sound was made, and what could only be blood splattered up on the windshield.

Allie was acting so much like a deranged murderer at this point, Meggie was beginning to seriously wonder if she was going to kill them all.

Then again, it's not as if 'deranged murderer' would be the most worrysome title in their group.

They continued driving full-speed down the winding road leading away from Capricorn's fortress, the car silent aside from everyone's heaving breaths.

"Someone farted," Emma announced in a whiny voice.

"Wasn't me," Dustfinger murmured, boredly examining his fingernails.

"We never said it was," Bridget pointed out. "So that proves it was you!"

"It does not, you annoying bitch," Dustfinger snapped back with a cutting glare.

Bridget was about to retort when suddenly Mo, who was always a bit slow on the uptake, raised his hand in the air and emitted a high-pitched "GUILTY!"

"Mo, you disgust me!" Meggie snarled, as the nasty smell of fart hit her nose. "Oh god. Somebody roll down a fucking window!" Allie was quick to follow up on that order.

After the fart outburst, the gang drove in silence, only making the occasional comment on how crowded it was having five people in three seats. Meggie was essentially sitting on Dustfinger's lap, much to his displeasure. And Bridget and Emma were sharing the middle seat, Bridget's legs sitting on Emma's lap. The Aladdin kid sat close to the window, silent.

"Soooo..." Meggie began, drawling the word out. "I think I'm gonna write a story."

"About what?" Allie asked, looking at Meggie in the rearview mirror.

"Our adventures!" Meggie replied.

"That's the gayest thing I have ever heard!" Dustfinger snapped, flicking Meggie in the back of her head like a petulant little brother.

"I think that's a wonderful idea, Maggie!" Mo said, turning around to face her. Meggie rolled her eyes at Mo messing up her name and the manical grin on his face. "I have the gift of reading stories, but writing stories is a kind of magic, too!"

"Mo, stop acting like some fucking poetic genius. We all know you have the brain of a five year old!" Dustfinger spat at him, getting spittle in Meggie's hair. Ew. Dustfinger was not in a good mood.

"Alright, chill," she growled to him, and though he shot her a venomous glare, he did fall silent. "Can we get back to my beautiful story?"

"Whatever you end up doing with it, take us out of it!" Bridget interjected vehemently, flailing her hands as though this was an extremely dire matter. "We don't want to be associated with you freaks."

"Not like it matters," Emma added, rolling her eyes. "You'd probably forget to put us in anyway." Meggie hummed agreeably, and they both glared at her. Then she turned to the unresponsive Indian boy, who continued to stare out the window.

"You," she hissed. He turned abruptly. "I don't know who the fuck you are, Aladdin, but you're going in my story."

The boy quivered, blinked at her, and said in a shaky voice, "My name is Farid."

"Whatever, I'm going to continue to call you Aladdin," Meggie said, waving one hand dismissively. "But for the sake of my story you'll be Farid. And ..." She looked him up and down carefully. "You're kind of cute, so I'll make you my love interest. The heroine's gotta have a love interest, after all."

"Oooh, can I be in the story?" Allie chirped excitedly, a gleeful glint in her eye. "Take my whore of a sister out of it, but keep me in pleeeease!"

Meggie scoffed at her, turning away from 'Aladdin' and commencing to ignore his existence altogether once more. "No thanks, Allie. _I _don't want to be associated with _you._"

"I don't really blame you," Dustfinger remarked before Allie could protest. "She kind of seems like a serial killer. You might want to keep your story as PG-rated as possible."

"Fine," Allie huffed. "But if you're going to take_ me _out for the sake of normalcy, you'd better make Mo not act like such a dumbass!" She glanced at said mentally-unstable man beside her, and he offered her a vacant smile, in response to which she shuddered.

"Sounds like a completely different story already," Dustfinger commented snidely. "It'll be like in the first couple of chapters when the authoresses actually tried to make this story semi-serious."

Meggie nodded. "Exactly. Can you blame them? No one would read a cracked-up story like this! Oh, and I guess I'll have to invent an alias for myself, since I don't want to change my name in the story and I don't want everyone to know I'm writing about myself."

"Make it something Italian!" Bridget piped up.

"No, no, not Italian," Emma disagreed. "Make it German! It'll sound more badass that way!"

Before the two could fight, Meggie cut in. "I like the German idea. I'll do that." Emma stuck out her tongue at Bridget, who merely rolled her eyes.

"Plus, you might not want to kill your great-aunt," Dustfinger added. Pause. "Or your mother."

"What?" Meggie asked, whipping her head around to face Dustfinger's scarred face.

"That kitchenmaid Allie shanked was your mother, why else would she look so familiar to you?" Dustfinger said, in a you're-so-dumb-it's-pathetic voice.

"Ohhhhhh...that chick I murdered was your mother," Allie said slowly. "Well, sorry about that. She should have done a better job at conveying the whole 'mother' thing." Before Meggie could reply to Allie, though she would have agreed, there was a rustling from Dustfinger's backpack and a tiny ferret popped out and jumped into Meggie's hands.

"Snowball!" Meggie shouted, cuddling up to her long forgotten ferret.

"You mean Sunshine." Bridget deadpanned.

"Sunshine! I forgot about you!" There was a long moment of silence before Meggie spoke again. "Sorry, Sunny, but you're nixed from the story. We'll keep Gwin in though, he's the best character of us all." Said marten slithered out of Dustfinger's backpack as well, chattering in agreement.

"We're all one big happy family!" Mo threw his arms out, beaming like the complete idiot he was. "And we have a happy ending now!"

"As weird as that is to think about, I guess we do," Dustfinger agreed. "Capricorn and Basta are dead, the rest of the Blackjackets are too stupid to do anything without them, Inkheart's destroyed, and now we can all go and ransack that fat lady's house and live there for the rest of our lives."

"You know," Emma sighed, "I can't help but think that all of this was just really fucking pointless."

"It's fanfiction," Bridget reminded her. "What do you expect?"

Emma smiled a bit. "Touche."

"Well!" Meggie announced loudly, startling everyone. "I'm going to go climb in the backseat that none of you were smart enough to realize was there, and I'm going to start writing this shit as soon as possible. Don't want my memory to fade!"

"Not like it'll even remotely resemble anything that happened to us," Dustfinger murmured wryly as Meggie clambered into the back of the car, stretching herself out on the seats and digging out a random notepad and pen. "Or at least, I hope not."

"Dusty! Since you're living here now you're gonna have to get your license!" Allie giggled, sounding like the twenty-some year-old girl that she was supposed to be, and not the cold-blooded murderer that she was.

"Fuck you, Allie!" Dustfinger snapped.

Smiling blissfully, Meggie tuned them out as she uncapped her pen and opened to a fresh, clean page in her notepad. Where to begin ... well, the beginning was always the best start, she thought, listening to the chatter and light bickering of her carmates in the background.

Without further ado, she lowered the pen to the paper, her tongue caught between her teeth in concentration as she thought back to where this all began. Her memory was hazy at best, but there were some things she could make up. In a small, hurried scribble, she began her tale.

"_Rain fell that night, a fine, whispering rain. Many years later, Meggie had only to close her eyes and she could still hear it, like tiny fingers tapping on the windowpane . . . ."_

* * *

**A/N: Can you believe it? Eh? EH? Oh, who am I kidding, no one's reading this. Still, to Flicka and I, this is an amazing achievement. I'm only speaking for myself here, but I've never actually finished a story in my life. Hopefully this will inspire me to finish things in the future. **

**Yes, if you haven't gathered it by now, this is the final chapter of Inksecrets. After nearly four long, grueling years of writing this—and three years of having it on this site—we've finally completed it. We're not entirely sure what we're going to do with our lives now, haha, since our friendship has revolved around this story for so long. We tossed around the idea of a sequel for a bit, but it's still debatable. If we do, though, it probably won't go on this site, since ... well, our fanbase isn't the biggest.**

**Maybe we'll try a different fandom or something, and hope for more luck. Anyway, to any of you who ARE reading this, thank you for sticking with us through thick and thin—and, more importantly, literate and nonliterate xD—and please, please leave a review to show your appreciation, just as I am taking my time to show my appreciation to you now.**

**And this is Myst, peacing out, and telling you on behalf of both of us, thank you. Inksecrets will remain in our hearts forever, and we hope it has a lasting effect on you, too. (:**


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